


Healing Takes Time

by sh_wright890



Series: Love and Loss [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Boys Kissing, Emotional Baggage, M/M, Nighttime boatride, Partial Blindness, Resorts, They finally got to the beach, stroke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-15 05:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 53,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5772442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sh_wright890/pseuds/sh_wright890
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>According to his parents, Jean is a moody, rebellious teenager. Being the oldest of four kids, he thinks that he has the right to be, and the fact that his parents are making him go on a vacation that he doesn't want to go on does not help matters. But when he is there, he meets Marco, a sweet kid with freckles everywhere. Jean soon discovers that Marco has suffered from a stroke, but despite the effects, he doesn't let them control his life.</p><p>Though things seem normal, something weird is going on at the resort. Something that could put Jean and everybody he loves in danger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Prologue

  
Hanna was scared. Really scared. She didn't know where she was, and she felt foggy, disoriented. And the dark was not helping matters. She hadn't been afraid of the dark for years, but now that familiar fear was back with a vengeance. She had a sudden memory of running into her parents' room when the jackets on the back of her door started to look like monsters whenever they were lit up by the headlights of passing cars.

  
She almost laughed. Scared? she thought. That was nothing. She hadn't felt real fear before this night. Night? Day? She wasn't sure.

  
The last thing she remembered was sneaking out. But for what? She couldn't remember. Hell, she could barely remember her own name. Why was it hard for her to remember anything?

  
She heard a door open, and she sat up as quickly as she could in her sluggish state. She looked up and saw a black figure in front of the door. She could see that the stars were out, but it was growing light out. The thunk of boots resonated through the room. They stopped right in front of her, and she--stupidly, she realized--held her breath.

  
The figure went behind her, and she felt a small bit of relief fill her, but it was short lived. A gag was forcefully tied around her head right over her mouth. Her shock wore off, and her instincts kicked in. The door, she thought.

  
As fast as she could, she crawled, but she didn't get very far before she was yanked back by her hair. She screamed, and a hand whipped across her face, forcing her head to the side. She struggled as she was roughly pulled upright. She felt the person's breath on her neck, and she shuddered.

  
She continued to fight with all of her might. She kept fighting as she was dragged to the basement where horrible things were done to her. She kept fighting even though her captor held a knife to her neck. She kept fighting through the pain. And even after she was finally left alone, she continued to fight for life, but it was all for naught.


	2. Chapter 1

_ There is nothing worse than being crammed into a car with your family for over ten hours, _ I thought as I folded a shirt and crammed it into my suitcase. Honestly, I'd been telling my parents that I needed a bigger one for about two years now, but they never listened. 

I told them that I didn't want to go on vacation, that I'd be really bored without my friends--which was a blatant lie seeing as how I didn't even have any friends--but it wasn't like they actually cared what I thought. Needless to say, we don't always see eye to eye. I didn't always used to be that way though. It started about when I got into high school. Most of my peers started getting all this independence and I still had to ask my parents if it was okay to cook myself some eggs. I may be the oldest child of four, but to my parents, I'm still their "baby." The opposing views caused some... friction to form. Now at my "rebellious"--or so they say--age of 17, we still have problems getting along most of the time.

My younger sister Mikasa burst through my door. "Mom wanted me to tell you that it's time--"

"Hey!" Eren, my other brother and her twin, yelled when he ran in behind her.

"--for dinner!" she finished.

Eren stomped his foot. "She told  _ me _ to tell him."

She raised her chin. "Be faster next time."

"That's not fair!"

"Okay," I interjected. "Can you go finish your little skirmish downstairs?"

Eren narrowed his green eyes at me before he stuck his tongue out. For being a ten-year-old, he sure was childish.

As if sensing my thoughts, Mikasa grabbed Eren's wrist and pulled him out of my room while saying, "Don't be such a baby." 

I rolled my eyes and finished zipping up my suitcase before heading downstairs. Eren had always had a major temper, and I had a bit of one too, actually, so we were at each other's throats a lot of the time. There were times when we did get along really well like when we shaved all of hair off of our golden retriever Erwin or when we convinced our youngest brother Connie that he was the next Avatar (what can I say? That kid looks like Aang).

Speaking of which, Connie almost ran me over right when I got to the bottom floor. I could hear the thumping of feet right behind me, so I pressed against the wall as fast as I could to avoid getting run over. He must've just heard about dinner being done. I've never met a six-year-old that likes to eat as much as him. A few moments later Erwin went running after him.

There was a lot of commotion in the kitchen and dining room like usual. Mikasa and Eren were still bickering, Connie was trying to ride Erwin like a pony, my mother Hanji was setting the table, and my father Levi was putting the finishing touches on dinner.

I'm just going to say this now: my dad is really, really short for a guy. He's about 5 foot 3. I passed him up in height in about eighth grade. Eren is up to his shoulders already, and so is Mikasa. I personally like to make height jokes--are you sure you can change that lightbulb by yourself?--and run like hell.

Another thing, he is a clean freak. Which I guess is really unfortunate since he has  _ four fucking kids and a dog. _ He taught us all everything when we were younger--right now he's training Connie how to do some basic things, and he's teaching the twins how to actually use chemicals to clean--so when I live alone one of these days, I'll know how to clean the toilet. Because  _ God forbid _ I can't do  _ that _ . Insert eye roll here.

"Go sit down," Mom said to the twins. They did and finally stopped fighting. She swooped down and picked Connie up from Erwin's back and tickled his stomach. He giggled and ran to sit at the table when she put him down. "Jean boy, can you get the cups?" she asked, looking at me from behind her glasses.

I went to the cabinet that we keep the glasses in and pulled out six before I placed them in their proper places. I also grabbed the silverware before she could and put it down on the table where they were supposed to go.

"Oh, thank you," she said before she kissed my cheek. I made a face, and rubbed my face where she kissed it. She just started laughing. 

Dad walked into the dining room with a plate filled with chicken and a pot with vegetables in it. Mom ruffled his hair when she went by him and leaned down--way down because she's pretty tall--and kissed the top of his head. He glared at her back, upset that she had messed up his perfectly neat hair. 

"Come on, pack mule--help Dad," Eren said to me.

I gritted my teeth. For years, Eren had called me some name that had to do with horses because he thought I had a long face. He  _ knew _ just how much it annoyed me too. "You little--"

Eren's face almost hit the table when Dad smacked the back of his head. "Knock it off," he said.

"Hey, hey, hey--no need for violence," Mom chimed in when she entered the dining room again with a gallon of milk.

"Eren started it," Mikasa told her.

Eren glared at her. "You're supposed to be on my side."

She shrugged. "Not when you act like Connie."

Connie raised his head. "What?"

"Nothing," Mom interjected. "Everybody just sit down."

I sat down and reached for the milk. Mom and Dad worked on getting food onto all of the kids' plates. Mikasa asked about the resort we were headed to tomorrow. Dad explained it to her while I listened, pretending not to be interested. I didn't really want to go, after all. 

Apparently it was a place called Evergreen Resort in Minnesota on Lake Bear. The closest town was Little Grove (don't even ask about the names). We were going to be staying in the resort for a while--I couldn't remember how long. Apparently is was a very family-oriented place. 

He reached over and wiped off Connie's face with a sigh after he finished. "What a mess," he muttered.

"Oh, Levi," Mom said, smacking his arm pretty hard. "Don't be such a grouch."

He just looked at her, and she laughed. 

It was kind of weird how obviously in love my parents were. I was pretty sure that Mom was the one that really wanted to have kids, and I was also sure that he consented, even though he knew we'd be messy, because he can never tell her no. Actually, he can never tell our dog no either, which was pretty strange. 

I was done with dinner quicker than normal, so I rinsed my plate off and started to head upstairs.

"Jean? Don't you want to stay down here with us?" I heard Mom call from the other room.

I hesitated on the stairs, torn between wanting to actually talk to my parents and wanting to tell them to leave me alone. In the end, the latter part won, and I went upstairs without a sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updates for this will be really fast because I already have it done ha ha. The next story will be the one that takes forever. 
> 
> \--Shelby


	3. Chapter 2

I pried my eyes open to the sound of the alarm on my phone going off. I groaned and rolled over to turn it off. Why the hell was my alarm going off anyway? Oh, wait. I was going to be stuck in a tin can going down the highway at over 75 miles per hour--my parents are insane drivers--all day. I covered my face with my hands. I didn't mind being in a car if I was in the front seat, but I obviously was going to be stuck in one of the middle chairs.

"Why me?" I grumbled.

I had taken a shower the night before, so I had set my alarm to 15 minutes before Dad wanted to leave. I got up and changed into the comfiest shirt and shorts I had that still looked presentable and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I tried to get my blond hair to do something decent, but it refused.

I honest to God thought that I was adopted when I was younger because Mom had brown hair, and Dad had black hair, but Mom assured me that I wasn't. My hair was just blond because of the recessive genes they carried and whatever. It wasn't a big deal to me anymore. Sometimes I wished that I  _ was _ adopted, so I wouldn't have to tell other people that I belonged to this circus.

The door to the bathroom opened, and I turned around to tell Eren to fuck off--it was just too early to deal with him--but it was just Connie. He ran in and latched himself onto my leg. I sighed at him. He's started this new thing where he likes to grab onto somebody's leg and have them carry him around like that. He only lets go if Dad gives him the death glare or you give him food. He especially likes to do it to me.

"Dude, get off."

"No."

I reached down and pried at his fingers, but they wouldn't let go. "Don't make me get Dad."

His eyes grew round with fear, and he was out of the bathroom before I could even blink. I rolled my eyes. Sometimes that kid was really weird. Mom always said that he reminded her of me when I was a little kid, but I  _ really _ don't see it.

"Jean! I need your suitcase."

"Calm down, I'm coming," I assured my father.

"My mother could come down the stairs faster than that at the age she'd be now, and she's dead."

"Whatever."

If I'd known my grandmother in the first place I would've bristled. As it was, Dad never knew my grandfather because he was a bit of a deadbeat, and his mother died right when he got out of high school. He was devastated and ended up living with his Uncle Kenny until he could get on his feet. I'd heard from Mom that he didn't like Kenny very much, but he respected the guy. I've never met him, so I didn't really have much of an opinion on the matter.

I dragged my suitcase outside to the van where Dad was trying his best to fit the other luggage in the back. He may have been short, but he made up for it in muscle. There was proof of this as I saw him haul Mom's huge-ass suitcase into the back. I mean my arms started hurting just  _ looking _ at it.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

I shook my head and handed him my suitcase. "Nothing."

Mom came out of the house with Connie on her leg. "Connie, you are not getting any cookies this early in the morning."

" _But_ _wwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyy_?" he whined.

"I already told you that it's too early in the morning."

"No, it isn't."

He finally realized that Dad was glaring at him because he immediately let go and ran back inside.

"Connie! Get back--" Mom turned to me. "Go get him please?" She didn't wait for my answer before she started helping Dad with whatever the hell it was that he was doing.

I sighed and went back inside. Mikasa was pulling a barely-awake Eren towards the door. Honestly, it was like the kid could barely take care of himself sometimes. "Did you see Connie run by?" I asked her.

She pointed towards the very back of the house. I nodded a thanks and went out to the backyard. He was sitting on the grass petting Erwin who was panting hard in the heat of summer.  _ Eren and I might just have to shave him again, _ I thought.

"Come on, buddy. We have to get in the car."

"I'm gonna get in trouble, he told me with a solemn face.

"Then you should stop hanging off of people's legs."

He crossed his arms and made a face.

I held out my hand. "Come on."

He scuttled forward and grabbed my leg.

I groaned. "No, Connie. I'll even carry you out, just stop hanging on me."

He huffed. "Fine." He let go and held his arms up. I reached down and picked him up, settling him on my hip as I made my way back out front.

Mikasa and Eren were already buckled up in the seats all the way in the back. Eren had already fallen asleep. Mom was in the passenger's seat she rolled down the window when she saw me coming. "Do you want me to buckle him?"

"No, I've got it," I told her. I put Connie on his feet. "Okay, bud. Get up in your seat." He got up in his car seat, and I reached around him to buckle him up.

"Thank you," Mom said.

I made a sound of acknowledgment and shut his door before I went around to the other side of the van and got in. Through the window, I saw Dad lock the door before he jogged to the car and got in the driver's seat.

He turned around and made eye contact with all of us--the ones that were awake anyway--before saying, "This is going to be a fun trip whether or not you little shits--" smack on the shoulder from Mom; he didn't even blink "--like it or not. Okay?"

_ Wait, if we didn't like it, then how could it be fun? Did he even know what he said? _

We all nodded. His gaze lingered on mine as if he could hear my thoughts before he turned around and started the car. I closed my eyes tried to fall asleep.


	4. Chapter 3

"Mommy, I'm hungry!" Connie yelled, causing me to wake up. I kept my eyes closed as I listened to Mom tell him to wait for just a little while longer. Connie started pouting but let it go. For now.

Out of all of us kids, he was probably the easiest to get along with. Sure, he had his moments, but for the most part he was a really well-behaved kid. Most people think that Mikasa would be the easiest to get along with, but that is totally not the case. If you piss her off, she will not hesitate to shave one of your eyebrows off while you sleep. (A/N: she should do this Erwin in the actual show.)

I opened my eyes and stretched as much as I could in the cramped space. I leaned over and looked at the clock. We'd only been driving for two hours. I groaned. It felt more like five hours if you asked me.

"What's wrong, Jean boy?" Mom asked as she craned around to look at me.

"Nothing--we just have a really long way to go."

She smiled. "I know. Just try to sleep some more."

I let my head fall back and hit the headrest.  _ Fuck _ .

"I have to go to the bathroom," Eren said from behind me.

Mom looked at Dad, a question in her eyes. He nodded. At the next exit, he pulled off and went to a gas station. The second the car stopped, I jumped out. I stretched and rubbed my eyes. Have I mentioned that I don't like driving long distances in the back of a car?

Mom took Connie in to pick something up to eat, and Eren and Mikasa went inside to use the restroom. Dad got out of the car with a dark blue spray bottle and went inside. I squinted at his retreating form and shook my head. To each their own, I guess.

It was another three minutes before Eren and Mikasa got back, and Mom and Dad followed after them. Connie happily munched on a small package of Oreos, his fist wrapped around Mom's finger. The spray bottle dangled from Dad's hand, obviously full.

Reluctantly, I got back in my seat, and we took off again. I stayed awake this time, and after 20 minutes my head started to swim. I don't know if it's the fact that most of the things I'm looking at are stable while I'm actually moving or if it's going back and forth from seeing stationary things to moving things that makes me feel sick, but it really sucks. It starts with my forehead starting to feel weird. Then the feeling moves to encompass my whole head. After that, it seems to go down my throat and into my stomach. The only thing that ever fixes this is going to sleep or just keeping my eyes closed.

I mentally cussed myself out while I covered my eyes with my hands and leaned forward. I tried to take deep breaths to keep myself from gagging. I'm not so sure if I mentioned the fact that I hate traveling by car.

"Motherfucker," I muttered under my breath.

"Yes?" Dad replied.

"Not funny," I groaned.

"Wasn't trying to be," he replied seriously. I looked up to find the rearview mirror cocked, so he could look at me, his eyebrow raised. "Do you need to take something to keep you from puking all over the place."

"No, thanks," I replied hotly. Maybe he really did care about me being sick instead of having to clean the van. And maybe I could shit rainbows. I mean, maybe he did care, but you'd think that after being a parent for 17 years he'd learn how to at least  _ preten _ d to be sympathetic.

He shrugged and put the mirror back the way it was. Pretty sure he didn't actually care.

I heard a click behind me, and Eren crawled forward between the seats. "Are we there yet?"

"No," Dad dead panned. "Go sit down."

" _ Really? _ " I asked with disbelief. "We have  _ hours _ left. We  _ obviously _ won't be there for quite a while. How about you just sit down and take a nice, long nap."

Eren squinted at me. "Don't tell me what to do--you aren't my father."

"No, he isn't, but I am, and I'm telling you to go sit your ass down," Dad said, sounding annoyed.

Eren turned to face him. "Why does Jean get to be up here? I wanna sit up here."

"Eren, just come sit down," Mikasa said quietly.

"No."

"Baby, go sit down," Mom tried to reason.

I saw Dad's hand start moving.

"Only if I get to sit where Connie is."

Connie looked up from the book he was coloring in. "Whaaaat?"

"No," Mom said.

"But why?"

"Because then I can't get him buckled very easily."

Dad's hand moved some more. Mikasa tried to get Eren to sit down again to no avail.

"Then why can't Jean sit in the back?"

"Baby, you know that he gets carsick easily."

Eren smacked his fist against his thigh. "So what?"

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "Do you want me to throw up on you?"

"Well, maybe if you weren't such a--"

_ Tchika _ .

Eren's eyes were squeezed shut. He opened them and his mouth in shock. " _ What _ the--"

Dad pressed the handle of the spray bottle down again. Connie laughed. "No. Go sit down."

I realized that my mouth was dangling open. I quickly shut it and smothered the urge to grin. I could  _ not _ believe he had just sprayed Eren in the face like that.

"Was that  _ really _ necessary? Mom asked him.

Eren crawled back to his seat, all the fight having left him. He was uncharacteristically quiet as he buckled up and stuffed a pillow behind his head. He didn't say anything to Mikasa when she shot him an I-told-you-so look. I also could've sworn that I'd seen tears in his eyes. I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

I could still see Dad's expression in the rearview mirror, and if I was correct, I thought I saw the ghost of a smile fly across his face. Maybe this trip wouldn't be as bad as I thought.


	5. Chapter 4

It was almost 5:00 by the time we got to Evergreen. We had to stop at a supermarket to get groceries. Apparently the cabins are literally like your own house while you stay there.

Yay.

The cabin itself was pretty decent. It wasn't an A-frame, but it  _ did _ kind of look like one. There was a reddish porch on one of the long sides. The door was on the porch, and there was a sliding glass door between where the legs of the A would be in the back part of the cabin.

The inside was surprisingly big. There was a bedroom in the very front--with an AC unit and a closet--a fairly big bathroom--though the shower was really small--a kitchen--complete with a fridge, microwave, and tiny stove-top oven all broken up by small countertops--and a living room--the ceiling went all the way to the roof; there was a couch, a dining room table, a coffee table, and a recliner. There was also a metal, spiral staircase that led up to the second floor--it made the ceiling over everywhere but the living room, and it had two beds and an AC unit.

I was begrudgingly impressed.

When we got inside, I claimed a bed upstairs. After some debating, it was decided that Mom and Dad would be in the front bedroom while Connie slept on the couch and Eren and Mikasa slept together in one of the beds upstairs. I wasn't too thrilled with having to sleep near Eren for the next however-many-weeks, but I decided not to say anything.

The only downside to sleeping upstairs was getting my suitcase up there. That staircase was really small width-wise, and my suitcase was not.

"Come  _ on _ , you  _ son _ of a  _ bitch _ !" I hissed at my suitcase.

"Wow, Jean. That actually had some sort of rhythm to it."

I narrowed my eyes at Eren. He was on the first floor still, waiting for me to get up before he even attempted to tackle the stairs. "Shut up, angry dwarf." I heaved it again.

"Angry dwarf? Is that really the best you can do?"

I ignored him and heaved my bad one last time. Miraculously, I was at the top. "Oh, thank God," I whispered. I pulled it to the bed closest to the front, by the AC. I set it down and put the AC on "cool" and turned it from 81 down to 70. Immediately cold air started blowing through the vent. I put my face up to it and sighed.

"Ah, I'll bet it feels like you're running, racehorse."

I turned around and glared at Eren as he pulled his suitcase up the last stair. "Okay, you can stop with the horse jokes now. It was funny when you were four, but now it makes you seem really immature."

Mikasa showed up at the top of the stairs before he replied. "We're going to the lodge. Quit acting like such drama queens and hurry up." And she was gone.

Eren spared one last glare at me before he ran downstairs after his twin. I waited a minute or two before following him outside, so I wouldn't have to see his stupid face.

Mom was waiting on the porch. "Come on, slow poke."

I looked around. "Where are the others?"

"They went to the lodge ahead of us."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why did you stay behind?"

"Is it so wrong for a mother to want to walk to the lodge for the first time with her oldest baby?" She reached her hands up and pinched my cheeks while making baby noises. I made a face and slapped them away, embarrassed. She just laughed and smacked me on the back. "Be nice to your mother."

Together, we walked across the street to the lodge with her poking me in the side most of the time and me attempting to dodge her attacks. I darted up the two or three steps leading to a small porch and opened to glass doors to the back of the lodge.

The lodge was fishing themed, but it wasn’t overwhelming. There were various signs dotting the walls that said things about being nice and not telling anybody else where you caught your fish--ha. To the right and forward was an almost U-shaped counter with bar stools where people of various ages were eating or drinking different forms of ice cream. Right in front of me were two long tables sitting parallel to the front and back with short and long benches on all sides of them. Another bench in the shape of an upside-down L with a green cushion on it ran along most of the wall to my left and some of the wall in front of me. Dad was sitting next to a fish tank that separated the door to the front and the bench on the side opposite to where I was standing. He had Connie--who was holding a chocolate ice cream cone--on his lap. There was a door to my immediate left. Through the windows, I could see a small arcade. Mikasa and Eren were taking turns on the pinball machine. 

Connie jumped out of Dad’s grasp and ran towards us when we walked in. Mom swooped him up and starting blowing on his tummy, making him giggle like a maniac. I may have been a “moody teenager that had no emotions,” but even  _ I _ thought that was cute. I looked at Dad’s face and saw that his expression was soft.

_ When was the last time he looked at me like that? _ I thought suddenly. Did he  _ ever _ look at me like that? The look was full of love, and it made me wonder if he loved me too. If he ever did love me. He may have been a person that rarely showed emotions, but after living with somebody like that, you learned how to pick up on the slightest changes in expression. As far as I knew, he never looked at me like that.

Mom set Connie down, and he promptly darted out the front door before Dad or Mom could catch him. Mom’s shoulders slumped. “Not again.”

“I’ll get him,” I said and headed out the door, my mood sour from my previous thoughts. 

Outside, I got a full view of the lake. It was huge. It went a fair distance in either direction before trees blocked my vision. Over half of the shoreline that I could see was covered in sand. In front of every cabin that was on this side of the road was a dock and a rowboat on either side. I vaguely remembered Dad saying something about us--cabin 28--sharing a dock with cabin nine. There was also a kind of closed-off dock in front of the lodge with a pontoon boat on either side. Four benches looked like they were bolted on the far side.

To the left was the pool. A big deck wrapped around it and several of those pool lounging chairs surrounded it. Half of it was inside, and the other half was in the sun.

I saw a small figure running onto the closed off dock, and I sighed.  _ Connie _ . 

I jogged down the slanted deck I was standing on and headed to get him. I slowed when I got to the beginning of the dock.  _ Fuck, _ I thought. Connie was latched onto somebody’s leg.

I ran down the rest of the dock and around the corner as fast as I could, slowing down when I felt it start to shake under my feet. The guy was looking down at Connie helplessly, his brown hair falling into his face. He was wearing a light blue tank top and green shorts, but that wasn’t the thing that caught my eye. His shoulders and face were smattered with freckles.

I shook myself and ran up to him when I saw him start to lose his balance. “Oh my God, dude, I am so sorry.” 

He looked at me with brown eyes that said,  _ What do I do? _ “Um...”

I reached down and tried to pry Connie off of the poor guy’s leg. When he saw me, he held on tighter. “No. He’s nice.”

“You don’t even know him. And if he’s so nice then why are you being mean to him?”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “No, I’m not.”

Freckles' hand settled suddenly on my back. He obviously was about to fall over.

“Connie, come on. Do you want me to take you outside and throw you in the lake in the middle of the night while you’re asleep?”

“Yes.”

I groaned and looked up at Freckles. “I’m sorry...?”

“Marco,” he replied. When he smiled, I couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Do you want to sit down on the bench while I try to get him off?”

He tilted his head to the side. “There’s a bench...?” He reached his hand back and was surprised to touch the bench. He blushed. “Sorry,” he murmured, sitting down gingerly.

_ Um, okay.  _ I went back to work on Connie. “God dammit, don’t make me get Dad.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, but I could still see the fear that swam in them. “You wouldn’t.”

“You wanna bet?”

We stared each other down until his lips started trembling. He pulled his arms away from Marco’s leg. “Please, don’t tell Dad. I don’t wanna get sprayed in the face.”

“If you say you’re sorry and promise not to do it again I won’t.”

He looked up at Marco. Marco looked down at him dubiously. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it to you again.”

Marco smiled again. “It’s fine.”

“Now, go inside,” I said.

He jumped up and ran off the dock to the lodge.

I sighed and stood up from my crouching stance. “I’m really sorry. We can’t get it through his head to not do that.”

He smiled yet again. Did he have a thing with smiling? “It’s not a problem.”

I stared at the lake awkwardly. “So...”

“Um, I’m... sorry. About the bench thing.”

I looked back at him. “Huh?”

He pointed to his right eye. “Sometimes it doesn’t work. Like it blacks out.”

“Oh. Do you mind if I ask why?”  _ Please, don’t be something super tragic. I don’t want to be thought of as a dick already. At least let him get to know me, and  _ then _ think I’m a dick. _

“That’s okay. I had a stroke when I was younger.”

_ Fuck _ .

“It was pretty impossible. We still don’t know what caused it.”

“God, man, I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

His look was soft. “I’ve learned to live with it.” He shrugged. “Just another thing that makes me _me_ , I guess.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I held out my hand. “Name’s Jean Ackerman.”

He shook it. His hand was surprisingly soft. “Marco Ral. Nice to meet you.” 

We kept shaking hands until he cleared his throat. I jumped and pulled my hand back. My ears and the sides of my face grew warm. He laughed. My face heated up some more.  _ Why the hell was I blushing? _

“He seems like a handful.”

I nodded a little too enthusiastically. “You have no idea.”

“So you just have one brother?”

“God, I wish. I have two more younger siblings. Twins. Eren and Mikasa.”

“Wow. You have a big family.”

“You don’t say?” I replied sarcastically.

He laughed again. “I wish I had more siblings. I just have a little brother named Armin. He’s awesome and super smart, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it would be nice to have another person to talk to.”

I stared at the setting sun. “I know exactly how you feel.” 


	6. Chapter 5

“Well, I think I should--crap.” I turned around to find Marco partially standing up and leaning against the bench. His face got a determined look on it before he took a deep breath and pushed himself up to a standing position.

Before he promptly started falling the other way into the outer part of the dock.

I jumped forward to steady him. “Are you okay?”

He flashed his signature smile. “Yeah. Thanks. I just have to find my balance again.”

_ God dammit, Connie. _ “Do you want me to help you get back?”

“Oh, no. I’m fine. I wouldn’t want to bother you.”

I let go slowly. _ Making sure you don’t fall off the dock and drown isn’t exactly a bother to me, _ I thought, but I didn’t say it out loud.

He started to make his way down the dock, but he didn’t get very far before he started swaying like a drunken man. If I hadn’t caught him when I did--again--he would’ve gone swimming a little earlier than I’m sure he would’ve wanted to. 

His arm was around my neck and mine was on his back in an attempt to support him. He was still trying to balance by himself even as I was helping him, so not much of his weight was actually being put on me. 

“Thought you said that you’d be fine,” I said with a raised eyebrow.

Pinkness flooded his cheeks and he looked bashful.

“Jean boy!” Mom opened the door to the lodge. Mikasa came out behind her and saw me instantly. 

Marco looked at me. “Jean boy? Is she talking about--”

I gritted my teeth, embarrassed. “Yeah. That’s my mom, and the other one is Mikasa.”

“Your mom seems like she’d be fun at parties,” he noted. 

Mikasa jumped down off of the deck. Mom finally noticed me (A/N: Notice me senpai), and her face twisted with confusion when she actually  _ saw _ me. For some unknown reason, I felt my face heat up. 

“Why do I feel like I’m going to get eaten alive?” Marco asked me.

“Because you probably will,” I told him regretfully. “It was nice knowing you.”

Mikasa looked up at us with no emotion. That kid scared me sometimes. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled.

Marco just started stammering. I had no idea what he was trying to say. 

Mom appeared behind my sister. “What’s going on?”

“This is the last time I do something nice.”

Mom ignored my comment and held a hand out. 

Marco shook it, looking obviously relieved. “My name is Marco Ral.”

“Polo,” Mom said. I let my head drop to my chest.  _ Great. _ “Kidding! It’s nice to meet you, Marco. I’m Jean’s mom. You can just call me Hanji.”

I could sense the kid smiling beside me. “Jean, I think I’ll be okay now.”

I shifted my attention back to him and pulled my arms away. He was finally able to stand on his own, thank God. But even though it was warm out, I found myself missing the heat he gave off. Weird. 

“Jean, what happened?” Mom asked.

I shot her a look.  _ Please, stop asking questions. _ “Connie practically attacked his leg,” I said before I remembered that I told him I wouldn’t tell. Oops. Well, I was pretty sure I just told him that I wouldn’t tell Dad, and I didn’t.

She sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“That’s okay,” he replied with yet another bright smile. Jesus, did this kid  _ ever _ stop smiling?

“So why were you guys holding each other?” Mikasa chimed in. I’d forgotten she was here. Son of a  _ bitch _ . Why was my family so nosy?

“Noth--” I began, but Marco cut me off.

“I suffer from hemiparesis--weakness--vision problems, and can tire easily because of a stroke I suffered when I was younger.”

Mom blinked. “Really? I’m a physical therapist and a nurse, so I work with people like that a lot.” She squinted. “You look familiar.”

He looked at her with raised eyebrows. “I do?”

Mikasa and I exchanged a look. This wasn’t going to end well. 

“Yeah, you do.” A few seconds later, her eyes lit up. “Is your mother Petra?”

“Um... yes.”

“Oh my gosh, that is so weird! She was a really good friend of mine and my husband’s, but then she moved shortly after you were born, and I never heard from her again. We were all neighbors!” She looked between me and Marco. “You two used to play together. Not much, obviously, since you were both babies, but you know what I mean.”

I looked at her. “We did?”

“Oh, yes. You two used to  _ love _ each other!” She turned back to Marco. “How is she doing?”

“Um, good...”

Aaaaannnnnd I tuned out. Out of all the things that parents do, asking the kids how their friends are doing is the worst. Like just ask for their number and call yourself. We don’t have the time or fucks to tell you about our parents’ lives. 

“Really? We live there too!”

My ears perked up. “What?”

“They’re moving back, apparently,” Mikasa yawned. Obviously, all of this was so exciting that she could barely handle it. 

“Back where?”

“Back to where we live!” Mom said excitedly.  _ Calm down. _ “It sounds like the house down the block from where we live. Oh my God, I can’t wait to tell Levi--he’ll be so excited.”

Ha. Excited. I doubt he even knew what the word meant. The closest I’d ever seen him get to excitement was when Shopko had Tide on sale. Buy two, get three free.

“Can we go now?” Mikasa begged.

“Marco, it was really nice to meet you.” She pulled a notepad out of her back pocket along with a pen and scrawled a series of digits on it before handing it to Marco. He looked at it like she was giving him a dead baby, but he took it anyway. “Give that to your mom. It’s my number.”

“Will do.”

“ _ Mom _ .”

“Okay, okay, sweetie. I’m coming. Let’s go Jean.” She let Mikasa pull her towards the lodge.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay getting back?” I asked Marco.

He smiled. “I’m at least 3% sure.”

“I’ll see you later?”

His smile grew broader. “Of course.”

I followed Mom, looking back occasionally. Each time I did, he was still looking at me, and I felt a rush of heat every time our eyes met. When I got to a point where I couldn’t see him anymore, I realized that I already missed his gentle smile.

_ What the hell was wrong with me? _


	7. Chapter 6

Dad’s eyebrows raised the slightest bit. Wow. He was obviously surprised. “Really?”

“Yes!” Mom was practically bouncing off the wood walls with... I don’t even know what this is called anymore. Excitement just wasn’t a strong enough word to describe it. I honestly was starting to doubt that there would ever be words to express:

A.) How I felt at seeing legit emotions on my father’s face

B.) Just how scared I was at how enthusiastic my mother was

C.) These weird feelings in my stomach whenever I thought about Freckles

Mom’s phone chimed with a text. “Oh! She got my number. I wasn’t sure if she actually would contact me.” I squinted at her. She seemed worried for some reason. She shook herself and typed in something short. It wasn’t long before she got another reply.

She was ecstatic.

I cringed and went up the stairs. We had already had dinner. Mikasa and Eren were on the second floor doing God knows what, and Connie was in Mom and Dad’s room until they decided to go to sleep.

Eren looked up from his manga when I got to the top. “What has her so excited?”

I shrugged. “Apparently some old friends that they lost touch with are here too, and they’re moving back to town, supposedly down the street from our house.”

He raised his eyebrows. “For real?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you met any of them?”

Marco’s smiling face immediately came to my mind. I felt a sudden urge to keep the rest of my freak-show family from meeting him. “Maybe.”

He looked at me expectantly and waved his hands. “And...?”

_ He’s really super nice, and he never stops smiling. I may not have had much time to talk to him, but I know that he would never say anything bad about anybody, and he probably doesn’t cuss either. He’s got these freckles all over the place, and sometimes it’s hard for him to see out of his right eye because of a stroke, but I wouldn’t change that about him because, as he said earlier, that’s a part of what made him  _ him.

“He’s nice.”

His look said,  _ Really?  _ “That’s it?”

“What book are you reading?” I asked, hoping to distract him. He lifted it off the floor enough for me to read the cover. “ _ Attack on Titan _ ? What’s that about?”

“These giant derpy giants called Titans like to eat humans. The humans built a series of three circular walls to hide behind to keep from getting eaten. 100 years after they do that, these two other Titans crash through the first wall, and everybody is either eaten or has to move inside the second wall. Basically, it’s about trying to kill the Titans.” He furrowed his eyebrows at the book. “But it’s kind of creepy ‘cause we’re in there too.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Whaddaya mean?”

He pointed to a person on the cover. It looked just like him. “That’s Eren.” He flipped around until he found another person and pointed to him. “That’s Jean.”

Sure enough, it looked like me if I was a cartoon character. “Weird,” I muttered.

I sat down next to him, and he showed me Mikasa, Levi, Hanji, and Connie. By then I was more than a little creeped out. I also noticed that the book Mikasa had a red scarf that she never took off.  _ Our _ Mikasa had a red ribbon necklace with a charm on it that she never took off. Except she got hers from our Grandma Carla on Mom’s side. 

“That is really super weird. You shouldn’t be reading stuff like that,” Mikasa said from where she was leaning over the bed to participate in the conversation too.

Eren shrugged. “It’s got a good plot, so I think I’ll stick with it, but I don’t know.”

“I think I agree with Mikasa on this one.” I patted him on the back. He just went back to reading. I shook my head and crawled up onto my own bed, pondering the insane, coincidental weirdness of the manga book when my phone vibrated in my back pocket. 

I pulled it out and checked what it was. It was a simple “hello” text from an unknown number. I was really confused. Sure, I had acquaintances back home, but there was nobody that I was actually close to. I was more of a lone wolf--or horse, as Eren would say.

Oh my God. Now  _ I _ was making fun of me.

Anyway, I liked to keep to myself, and loners just have to be alone.

_ Um, hi? _ I replied.

A few second later, I got a reply saying,  _ Oh, sorry. It’s Marco. _

_ How did you get my number? _

I could almost see him blush.  _ I asked my mom to ask your parents.  _

They actually gave it to him? Did this mean that he was thinking about me? And why did that make my heart soar? You know what, I’m just going to blame in on the car ride. Yep. The car ride fucked me in the head, and now it is affecting my reactions towards Marco.

_ I hope thats okay with you? _ he sent.

_ That’s totally fine, _ I said instantly. Wow, I sounded eager.

_ Ha ha. I’m glad.  _

_ So I can assume that you made it home okay? _

_ Nope. Texting you from the trunk of some stranger’s car. (; _

I found myself smiling in spite of myself. Was this normal? I think his smile is so contagious that it went through the phone.

_ That’s nice to know. Get me some saltwater taffy while you’re away? :-) _

_ I’ll be sure to do that ha ha. _

So it went like this for quite a while. Before I knew it, I had to turn the light on my phone down because everybody was going to sleep.

“Who are you texting that has you so... happy?” Mikasa asked. Leave it to her to ask the questions that I didn’t know how to answer. 

Was I not normally happy? The answer to that was a big, fat, glaring NO. I didn’t even know why I was unhappy all the time. Was it just that I unconsciously knew that I could be talking to somebody like  _ this _ when I was just talking to anybody else around me? Because everybody else was a dull black and white compared to Marco’s interesting and saturated color.

“Marco,” I answered carefully.

“Who’s that?” Eren asked.

“The person that I met today. The son of Mom and Dad’s friend.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, Connie found him,” Mikasa said to Eren. “Grabbed onto his leg like white on rice. Almost fell over too, but Jean held him up, so he wouldn’t fall into the lake.”

“Really?” Was that awe I detected in his voice? “Wow, Jean, why didn’t you tell me this yourself?” he asked in a voice that always accompanies a smirk. Nope. No awe.

“Wasn’t that big of a deal,” I murmured.

“Turns out he’d had a stroke when he was younger, so now he has trouble balancing, problems with one of his eyes, and gets tired really easily,” she continued.

“Woah, cool.”

“That isn’t  _ cool _ , Eren,” I hissed. 

“Jeez, don’t get so defensive. I just meant that he sounds like a cool guy. I mean, he seems like somebody that likes to swim--”

“How do you figure  _ that _ ?”

“Marco Polo. Duh.”

I rolled my eyes at his stupid logic. 

“He got Jean to smile too, so he’s probably really nice. Or funny. Or both. And if he’s nice and or funny despite his past, then that means that he’s probably resilient, optimistic, and strong willed. Especially if he gets tired easily. Do you know how hard it would be to swim like that?”

“Eren, we don’t know if he likes to swim yet.”

“Whatever. You get my point.”

“What was your point exactly?”

I heard the sound of him pulling the sheets up to cover himself up. When he answered, it was so quiet that I could’ve imagined him saying, “Maybe he’s good for you.”


	8. Chapter 7

"Jean! Do you want breakfast or not?" Dad yelled from right below me in the kitchen.

I groaned and rolled over. I was having literally one of the best dreams ever even though I couldn't remember what it was now. God dammit, Dad. Thanks a lot.

"Well? Even if you don't, it's already ten. You need to get up."

"What are we having?" I finally yelled back.

"Eggs and bacon."

I sat up.  _ Bacon? _ I swung my legs around and stood up, stretching afterward for a good 30 seconds. As I was descending the stairs, my foot missed most of one, and I lost my balance. Fortunately, I was holding on to the metal post that the stairs wrapped around. "Holy shit," I murmured to myself. 

"Didn't know that shit was holy," Dad commented. 

I was sure that my look portrayed that I was not amused. 

"Lighten up a little."

I just looked at him. " _ Lighten up _ ?  _ You  _ are telling  _ me _ to  _ lighten up _ ?"

A ghost of a smile passed over his face. "Everybody is outside."

"Um, okay."

As promised, everybody  _ was _ outside. What he had failed to mention was that we also had guests over. There were four people. The first was a kid that looked like he had... a yellow coconut as hair. I shit you not. I almost felt bad for him, but the more I looked at him, it started looking more normal. He was running around with Eren and Mikasa. They looked like they were having a great time.

The next person was a really tall guy with dark hair leaning against the side of the cabin. He smiled when he saw me. I waved back awkwardly.

After that, I noticed a kind looking woman with light hair. She and Mom were sitting at the green picnic table on the porch. Mom was, of course, talking animatedly while the lady watched with an amused smile on her face.

Finally, I noticed Marco sitting on the porch step with his back to me, talking to Connie. When Connie saw me, he ran past Marco and straight to me. Well, not me, but rather my legs. 

Marco turned around and flashed me one of his smiles. “Morning, Jean.”

I was suddenly very glad that I’d put a shirt on before I came down the stairs.

“Hey, Horseface!” Eren yelled from the grass. “It was about time that you got up and started mooooving like your barnyard friends.”

I made sure Mom wasn’t looking before I flipped him off. Blond Coconut looked really confused. The tall guy seemed perplexed as well. Eren loudly started explaining to Blond Coconut why he was comparing me to a horse. My face burned.

“Are you alright, Jean?” Marco asked, concern in his voice and on his face. 

“Yeah, fine.” I ignored the freeloader on my leg and sat down on the step beside Marco. The breeze blew, and I could smell the lake. I noticed that his hand was mere inches from mine. If I wanted to, I could--

“Did you sleep well?”

I shook myself and asked myself for the upteenth time what was wrong with me. “Mm hm. You?”

“Well, I did after I got home,” he said, referring to our conversation last night.

I smiled at him while winking, and I thought I saw the tops of his ears turn pink. 

The door behind me opened, and I craned around to see Dad carrying out platefuls of food balanced on his arms. Mom and her friend jumped up to help him set them on the table. 

“Connie!” He looked up at the sound of my voice. “Food!”

His eyes lit up, and he was gone. I sighed, and Marco started laughing. “I take it he really likes to eat.”

I nodded. “You have no idea.”

Just then, a little girl about Connie’s age with mousy brown hair pulled up into a messy ponytail came around the corner of the cabin with a crazed look in her eyes. Was she drooling? “Food?” 

“Sasha!” Another person came around the corner, but this time, it was a man with blond hair cropped close to his face. He picked the little girl up and held onto her tightly despite her attempts to be let down. He noticed all of us staring at us and said, “I’m really sorry.”

Sasha’s eyes grew wide as she spotted the table. “ _ Fooooood! _ ”

The guy cringed. “She has a bit of obsession with eating yet somehow gains no weight.”

"Oh, that's fine," Mom said with a smile. She loved little kids.

Connie stared at Sasha. She stared at him. "Do you like to eat too?" he asked seriously.

She nodded solemnly.

They both broke out into the biggest grins ever. 

"I think we just found Connie's soul mate," Eren commented.

* * *

All Connie wanted to do after Sasha left went after her. He didn’t want to eat, and he didn’t even want to go inside and sleep, his second favorite thing. It was quite tragic, actually. I could tell my parents were worried about him.

Eren and Mikasa were the exact opposite of Connie. It turns out that Blond Coconut was Marco’s younger brother Armin. At first, he seemed kind of shy, but he got out of his little bubble as the morning went on. 

Mom and Dad--mostly mom--chatted with Petra and Bertholdt, Marco’s mother and uncle. I was about to ask why his father wasn’t here too, but I’d already pried enough as it was. What if his parents were divorced, or, worse, what if he was dead?

Yeah, I wasn’t going to mention it.

For all that Dad lacked in the emotion department, he made up for in his cooking skills. Like you wouldn’t expect an impassive midget with four kids to be able to cook like that, but I guess the world was full of surprises. 

He had made eggs--scrambled and over-easy--bacon, sausage, and toast. He even spent the time to pick all the grapes off of the stems and put them in a huge bowl with strawberries and bananas. All of the food made me wonder how early he had to wake up to do all of this. And when the hell we got all of this--I sure as hell didn’t think that we’d picked up that many eggs, and I didn’t even know that we  _ had _ grapes in the fridge. 

“Thank you, Mr. Ackerman,” Armin piped up from where he sitting on the grass. His statement was followed by variations of, “Thanks/Thank you, Levi/Dad/Mr.Ackerman.”

I swear to God I saw his face turn the lightest shade of pink. 

When we were finished--all the food was completely gone--everybody helped to bring in the dishes. Mom washed and Dad dried them while Petra watched Connie--though he was just lying on the grass; could people get depressed at that age?--Eren, and Mikasa. 

I went upstairs and changed into swimming trunks and a tee shirt. Marco and I were headed for the lake when Eren yelled, “See ya, Seahorse!”

I was about to reply when I heard the door slam open. Dad stalked purposefully towards Eren with his spray bottle. Eren had turned around, so he didn’t see him coming. Mikasa’s eyes seemed to be laughing. Armin looked confused. Again. Though I didn’t blame him. Dad grabbed Eren’s shoulder and turned him around. He was grinning, but not for long.

_ Tchika. _

It was totally silent as Dad turned around and went back inside. I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from laughing, but despite my efforts, I did, in fact, start laughing. I put my fist up to my mouth to try to stifle them.

Marco and I crossed the street as quickly as we could without running to the sound of Mikasa saying, “You deserved it.”

“Is that normal?” Marco asked. God, he looked so adorable when he made that confused face. 

“It is for our family,” I replied.

He thought about it for a moment.

“Dude, just don’t even think about it--it’s way too hard to process in one morning.”

He smiled at me. “Whatever you say.”


	9. Chapter 8

“Okay, Freckles. How are you so good at swimming?”

He looked up at me from where he was floating. I was still sitting on the dock--we were right on the outer edge of the enclosed dock--but I’d taken my shirt off. My feet were dangling in the water, and he grabbed one of my ankles to keep from floating away.

My leg somehow went numb and hypersensitive at the same time.

Right when we had gotten to the beach, he had taken off without me, peeling his shirt off and running surprisingly fast for a guy that said he got tired easily. He didn’t even stop running when he ran out of dock. He went flying through the fucking air with his legs and arms still moving. When his head rose back up to the surface, he’d said, “Oh my gosh--it’s cold!”

I could only stare for several minutes.  _ Eren was right--Marco  _ did _ like to swim. Not for the same reasons, but still. Who woulda thought? _

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve always liked swimming. I can’t fall over in the water, and if I can swim long distances without getting tired, then I can walk around for most of a day without getting tired too.”

He tugged on my ankle. “Get in.”

“That’s what she said,” I muttered.

“What was that, Jean?” The way he was floating made him look upside down to me. Even then, I could tell that he really didn’t hear what I’d said.

“N-nothing,” I said quickly. “I just said that the water is cold.”

He smiled. “Don’t be such a baby.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not a baby.”

He let go of my ankle and stood up in the water, facing me. He raised an eyebrow, but he was still smiling. “Is Jean boy a baby?” he asked in the type of voice that I’d heard Mom talk to little kids in.

I glared at him.

“Come on. I know you can do it.” He tilted his head. “Are you too scared to jump off the dock? Do you need me to catch you?”

“Alright, asshole.” I braced my foot on the metal under the wooden part of the dock and jumped forward to catch him but missed, landing completely in the lake. I came up, sputtering. Marco was laughing. I lunged forward again, but he evaded me.

“See? I knew you could do it. Yay!” 

“God dammit, Marco. I’m gonna get you!”

He was back to his normal voice when he said, “You have to catch up to me first!” He disappeared under the water.

I started swimming in his general direction, but I wasn’t getting anywhere very quickly. Yeah, I knew how to swim, but I usually just hopped around, moved my arms, and hoped for the best. 

Today was no exception. 

“Marco!”

I saw his head pop up all the way on the other half of the dock. “Polo!” he yelled in response before ducking under the water again. 

I couldn’t help but laugh. I knew that if my name had been Marco instead of Jean that I would’ve  _ hated _ that game. It wasn’t surprising that he was okay with it, what with his bubbly personality and all.

We swam--well, he swam, I hopped--around for another ten minutes before I gave up and leaned against the dock. The next time he came up, he was closer than I thought he was, but I pretended not to see him.

He seemed to have bought my act because he silently slid back under the water. Shortly after, he appeared again, but this time, he was much closer. Damn, he moved fast. He went back down for a third time, and I saw him come closer under the water. He didn’t have much time to do anything when he came to the top because I grabbed him and wrestled him against the dock, being careful not to do anything that could hurt him. 

We were both panting when he stopped struggling. My hands were on his wrists, and his back was against the dock. The sound was that of the wind, the waves, and our breathing. We were so close that I could count all of his freckles.

He blinked and looked up at me shyly, and God dammit, it melted my heart. I didn’t move a muscle when he started to lean forward. My eyes slid shut, and I felt his breath fanning across my face. Butterflies erupted in my stomach at the thought of what he was going to do. He may have been pinned against the dock, but  _ I _ was the one that was captured. 

His lips tapped my nose right when the dock started to shake from people running on it. I was immediately snapped out of my stupor. I jumped backward with a gasp. We locked eyes. Neither of us said anything.

“Hey, Horsefa--”

I turned away and started climbing the nearest ladder as fast as I could. “Leave me alone, Eren,” I growled. I stomped away, still flustered from what could have happened.

* * *

“Woah, what...?” Eren said mostly to himself as he watched his older brother storm away. He furrowed his eyebrows. He hadn’t seen Jean this upset in a long time.

“Hey, Marco.” 

Marco looked up from where he was in the water, staring at the surface. “Hm?”

“What happened?” Eren already knew what had happened. He had run ahead of the rest of his family to the lake, so he was the only one that saw. He would never tell Jean this, but he actually thought that it was kind of cute.

He saw Marco’s neck and ears flush before the rest of his face turned red. “I don’t really know myself. It just kind of... happened.”

Eren sat down on the deck, criss-cross applesauce. Both of them looked out on the shining surface of the water. “Do you think he hates me?” Marco asked finally, breaking the silence. 

Eren thought about it for a moment before he answered. “No,” he said carefully. “I don’t think he hates you. Knowing my brother, he probably hates himself.”

“Why?”

He sighed. “He doesn’t like to open up to people, you know? It’s hard for him to let others know what he’s feeling. Just in the past 24 hours, it seems like he’s opened up quite a bit to you. I think that he just realized it and got scared.”

“Okay.” Silence. “And what about you? Are you okay that I... did that?”

“I think that Jean is too moody and needs somebody to help him be happier. You seem like a person that could do that. You look like you balance each other out."

“But... I’m a guy.”

Eren shrugged. “So what? Gay marriage is legal in all of the states now. I personally think that you guys like each other, then go for it.”

Marco sputtered. "Marriage? It was just a little... something. I don't know. Just... I-- Nobody's getting married!"

Eren grinned. "You know what I mean." He could see why Jean liked this guy, even if he didn't realize it yet. "To answer your earlier question more directly, I think that he hates himself right now because he allowed himself to become vulnerable. Needless to say, he doesn't handle that very well."

Marco nodded. "Well, what do I do?"

Eren shrugged. "Beats me, but you might wanna catch up to him before he locks himself in the cabin."

Marco barely hesitated before he used the ladder to get onto the dock. He went to grab his things, and Eren saw that Jean had run off without his own stuff.

"Just leave it," Eren told him. "I'll bring it back later. Oh, and Marco?" he said as the freckled boy hurried off of the dock. "Could you do me a favor and not tell Jean about this? I wouldn't want him to think that I actually  _ cared. _ "

Marco smiled and nodded. "Sure."

After he was gone, Mikasa showed up. She sat down next to Eren. "Did anything happen while I was gone?"

Eren shrugged. "Not really."

* * *

My ears perked up when I heard somebody calling my name. I slowed, thinking it was Mom, but when the voice called out again, I sped right back up. I didn't run--running brings attention to you, and that was the last thing I wanted right now.

How could I have let that happen? We almost kissed. We were both guys--nothing about this could end up going well. And what if somebody had seen us and told my parents? I had no idea how they would react. Gay rights wasn't really a topic we discussed at home, and if they did, then I obviously wasn't around to hear it.

I didn't even know why I cared what they thought. It wasn't like it was  _ their _ life. It wasn't even any of their business, so why did their opinion matter to me so suddenly? 

I still wasn't sure what I even felt about the situation. I knew that I was freaking out for no real reason. I also knew that some of me wanted to leave this resort immediately, but there was an even bigger part of me that wanted me to turn my ass around and get some more from him.

Sure, I'd had a few girlfriends in school, but they were all flings and lasted about a week. Was a relationship with another guy going to be the same as a relationship with a girl?  _ No, stupid,  _ I told myself.  _ You both have dicks. _

I shook myself. Now was not the time to be thinking about sex. Why was I even thinking about sex right now?

"Jean,  _ please _ slow down!"

I ignored him until I got to the highway. Right after I crossed the road, I heard the sound of flesh hitting the pavement, hard. I turned around to see that Marco had fallen into the middle of the highway. 

And there was a car coming.

I rushed back and hauled him up and to the side of the road where I had just been right before the car came whizzing by.  _ Thanks for slowing down, fuckers. _

Marco clung onto me, and he was shaking. "A-are you ok-kay?"

My jaw almost dropped in disbelief. He almost got hit by a god damned car, and  _ he _ was asking if  _ I _ was okay? "I believe that I should be asking you that. What were you thinking? Didn't you look both ways?"

"You didn't slow down, and I  _ did _ look both ways, but I guess I didn't notice that my eye was acting up again, and I... I'm so sorry."

I felt like a total dick. If I had just stopped then we wouldn't have had this problem. And I already should have known that he must've been worn out from all the swimming. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even  _ think _ about how he must've felt or what he'd been trying to say.

Without thinking, I clutched him to my chest. His arms wrapped around me lightly, as if scared that I might run off again. His head was resting between my shoulder and neck, and I realized that we were the same height. He was still trembling.

"Don't apologize. It was my fault and we both know it. But the next time, you don't have to come after me."

"There's going to be a next time?" His voice sent vibrations into my chest. "We're still good?"

I took a deep breath and held him tighter as an answer.


	10. Chapter 9

Marco and I didn’t exactly talk much when we got into the cabin. I was making Ramen noodles, and Marco accepted my offer when I asked if he wanted some. Right now he was sitting on the couch with his legs pulled up next to him. I think he was still kind of in shock--even though he was pretending to be tough--and the subtle way that he turned the left side of his head towards something when we were looking in that direction told me that his right eye wasn’t quite back to normal yet. 

I stared into the pot of-not-yet-boiling water and willed it to heat up faster. The heat was up all the damn way--what more did it want?

“A watched pot never boils,” I heard Marco say.

I screwed up my face. “Got that fucking right,” I muttered. 

“Hm?” 

“Nothing.” We were quiet for another couple of moments before I said, “Does it bother you that I cuss? ‘Cause if it does I can stop.”

He smiled, and his head tilted to the side the smallest bit. It kind of reminded me of a dog looking at its owner. “I don’t mind your cussing. It makes conversation... interesting. Why would I mind?”

“Well, I don’t know. You just seem like somebody that doesn’t, and I don’t want to offend you.”

“ _ I _ don’t cuss, but I find it somewhat hilarious when other people do.”

I narrowed my eyes curiously. “Do you read at all?”

He nodded.

“So when you come across a swear word, what do you do? Actually, read the word? Only say part of it like, ‘What thfu...?’ Or do you just skip over it completely?”

He laughed at my questions. “I read the whole thing. I just don’t ever say it.”

I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter behind me. “So why don’t you cuss? I mean, doesn’t that get hard? Doesn’t the urge to just cuss somebody out ever cross your mind?”

He laughed again. “I don’t really ever get upset like that. I just don’t have the need. I don’t personally get any satisfaction out of saying such bad words myself, and since I don’t ever get upset, I have no need to say them. Sure, sometimes I wanna say one just to be a rebel, but then I think otherwise?”

I snorted. 

“What’s so funny,” he asked, laughing.

“You called yourself a rebel.”

“Oh.” He laughed again. “That probably wasn’t the right choice of words.”

“So what you’re telling me is that you don’t get mad? Ever?”

He bit the inside of his cheek and tilted his head some more as if in deep thought. “No, I don’t think I ever have gotten mad.”

“Holy shit, you’re like a saint.”

“A saint?”

“No, you’re right, that doesn’t quite fit...” I tapped my fingers against the counter. “I got it!” I pointed at him. He gave me a deer in the headlights look. “You’re like a freckled Jesus!”

He raised an amused eyebrow. “Freckled Jesus?”

“Yes! It’s perfect.”

He shook his head, smiling. “Whatever you... Hey, Jean.”

“Yes?”

He craned his head to look behind me. “I think the water is boiling.”

I turned around to find the water at a rolling boil. Sweet. I grabbed the packets of Ramen and broke them up a few times before dumping them in the water, being careful so the water wouldn’t splash up. I pulled a fork out of the drawer and started poking at it. 

“Jean, what are you doing?”

“Trying to break it up.”

I could imagine him raising an eyebrow. “You might want to wait for it to get soft first.”

“Who the hell has time for that?”

He laughed. It sounded like he was closer for some reason. I shook my head and decided that it must be because of the way the room was shaped or something. “Literally everybody else,” he said.

I nodded my head. “True, but I’m not everybody else.”

Arms wrapped around my waist, nearly scaring me half to death. His head rested on my shoulder, just like earlier. “I know, and I wouldn’t want you to be.”

His words chipped at a proverbial wall that I didn’t know that I had built until now. My head said that I should shake him off and tell him to leave, but my heart told me otherwise. 

In the end, my heart won out. I set the fork down and put my hands over his. I realized that they were shaking--mine, not his. He seemed to relax into me more--I guess he was expecting me to push him away. He moved his wrists, so his hands were overlapping mine and laced his fingers with my own.

We just stood there for the longest time. Neither one of us said anything. Neither one of us did anything until one or both of us started rocking slowly from side to side. I noticed that the Ramen looked close to being done, but I really didn’t want to break away from him. 

“Jean,” Marco mumbled, his lips so close to my neck that I could feel his warm breath.

“Hm?”

“You might want to keep the noodles from boiling over.” He released my right hand but held on to my torso after he let go. Obviously, he didn’t want to completely let go either. 

I picked up the fork and pulled out a noodle, letting it cool off before I tried it. They were done, so I flicked the stove off. Again, neither one of us moved. I would have to rummage around for the bowls, and if we were like this, that would make things awkward. He seemed to realize that and reluctantly let go. My back was strangely cold without him there. 

I found the bowls in the cabinet right above my head. I pulled out two and wondered if they were deep enough to hold all of the noodles. Surprisingly, it fit very nicely. 

I stabbed a fork in each bowl and picked them up. When I turned around, I found Marco leaning against the counter. For some reason, I thought that he had gone to sit back on the couch. He immediately moved to grab his own. Our fingers and eyes met at the same time, sending a shot of... something down my spine. I bit my lip on instinct and almost dropped both of the bowls. 

We sat down across from each other at the table. Somehow our toes found each other underneath the table. I found myself blushing, and when I looked up, Marco was blushing too. We made eye contact and immediately started laughing.

“We’re kind of pathetic, aren’t we?” I said.

“Kind of, yeah,” he returned with his sweet smile.

I took a deep breath and looked him right in the eye, figuring that I’d held off long enough. “So what do we do now?”

He seemed to know exactly what I was talking about. He stirred his noodles. “I don’t know.”

“I’ve never really dated anybody at school before, so not only am I confused about what to do in any type of romantic relationship, but I also don’t know how my parents would react to me dating anybody at all.”

His eyebrows pulled together. “Are we dating?”

I looked back down to my noodles. “I don’t know. If we were, then what would we even  _ do _ ? I mean, we don’t have to worry about a long-distance relationship because you’re moving to the same town that I live in.”

“True.”

I started chewing on the inside of my lip. 

“Maybe we could try it while we’re here. If it works, then we’ll still be able to keep it going. If it doesn’t work, then it will probably be awkward, but we can stay friends, I hope.” He seemed to shrink in on himself, but his eyes darted in my direction, looking through his lashes. “If that’s okay with you.”

On a whim, I reached across the table and snagged his free hand. “That would be perfect.”


	11. Chapter 10

In the end, we decided to not tell our parents if they didn’t ask. We were going to act as casual as possible though I wasn’t even sure what casual even meant in this situation.

“How was your first day, Jean? I didn’t see very much of you,” Mom said.

I blinked and looked up at her. We were all crammed around the kitchen table. “It was fine.” I stabbed at a piece of chicken. “Mostly hung out with Marco.”  _ That _ was a fucking understatement. We stayed together for most of the day and decided to meet up again tomorrow.

"He seems like a really nice kid, don't you think, Levi?"

Dad looked up. "Actually, yeah."

Mom hit his arm. "Be nice."

He squinted. "I  _ was _ being nice."

"Is it okay if Mikasa and I do some kayaking with Armin tomorrow?" Eren asked.

"Oh, sure, honey," Mom said.

Dad's eyebrows raised slightly. "You're going to be doing some form of physical activity?"

I looked down at my plate, trying not to smile. He  _ did _ have a point.

The sound of choking made me look up. Mom was holding her hand over her mouth, trying in vain not to laugh. Dad stared at her like she'd sprouted a horn out of her forehead. 

Eren looked offended.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie," she finally said. 

He seemed doubtful.

"That wasn't funny." She was still laughing. "Levi, we are supposed to be the  _ adults _ here, remember?"

"I don't remember agreeing to that. Show me the proof."

She flashed her wedding ring at him. 

Sigh. "It was true, though," he mumbled into his glass of water.

* * *

I leaned back on the bed and put on my black framed glasses. They weren't hipster or some shit like that, but they were rectangular in shape. I only needed them to read, and I read fairly often. Not many people knew that about me. They just took one look at me and, for some reason, usually figured that I was the village idiot. 

I pulled out  _ Paper Towns _ and opened to the spot where my ticket stub for  _ Insidious 3 _ was holding my place. I didn’t get very far until I had to put my earbuds in from all the noise everybody was making downstairs. Normally, the noise didn’t bother me, but sometimes it made me consider going Van Gogh. 

I had read about a paragraph when my phone lit up with a text. It was Marco.

_ Hi. (; _

_ Good evening, Freckled Jesus, _ I replied. I realized that I was smiling and my lip was between my teeth. 

_ Good evening haha (; _

_ You’re such a happy person. Like, how do you do it? _

_ How can I not be happy when I’m talking to you? _

Another chink in the proverbial wall. I looked straight in front of me at the wooden wall. It was littered with knots. Movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. It was Eren, and his cheeks were flushed. 

I pulled out a bud and looked at him, expecting him to say something. I was not disappointed. “What’s a dildo?”(A/N: This is for all of the people that watched Noragami abridged.)

My eyebrows shot up into my hairline. “Come again?”

I could hear laughing from down below.

“Um... I think you should ask Mom or Dad about that.”

He crossed his arms, looking kind of uncomfortable. “They told me to ask you.”

What the hell? Wasn’t that what parents were for? Food, internet, and explaining embarrassing things. 

I cleared my throat. “Why do you ask?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I heard some girls talking about it today. Armin said that he knew what it was, but he swore he would never talk about it, and Mikasa is just being Mikasa.”

“I’m not telling my twin brother what one of those is!” Mikasa yelled. 

Eren leaned over the edge of the short wall that ended the second floor. “Why not?”

“‘Cause you don’t need to know!”

He groaned in frustration and turned around, giving me an expectant look. 

I put my ticket stub back in my book and set it on the nightstand. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and put my elbows on my thighs. “Eren, how about we go take a walk.”

He looked confused. “Uh, sure.”

I rubbed my face and sighed. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

When I got outside, I texted Marco.  _ I have to do some explaining for my younger brother. It might take a while. _

He replied with, _ That’s fine. I’ll talk to you later. (: _

I slid my phone into my back pocket and looked up at the sky, wondering just how I was going to explain this. I sure as hell was not looking forward to it. It was going to be embarrassing! 

_ Maybe it’ll be a bonding experience, _ I told myself. I snorted.  _ Yeah, and maybe after this we can go skipping off into the sunset. _

The door opened behind me and Eren stepped out onto the porch while looking as uncomfortable as I felt. “Let’s get this over with,” I said. “Follow me.”

He did. I started walking along the edge of the highway. He walked beside me on my other side. I rubbed the back of my neck. “Okay, so you know what... masturbation is, right?” I said, cringing.  _ Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now. _

“Um. I don’t think so.”

I died a little bit more inside with those five words. “That’s when you, you know, start doing stuff with your--”

“Okay! Okay, I know what it is.”

“Right. Well, girls do it too.” I cleared my throat. “And sometimes they like to use... things... that are shaped like... us.”

I spared a sideways glance at him. He seemed to be comprehending my words. “I think I understand?”

“Okay, you know what? Fine. It’s a giant rubber dick, okay?” I felt my ears and face grow really hot really fast.

I looked at him. His eyes were wide with shock.

“And no, I’m not explaining to you what a dick is because you are one at times and we both have one. So don’t even think about it.” I turned around and headed back to the cabin. I heard him follow me after a short hesitation. Neither one of us dared to say anything.

I ran upstairs when I got back to the cabin and gathered up the stuff I’d need for a shower. I saw Eren sitting on the couch, still in shock when I descended again.

I heard Mikasa go, “I told you so,” really quietly. 

Mom and Dad both stared at me when I paused at the bottom of the stairs. I made sure to make eye contact with both of them before I started shaking my head. I pointed my finger at Dad, then Mom, then Dad again. “You both owe me so hard,” I said and then hurried into the bathroom. 

I could’ve sworn that I heard the both of them start laughing their asses off the second I turned the water on.


	12. Extras

Eren watched as the three nice-looking teenage girls about Jean’s age walked by. Two of them were blonde and the other was a brunette. All three of them were wearing short shorts and colorful tank tops. One of the blondes had her hair up in a messy bun. 

“... think I wanna go shopping,” Brunette said.

“I know me too. I should probably get something more exciting for my boyfriend,” Bun Head replied. 

Other Blonde made a sound halfway between a laugh and a snort. “Who needs a boyfriend when you have a dildo?”

All three of them laughed.

Eren felt his eyebrows pull together. He had never heard that word before. 

“Hey, Eren!”

He turned at the sound of his twin’s voice. 

“What are you looking at?”

He spared one last glance in the girls’ direction before running towards the water. The rocks hurt his feet until he got far enough in that there were hardly any at all. “Mikasa, do you know what a dildo is?”

Mikasa’s back was to him, and she turned around very slowly. One of her eyebrows were raised. “Huh?”

Eren pointedly looked at her. “I didn’t stutter.”

Armin splashed over. “What’s going on?”

Eren turned on him. “Do _ you _ know what a dildo is?”

Armin’s eyes grew really wide. “Omigosh.”

“ _ What _ ?”

“You shouldn’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Seriously, Eren,” Mikasa told him with a knowing look. “You don’t want anybody to hear you say that. It isn’t very good.”

“So you  _ do _ know what it is?”

She raised her chin slightly. “I might.”

“Then why won’t you just tell me?”

She didn’t answer, just stared at him defiantly.

Eren rounded on Armin again.

“Oh, no. Uh uh. No freaking way am I gonna say it. I told my mom that I would never talk about it ever.”

Eren groaned but decided to let the subject drop. For now.

* * *

Mom almost spit her mouthful of red wine all over Eren and started coughing even harder than she did at dinner. 

“What did you say?” Dad’s voice drifted out from the kitchen where he was washing the dishes. “Did you just ask what a dildo was?”

Eren nodded. 

Mikasa groaned and dropped onto the couch next to Connie. Eren noticed that he had headphones on and was playing on the tablet he’d gotten a while back. “Not this again,” she muttered.

“Again?” Mom sputtered. 

God. Eren just couldn’t understand why these people wouldn’t tell him and get it over with. 

“Yeah. He asked earlier today, but I wouldn’t tell him.”

Dad sighed. “Well, a di--”

He was cut off rather suddenly by his wife putting his hand over his mouth. Eren wondered how she had gotten over there so fast. Dad looked at Mom with a raised eyebrow. 

“You will not tell him,” she hissed. 

He made a muffled sound beneath her hand.

“Because he is too young to know right now.”

Another muffled sound. 

“I guess you have a point...”

His face seemed to say,  _ Duh. _ More muffled talking.

“Oh, yeah, I guess you can get back to washing the dishes.” She pulled her hand away.

“I agreed to the terms and conditions of marriage, but I don’t remember signing up to deal with  _ this _ shit,” he muttered.

“Well?” Eren tried again, getting impatient. 

“He could always ask Jean.”

The three of them turned to Mikasa.

She shrugged and went back to reading her book. Sometimes Eren thought that she was more like Jean than himself. 

When Eren turned back to his parents, they seemed to be having a conversation with their eyes. 

“Just go ask Jean,” Mom said finally.

Eren threw his hands in the air and turned to climb the stairs. He would much rather have his parents answer this question than his older brother, but if he wanted to know, then he knew he’d have to suck it up.  _ I’m not a quitter, _ he reminded himself.

* * *

After it was all said and done, he wished that he had let the question drop completely.


	13. Chapter 11

Marco stared at me with wide eyes. “You had to do  _ what _ ?!”

I looked down, totally embarrassed. We were walking to the lodge to get something to eat. “Yeah. It was totally awkward.”

“Oh, wow. That must’ve been tough. I’m embarrassed  _ for _ you.”

We stopped and I thumped him on the shoulder. “Thanks.” We started walking again.

“So what happened after that?”

“I took a shower and went to bed. Thank God I didn’t have any nightmares about it.” 

“ _ I’ll _ say. I don’t think I’d ever be able to look my brother in the eyes ever again if I had to do that to him.”

“I know! And it was super weird at breakfast. Neither one of us talked to anybody, and we sure as hell didn’t make eye contact with each other.”

We got to the steps behind the lodge, and I ran ahead to hold the door open for him. He smiled at me as he walked in. So worth it. We sat at the bar and looked at the menu. It was a giant markerboard that took up the whole wall. Almost everything was ice cream. There was soda, pizza, burgers, burritos, etc. there too, but it was nothing compared to all the options of ice cream. 

The lady behind the counter smiled at us from the sink. “I’ll be with you in just second.”

Marco smiled and nodded at her before he turned to me. “What are you getting?’

I screwed up my face as I checked out my options. Mom had told us kids that we each had five dollars to use each day however we wanted, and even though that didn’t sound like a lot, there wasn’t anything to spend it on other than in the lodge. I actually planned on cashing out whatever I didn’t spend and put it in my wallet. 

“I don’t know. What about you?”

“Um...” He tilted his head. “I think I might get... a caramel coffee freeze.”

“Sounds good.” I turned my attention to the milkshakes. One, in particular, caught my eye. I leaned farther over the counter. “Excuse me, what’s the fire and ice milkshake?”

She looked up. “Oh, you choose one flavor from the board and we add a drop of this super hot sauce.”

“Just one drop?”

She nodded knowingly. “One drop is enough, trust me.”

I looked at Marco. He shrugged.

I turned back to the lady. “Are you ready?” she asked.

“Yeah. I’d like a fire and ice shake with marshmallow, please.” I looked to Marco.

The tops of his ears turned red. “I’ll have a caramel coffee freeze. Please.”

I turned to Marco when the girl turned to start making the ice cream. He looked at the counter. “I’m not good with ordering.”

Something about the way he said it struck me as cute. I reached forward and lightly grabbed his fingers with my own under the counter. “It’s okay,” I said quietly.

He looked at me gratefully. Did he think that I was going to get upset at him? 

Not long after, Marco got his coffee, and I got my fire and ice. I lifted some of the ice cream on a spoon to my nose and smelled it. It didn’t smell out of the ordinary. I shrugged. Maybe it wasn’t going to be that bad. 

I was sorely mistaken. At first, it just tasted like marshmallow, but then after maybe two seconds it hit me right in the throat and spread to my mouth. It was definitely hot. “Wow.”

“How is it?” Marco inquired. 

I took another bite, and it cooled off for about three more seconds before going back to its hella hot state. “Interesting. You wanna try some?”

He shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m not good with hot foods.”

We left the lodge out front and started walking to the closed dock. Kids were already playing in the pool. I was never much of a pool person. I don’t know why either. I guess it was just the thought of swimming in a concrete hole filled with chemical water. It just wasn’t appealing.

"Not good with hot foods, huh?" I asked. 

Marco's face was solemn. "No. I'm a baby about that kind of stuff."

I laughed and bumped his shoulder with my own. Either I hit it harder than I thought I did or he was a lot lighter than I thought because he went sideways a good four feet. "Sorry,” I said as I grabbed him before he flew off the deck. We kept walking. “Oh, come on. It can't be  _ that _ bad."

He laughed. "It is! I start crying."

"Shit gets real when you cry," I said, mockingly serious.

He laughed again. "Not really. I'm just a baby."

“Yeah,” I told him, laughing too. “A big freckled baby.”

We both stared into each others’ eyes, held hands, laughed, and skipped off the dock into the sunset to the sound of angels singing.

Just kidding, but that actually didn’t sound like such a bad idea. Maybe we could actually do that but without the angels singing. Connie liked to sing. I was sure that I could bribe him to do it.

We sat down on one of the benches on the dock. Our shoulders almost touched. I made sure to sit on the left in case something happened to his eye, so he could still see me. “So what do you wanna do?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Whatever you want to do.”

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He peered back curiously. “You’re very agreeable, aren’t you?”

He smiled as an answer.

I sighed. "You don't have any preferences?"

He flashed yet another smile at me. I noticed that when he smiled, he did it with his whole face. It really suited him and his personality. How could one person be  _ this _ happy? "Not really."

I noticed that he was done with his cone. I set my shake down by my feet. "Are those your swim trunks?" I gestured with my head.

He glanced down. "Yeah."

"Hold your breath." I pulled him up as I stood.

"Wait, what? Jean, what are you--"

I held him against me before I leaned to the other side of the dock. Marco gripped me tighter and started to say something before we both fell into the lake. I let him go, and we both rose to the surface. 

I was peeling my shirt off when Marco said, "What was that for?" He sounded more shocked and freaked out than upset.

I threw my shirt onto the dock and looked him in the eyes innocently. "You said you didn't care what we did."

"Yeah, but-- I didn't mean-- You could've just asked if you wanted to swim!"

I shrugged. "That was much more exciting, don’t you think?"

He sighed. "You aren't wrong..."

"'Course not!" I said, slapping him on the shoulder. I noticed his shirt was sticking to his torso. "Do you need help getting that off?" After I said it, I realized that it sounded better in my head.

His face turned red. “N-no.”

"Wait, I didn’t mean-- Nevermind. Forget I said anything." I turned around in embarrassment.  _ Way to fuck things up, Jean.  _ That definitely did not go well. It totally made me sound like I wanted to  _ undress _ him, and that wasn’t what I wanted. At least, I didn’t think so. Okay, maybe a little, but only to... Ugh!

"Uh, Jean?"

I turned around again, hoping that my face didn’t portray exactly what I’d been thinking. 

Marco had the shirt around him in an awkward way. One of his arms was pinned to his side, the other was weirdly crunched up, and part of his face was covered up. "Help." 

I laughed and moved to help him. "How did this even happen?" He opened his mouth to answer, but I cut him off. "I don't even want to know. You  _ are  _ just like a baby.

"I tried to tell you!"

I worked on fixing the shirt. It took a long time for one damn shirt, but we got it off eventually. He looked sheepish.

I felt that it was my obligation to rile him up even more. "That was a chore," I commented.

He laughed, still giving me that look that made me want to kiss all of his freckles. Was that weird? "But you helped me 'cause you're a nice person."

I tilted my head. That was new. "Nice person? Um, no. I think you have it wrong."

He smiled kindly. "I may be partially blind half the time, but even  _ I _ can see that you're just a really nice person that cares a lot but pretends otherwise." He snagged my fingertips with his own. “That’s okay, though.”

I laughed nervously, but gripped his hand anyway. He had actually hit the nail on the proverbial head. "What makes you say that?"

"Intuition." 

His look was way too kind.  _ I can’t take this anymore. _ "Close your eyes."

He did.

I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should do what I really wanted to. I glanced around. Nobody seemed to be looking at us, but I was still a bit paranoid. I wasn't embarrassed to be wanting to kiss a guy, especially in this day and age. But it was still totally new to me.

"Um, Jean? Why are my eyes closed? Again? You aren’t gonna throw me on the dock this time, are you?”

"No, but... Do you... Would you mind if I kissed you?"

One of his eyes opened slightly. A corner of his mouth tipped up. Was he getting amusement out of seeing me all hot and bothered? I thought he was supposed to be the nice one. He closed his eye again. "That'd be totally fine with me."

I let out a shaky breath. _ Just do it. _ "Hold your breath."

When I was sure that he was, I pulled him close to me and under the surface of the water at the same time so nobody could see any of the action if they  _ were _ watching. 

My eyes were already squeezed shut tightly--I didn't feel like having my eyes hurt from lake water--but if they weren't then I would've closed them out of instinct. I found his face with my fingers and kissed him. It was only a peck, but the lake didn't seem quite so cold anymore. 

We weren't kissing anymore, but he ran his hands up one of my arms to my shoulder then back down to my elbow slowly. It was driving me nuts. I used the hand that found his lips for me and ran the backs of my fingers across his cheeks.

He was still holding my hand when we surfaced. I didn't bother pulling away.

I looked at him and saw that he was blushing. I realized that I was too. He opened one eye and looked at me before closing it and covering his face with both hands. I felt like doing the same thing but opted for dunking under the water for a moment instead. 

_ Get. A. Grip! _

I surfaced and tried to say something, but a voice yelled out, "Marco!" The voice was coming from the shore, and it was Armin.  _ God dammit, Armin. Not now! _

"Yeah?" Marco yelled back.

"Mom wants us back at the cabin."

"Okay. I'm coming." He turned to me. "Sorry, I have to go."

"That's fine." That wasn't fine.

He turned to leave, and I grabbed his arm. "Wait."

He looked at me. "What is it?"

"Can you sneak out?"

He looked mildly panicked. "I guess, but what for?"

I gestured to the rowboats connected to the docks with ropes. "I wanna take one out tonight to see the stars since there won't be much light pollution. Will you come?"

He debated for a second before answering, "Yes. What time?"

"Midnight."

He smiled. "See you then, Cinderella."

For some reason, watching him walk away, my heart fluttered.


	14. Chapter 12

The rest of the day dragged on. Marco had texted me and said that they were going to see the headwaters of the Mississippi. He promised to take some pictures for me, but I told him that he didn't have to since Mom and Dad had told us that we would probably go one of these days.

I opened the freezer and stared at my shake. I was torn between wanting to try it again and wanting to save my mouth the trouble.

I heard voices coming from the window behind me above the sink. It sounded like Eren and Mikasa. An evil idea came to mind, and I grinned. 

I snatched the shake in my hands and gathered some of the ice cream on it. I stuck it in my mouth just as they walked in the door.

"Eren, all I'm saying is, you didn't have to do that to her."

He glared at her. "Yes, I did!"

"What happened?" I asked, pretending that hell hadn't frozen over in my mouth. 

"He started getting mad at that girl Sasha for trying to eat our sand castle. It was shaped like an ice cream cone."

I started laughing. Ice cream almost flew up my nose.

"Quit laughing!" Eren growled. When I laughed harder, he snatched my shake from my hands and started eating it as fast as he could. I was surprised that he didn't notice I wasn't pissed off.

"Eren!" Mikasa chastised. "Stop being--"

"No, no, Mikasa," I told her. "He's fine."

When the shake was halfway gone, he stopped and looked up at me. "Hey, Jean. What flav--"

His mouth caught fire.

His eyes grew super wide. "Oh my God."

"Take another bite and it'll cool off," I sang.

He immediately did. It wasn't long before the coolness of the ice cream itself wore off, and he had to take another bite.

Mikasa looked between the two of us. It actually looked like she was shaking her head. "What'd you do to it, Jean?" Her voice was amused, not accusing. It was a good thing that Eren had had it instead of her. If it'd been her, I would've received a death glare and kick to the balls. Also, hot stuff barely fazed her.

"Nothing. Just got a fire and ice at the lodge."

"Jean!" Eren breathed, still sucking in the ice cream. "Make it stop!"

"Hm..." I tapped my chin. "No, I'm good."

" _ Please _ . I'm  _ begging _ you."

"I think I'll pass."

"I will do anything!"

"Anything?" I was sure my face was that of pure evil. What could I say? I liked tormenting the kid. Especially since he had such a bad temper. The only thing that could make this better was if Dad was here with his spray bottle.

"Eren, no," Mikasa said.

"Anything," he told me, ignoring her.

I shrugged. "Okay. Neither of you saw me leave."

"What?" His face was torn between almost crying and confusion. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

"I wanna do something tonight, and if you two see me and tell, I'll be in trouble."

"I don't agree to this." Mikasa furrowed her eyebrows in my direction and crossed her arms over her chest.

I shrugged. "Then Eren doesn't get the cure. And let me tell you, it burns for quite a while."

Eren gave her a crazed look. " _ Please. _ "

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine."

Eren looked at me.

"Okay, okay." I turned around and grabbed a red solo cup from the counter before opening the fridge. I pulled out the milk and filled the cup almost all the way. I put the milk back and closed the fridge. "Here."

Eren put the other cup on the counter and snatched the red cup from my hands. The relief was evident on his face when he started drinking. His eyes even rolled back in his head. What a baby.

Mikasa rolled her eyes again. "Boys."

"Thanks for your cooperation!" I said, smiling as I went up the stairs.

I could hear Mikasa reprimanding Eren until I put my earbuds in. The action made me think if what had happened last night, and I decided that when he came upstairs, I would  _ not _ take my earbuds out, even if the cabin was on fire.

* * *

I read until 15 minutes before I had to leave. Well, actually I just started at the clock most of the time. I was still dressed, so I didn't have to worry about being caught via loud suitcase zippers. I pulled on a sweatshirt I had brought before going down the stairs, avoiding the platform and top step because they were really squeaky. 

I picked up my shoes and started to get the door open. It was one of those doors that you had to yank on to get open, so it was no easy task. Unfortunately, I tapped the wall when I opened it. Connie wasn't the one I was worried about hearing the door. It wasn't Dad either, surprisingly. Actually it was Mom. She was a really light sleeper. Maybe it was the whole gotta-put-my-kid-back-to-sleep-again thing, and it just never went away. Whatever the case, I was glad that she didn't wake up.

The screen door was kind of a bitch too. I had to hold it the whole time and make it close really slowly, so it wouldn't make any noise at all. It literally sucked.

I checked my phone. I had just over five minutes until midnight. I stepped off the porch as quietly as I could and didn't put my shoes on until I got to the highway.

_ It would be really creepy to see a guy sneaking past your window right now _ , I thought. I hoped the cops didn't get called on me...

Marco was already sitting on the beach when I got there. "Sorry for being late," I said.

He smiled, but it seemed somewhat strained. "That's no problem."

I grabbed one of his cold hands and pulled it to my chest, lacing my fingers with his. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

He shook his head. "No, I'm already out here anyway. I might as well enjoy it. Besides," his smile seemed more genuine, "I have you with me."

My breath caught in my throat. I pulled away and rubbed the back of my neck nervously, hoping he didn't notice my now fucked up breathing patterns. I cleared my throat. "Come on."

We made our way to the dock that cabins 28, 16, and 8 shared. I helped Marco into the boat, and we both unhooked a rope from both ends. There were no waves, so rowing would be easy. 

I picked up the oars and slid the bars into the slots on the inner sides of the boat.

Marco and I pushed off the dock before I put the oars in the water. Rowing was loud but surprisingly easy. There were no currents working against me that I knew of, and I made it a fair distance out before I knew it. "Is here good?" I asked.

Marco nodded. "Mm hm." 

I turned around and let the anchor down, jerking the rope to the side into the gear that stopped it when it was at the bottom.

Marco was staring at me when I turned around. He seemed to shrink when I saw him. I could hardly see his face at all in the dark, but I swear to God I could  _ feel  _ him blush. "What?" I asked, amused. 

He shook his head and rubbed his arms. "N-nothing." I noticed that he was shivering.

I tugged my sweatshirt up and over my head before offering it to him. He stared at it as if he were debating whether or not he should take it. A couple moments later, he tentatively reached forward and grabbed it. He slipped it on, and I could hear his contented sigh. It was a little big on him. I thought that was weird since he was the one that was actually in shape out of the two of us. 

"Thank you," he said.

I nodded but remembered that he probably couldn't see it, so I said, "Of course."

"I didn't know that you were into astronomy."

"Um, actually..." I laughed sheepishly. "I'm not. I do like to look at the stars, and there's usually too much light pollution at home, but it isn't what I would call a hobby." Pause. "Actually, I just thought that it would be kind of, I don't know... Romantic?" Wow, was I lame or what?

He was silent, and it put me on edge. I kind of expected him to make fun of me for being so cheesy, but he pointed up instead. "See those stars right there on the horizon that look like a W?"

I squinted and saw where he was pointing. "Yeah."

"That's Cassiopeia."

"Gee, Marco, I didn't know that you were into astronomy."

He laughed. "I'm actually not. I just know that one from a STEM program that I went to one summer."

It was quiet for another couple minutes before he stood up and sat right next to me. We both seemed to be casually ignoring our closeness. Our arms brushed, and he leaned in closer. I reached around him and put my hand on his arm gently, so he could push me away if he wanted to. He didn't. In fact, he sighed and settled into me. "You're warm," he commented.

I noticed that he was also warm. He smelled good too, like cinnamon or something, and my nose was in his hair. He didn't seem to mind though because he put his head on my shoulder. I laced my fingers with his and set them on both of our knees. I kissed the top of his head softly and rested the side of my head on his.

We sat like that for what felt like forever. He finally lifted his head from my shoulder and turned his head to face me. I could see his face now from how close he was, but it was still dark enough that I couldn't see his freckles. 

"Jean, I..." He swallowed heavily and leaned forward very suddenly, so our lips met. I was surprised, especially since  _ he _ was the one kissing me. I haven't known him for very long, but even  _ I _ knew that making the first move was big for him.

I slowly put my arms around him, giving him plenty of opportunities to push me away if he wanted to stop, but he didn’t. He reached up and slipped his hands around my neck. One of my hands slid up into his hair and wound it around my fingers the best I could. It was really soft. 

We broke apart, and I rested my forehead against his. We were both breathing heavier than normal. "Was--was that okay? I mean, I haven't-- I don't know--"

I cut him off with two quick kisses. "It was perfect."

I could tell he started blushing from the way his face heated up under my fingertips. "Really?"

I kissed him on his cheek. "Really."

Silence. "Jean?"

"Hm?"

"Do you actually like me or are you with me for some other reason?"

I pulled back. "Wait, what?"

He slouched and crossed his arms. "I don't know." He shrugged. "Any other time I've dated somebody it was always because they felt sorry for me. Because of what happened to me. Also, I don't think you've dated a guy before." He shrugged again. "I just don't want to be a vacation experiment or another pity party."

All I could do was look at him. The pain was evident in his voice, and it grated on me. His past relationships must've sucked to have been out of pity.

My heart felt heavy, but my mind was totally pissed. First of all, how could somebody do that to him? How shallow could you be to not be able to see how much of an amazing person he was? A person isn't just their problem. They have likes and a favorite song and a favorite shirt. 

Second, how could he really think that I was one of those shallow people?

"Are you fucking kidding me?" 

He looked up at me, and his face was sad. "What?"

"Do you really think that I would go out with somebody because I feel sorry for them? Because that's really low. And this may be new to me, but I wouldn't have have kissed you earlier today if I hadn't seen you as somebody that I wanted to be with."

"What about those other people you said you kinda dated? Why didn't you stay with them?" He asked, but it was really quiet as if he thought that I'd yell at him or something.

I sighed. "This is gonna sound weird, but they only liked me for my stereotype."

He sniffed and looked up at me through his lashes. "What stereotype is that?"

I rubbed the back of my neck, knowing that it would sound stupid when it came out. "Like the 'bad boy.'" I used air quotation marks even though he probably couldn't see them in the dark.

Pause. "Huh?"

"I know I don't really seem like it now because I haven't ever talked to anybody here like I do to the people at school, and that's because I figured that it was time for... a break from being somebody else. I don't normally talk to many people at school, and I'm not into art or band or sports even though the track coach had been trying to get me to join since he saw my mile time in Freshman year. I haven't done drugs or anything besides the one cigarette I tried and hated in tenth grade. I'm saving up to buy a motorcycle someday, and I even have this one black leather jacket that I wear during the winter because of how comfy it feels, and, surprisingly, it keeps me warm enough. Even though all of that is me, it feels like it's me only because I want it to be. Does that make sense?" 

He nodded. 

"Anyway, the only three times I've been approached, it was only to get laid. There was one other person that came up to me, and she was okay at first, but in the end, the result was the same.

"And that's why I would never play with somebody. I know that it hurts."

He was quiet for a while before he said, "Oh. I'm sorry."

I drummed my fingers on my knees. "Do you still feel like an experiment or pitied by me?"

I kept looking at him until he finally looked me in the eyes. "No," he said softly.

I inhaled and chewed my lip. "Who hurt you?"

He looked up sharply. His face was surprised.  _ Bingo _ . "What do you mean?"

" _ Something _ had to have happened to make you so insecure."

"So what if there is?" he asked in a somewhat defensive voice.

I covered his hand with my own between us on the seat and leaned in close. "I want to chase away your worries. You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to, but I'll listen to you."

He seemed to be debating before he slumped. I used the opportunity to pull him against me again. He didn't fight me, and I was relieved. 

"It was in the middle of my Freshman year when I met him." My breath caught at the sound of his voice--it was devoid of all emotion. "He was a Freshman in college at the time. We both ran into each other at a downtown restaurant. We started talking--or rather, he talked to me since I don't normally talk to people I meet on the streets. He was really nice and became a good friend of mine. A month or two later he ended up kissing me. I wasn't sure of what quite happened after that except that I really started liking him. A lot. I told him that, and he said he liked me back, and I don't know. I wasn't sure if we were going out or what. All I knew was that he got upset when I talked to anybody else that appeared to like me at all.

"In March, I went on campus to bring him coffee one Saturday morning to surprise him, and I saw him with some other girl."

My chest started hurting. I squeezed his shoulders and planted another kiss on his forehead. "You don't have to go on if you don't want to."

He shook his head. "No. No, I want to." He took a deep breath.

"I ignored all calls and texts from him after that. I tried to get him out of my life for good, but then I made the  _ stupid _ mistake of going back to that restaurant downtown that we'd frequented. He convinced me to stay. He... he told me that he was sorry for playing with me." He laughed bitterly. I hated the sound. "But he also told me that he was never serious with me. His girlfriend knew about me. Said it was fine because he told her that he wanted to see what being with a guy was like."

He sniffed, and his voice sounded thick. "I never saw him again after that day, but it took me a long time to finally stop feeling sad over it. I don't even think that I  _ am _ over it." His body started shaking.

I held him tighter. "Cry if you need to. I'll be right here." 

He turned to me and did just that. He didn't make very much noise, but that didn't make it any less painful to watch. I just held him and rocked us back and forth.

I pulled away after a while and cradled his face in my hands, wiping tears away with my thumbs. "We're both a little fucked up," I said. He laughed a bit at my crassness. "And that's okay. Because maybe it's better that we're like that. You can be the gentleness that I obviously need, and I can, I don't know, make sure that shit like that doesn't happen to you ever again. And maybe in time we can both heal each other." I wiped at his eyes again. "So just... stop crying. Please. You're so happy that I'm about to cry too just watching you."

He placed his hands over mine and turned to kiss the inside of one of my palms. "Okay."

It was such a simple anticlimactic answer, but it filled me with more emotions that I could contain. I leaned forward and captured his lips with mine again.


	15. Chapter 13

I pulled up the anchor and cringed when I felt how slimy it was. It took everything not to puke over the side of the boat. I thought that there was only one thing that grossed me out--spitting and spit itself when it wasn't mine, but I didn't spit except when I brushed my teeth 'cause that shit is  _ nasty _ \--but apparently there was another thing to add to my list.

"Are you sure you don't need help?"

I straightened and turned around. " _ No _ ," I said firmly.

He looked down and smiled. I couldn't help but smile too. He was  _ just too cute.  _ He'd been grinning ever since we pulled away. I was fairly certain that my words had sunk into that probably-freckled brain of his. 

I also had a feeling that he was smiling just from the sheer amount of... intimacy I'd shown. I felt somewhat cut open and-and laid out for him to see, but I reminded myself that it was okay and that I was going to try to open up more, even though it freaked me out. 

I fixed the oars again and started rowing. "Tell me where to go to dock.

Marco smiled. "Aye, aye, captain."

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him when he moved to the seat behind me to watch. "Shut up," I muttered.

He just laughed at me and sat down. "Okay, move more to the right."

"Wait, my right or your right?" 

"Yours." 

I started rowing with just my right oar.

"Jean, you're going to the left."

I threw my hands in the air for a couple seconds before grabbing the oars again. I did  _ not _ want them to get away. Being stuck out on a lake was on me thing. Being stuck out on a lake in the middle of the dark with no help for hours when your phone reception sucked ass was another thing. 

I started rowing with the left oar. "Just give me your left or right."

He laughed at my frustration. "Okay."

After what felt like an hour of rowing, we finally got to the right dock. I unhooked the oars and put them back where I got them before the two of us reached for the dock. I found the slimy--fucking gross--rope in the water and hooked it to the front of the boat. Marco did the same with the back. I got out and offered my hand to help Marco, but somehow he managed to trip. I laughed at him. He blushed.  _ Dork. _

He grabbed my hand. I looked down at him to find that he was looking at the ground sheepishly. I laughed again and nudged him with my shoulder. "Let's go," I said.

I tugged him down the dock. "What cabin are you in?" I asked.

"Cabin one."

I pointed to the right. "That way, right?"

"Mm hm."

We headed in that direction. "Well, tonight was kind of a bust," Marco said.

I looked at him. "Why do you say that?"

He shrugged. "We were supposed to be stargazing. Instead, we shared painful memories, and I cried."

"But we also got to make out," I pointed out.

I could tell he was blushing. "True."

I nudged him with my shoulder. "Tell me something funny about you."

He tilted his head, and it reminded me of a puppy. A puppy with spots all over the place. "Why?"

"You said tonight was all sad, so let's make it funny before we get to your cabin."

"Oh, okay." He sighed. "I can't think of any right now. You go first."

I laughed to myself. I knew the perfect one. "Okay, so Mom and Dad were out somewhere with Connie, and I found some hot chocolate packs in the pantry. I told Eren and Mikasa about it. We made hot chocolate, and it was pretty good. I should mention that we have an island in our kitchen with the sink in it."

"Um, okay?"

"Anyway, Mikasa and I were in front of the sink while Eren was right across from me. Mikasa had finished first and rinsed her glass out. Whatever. She apparently had water on her hands, so right when I took a drink, she flicked it on my face. I don't even know why, but I spit all of the hot chocolate out of my mouth. Right in Eren's face.

"Eren just stood there in shock while Mikasa fell on the ground and started kicking the cabinets because she was laughing so hard. I was shocked at first, but started laughing too."

Marco was laughing and grinning. "That's pretty funny."

"No, no, no. That isn't even the best part. The best part was that Eren looked like he'd been set on vibrate mode, and the first thing he'd said was, 'You ruined my hot chocolate.'" I had to stop for a moment because I was laughing too hard. "And he," gasp, "was so," gasp, "fucking serious," gasp, "about it!"

I grabbed onto his shoulder as I doubled over. It wasn't as funny at the time, but now it was the funniest fucking thing to ever happen to me. To this day, I still don't know why I spit in the first place. 

Marco was laughing too, but it seemed to be more at me than my story. "Jean, are you okay?" He sounded very amused. 

I started to calm down and straightened. I sighed and wiped at my eyes. "Yep. Fine. Totally."

He looked doubtful and a little bit concerned. We started walking again. This time, I was the one to grab his hand. "Have you thought of anything yet?"

He sighed. "No."

I squeezed his hand. "That's okay. If all else fails we can make some funny stories of our own.”

His face was hopeful. "Really?"

"Of course."

* * *

I kept looking back as I walked away from Marco's cabin to find him staring at me. Each time I felt something get lighter in my chest. I didn't know why I was happy about that or if this really was happiness even. All I knew was that it felt nice.

It didn't take very much time to get back to my own cabin, and sneaking in quietly was just as hard as sneaking out, but I managed. 

Eren stirred as I walked past his bed. "Jean, is that you?" he mumbled. 

"Yeah," I whispered in reply. "Go back to sleep."

"What are you doing up?"

I rolled my eyes. Either he was still not thinking from being mostly asleep, or he had a shitty memory. "Bathroom. Now shut up before Mom wakes up."

He rolled over and went back to sleep. I gave a silent sigh of relief as I slipped my shoes off. I rummaged around in my suitcase for my pajamas and changed, thankful that everybody was asleep.

My bed groaned when I got in--son of a bitch--no matter how quiet I tried to be, so I opted for the band-aid method. I flopped down as fast as I could and thanked my lucky stars that nobody was awake to yell at me.

"Jean."

I closed my eyes and just breathed for a moment. "What?" I asked my dad, trying to sound like I was asleep.

"Quit moving around up there. The least you could do is sneak in and out  _ without _ making noise."

"What are you--”

I heard the door to their bedroom close.

Wow. So Mom heard me after all. Let me just say that sneaking out at home when nobody hears your window open is so much easier.


	16. Chapter 14

I didn’t wake up until noon. The only reason I did was because Connie jumped on me, knocking the air out of me. I groaned and sat straight up after he jumped off of me. “ _ Oh my God, _ ” I wheezed.

Connie laughed and darted downstairs. 

I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. I scrubbed my fingers through my hair. Jesus, that  _ hurt _ \--he had some bony ass knees. I swung my legs off the side of the bed, threw on a random tee shirt that I grabbed from my suitcase, and ran downstairs. Dad was in the kitchen making sandwiches. Connie was nowhere in sight. 

“What the hell?” I blurted.

Dad looked up calmly. “What?”

“Did you send Connie up to jump on me?”

“No. I sent him to wake you up--it’s already past noon. I let you sleep because you were up late--did a shitty job of sneaking around, by the way. What were you even doing?”

_ Making out with your friend’s son in the middle of the lake under a ton of stars. Then I made him cry. It’s all good though because now I know why he’s so insecure when it comes to us, and I promised him that he’d be happy with me.  _ I popped my neck and stretched. “Nothing much. Just thought it would be nice to walk around outside for a while.”

He raised an eyebrow in my direction. “For three hours?” 

Well, damn. I didn’t check the time when I’d gotten home, so I didn’t know that we were out that long. Did we really talk and make out for almost three hours?

“Your friend came by to visit,” he said offhandedly, jarring me from my thoughts. 

I made a face. “We had breakfast with him, and he’s my friend.” My voice caught on the word  _ friend _ . I hoped he didn’t notice “The least you can do is call him by his name.”

“You’re right. Sorry.  _ Marco _ came by to see you earlier.”

I blinked. Did he just apologize to me? Like,  _ apologize _ apologize? In a non-sarcastic way? ‘Cause that kinda shit hardly ever happened. I stared at him. He didn’t seem to be acting like it was a big deal. 

I shook myself. “Uh, thanks. Did he say what he wanted?”

He shrugged. “No. I sent him upstairs to wake you up first, but he said that he couldn’t get you to keep your eyes open for more than five seconds, so I had to send Connie to do the job. He just left too. Marco, not Connie.”

My ears perked up at that. “Oh, okay. Thanks.” I slipped my shoes on and headed outside. 

* * *

Levi watched out the window as his eldest son jumped off the porch. He shook his head. He reminded him of Hanji sometimes in the deliberate and bouncy way he did things. Levi’d never tell  _ him _ that, but it was just an observation.

Speaking of, he’d always been good at making observations. Like the way Marco’s voice had softened the slightest bit when he’d said Jean’s name, almost like a caress. Now looking back, Levi realized that sending Marco up to wake up Jean probably wasn’t the best idea on his part, but it wasn’t like he could change that now.

Then the way Jean’s face had stalled the slightest bit when he’d been asked what he did last night. Levi knew for certain now that he’d snuck out to see Marco. But Jean had never been one to sneak out just for friends. Actually, Levi didn’t think that Jean _ had _ any real friends.

Combine that with the fact that the both of them said each others’ names with such softness brought Levi to one conclusion: they liked each other. 

He wouldn’t mind it if Jean was into guys instead of girls, but he was confused. Jean always kept to himself, so why did he decide to open up now? What was it about Marco that made Jean put his guard down?

He sighed and shook his head. He didn’t care what Jean did as long as he found somebody to make him happy.

* * *

I finally found Marco sitting on the porch of his cabin just watching the lake. Let me tell you, finding that kid was  _ not _ easy. 

I first checked the lodge, then I scanned the shore for any sign of him. I found Eren, Armin, and Mikasa in the water, but not the boy I was looking for. I checked the small putt-putt course on the other side of the highway from the lodge 50 feet--feet? Yards? I suck with distances--away from our cabin. He wasn't there either, but Mom and Connie were. Connie wisely ran to the two big wooden play sets across the baseball field. Mom followed after him. I finally got the bright idea to, hey, why not check the most obvious place for him to be? 

I stayed hidden and watched him when I found him. His legs were crossed, and he was looking out to the lake, occasionally looking at the clouds--they were looking pretty dark, and the wind was picking up. He reached up with one of his hands and rubbed his eyes like a little kid.

A pair of kids came screeching by me, and Marco looked over, noticing me watching him. His blush was immediate. "Oh, hi, Jean. How long have you been standing there?"

Internally, I was screaming at myself. I was obviously a stalker now. He was gonna think I was creepy and dump me for somebody not as weird. 

Externally, I just shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back at the same time. Thank God the next cabin was right behind me, or I would've looked really stupid trying to recover from something like that. "Long enough."

He stepped off the porch and jogged over to me with his smile in place. I couldn't help but smile back as I reached out and squeezed his hand quickly before we headed to the lodge. 

About halfway there, the skies opened up, and it started pouring. Marco started laughing and pulled me to the lodge faster by my wrist. When we got inside we weren't the only ones shaking from being wet, but we  _ were _ the only ones laughing at each other. Almost everybody in here was in a swimsuit, yet they were running from the rain. I thought that was ironic.

Somehow we found a spot at the bar. I let Marco sit while I stood next to him since we only got one seat. I would've had him sit on my lap, but I figured that it'd be inappropriate and frowned upon. We both ordered our ice cream--I got a caramel coffee freeze while Marco opted for a Moose Tracks cone.

The door opened again, and several people quieted down. At first, I thought it was because they'd went outside, but no. I was in for a real shock when none other than a cop sidled up next to me at the bar. I didn't move a muscle.

The lady behind the bar--a blonde this time--approached him. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yeah. Can I speak with the owners? It's about the missing boat."

_ Missing boat? _ Did the boat we used last night float away somehow? No, we'd tied both ends up. And even if it did, I didn't think that they would notice it for a while, what with all the people on the lake all the time.

Understanding flashed in her eyes. "Of course." She walked behind a desk on the right and talked briefly with somebody on the phone. "He's coming down now."

The cop nodded and settled in a now empty seat. I noticed that the lodge had cleared out some now that it wasn't raining. 

"Come on," I muttered in Marco's ear. "Let's go."

He looked at me with a concerned look on his face. "Jean, what's wrong?"

I just shook my head and pulled him out the front door. He didn't resist. When we got to the sand, he tugged on my shirt. "What is it? What's wrong? Do you not like cops?"

Well, I didn't like cops very much since the ones at home sucked ass. "It's not that. I just have a really bad feeling."

I looked up at the still dark clouds and somehow felt that it was a premonition of some sort. A bad one.

* * *

I found out by the end of the day that the cops had found more than just a boat. They also found a dead girl.


	17. Chapter 15

"What?" Eren finally said, breaking the silence. He looked pale. I almost dropped my fork.

Mom looked grim for the first time in as long as I could remember. It didn't suit her then, and it still doesn't now. She nodded. "She was in the basement."

I placed my palms on the table on either side of my plate on the table. "Wait, wait, wait. Start over again. What?"

Mom sighed, obviously not wanting to repeat it. "Supposedly the owners found out that one of their boats was missing, so they contacted the police. The cops found the boat on the side of the road. They went in the house when nobody answered and searched the house. She was in the basement. She's also the daughter of one of the people vacationing here."

Dad put his hand over Mom's in reassurance. 

Mikasa hadn't said a word since receiving the news, but now she spoke. "Didn't her parents notice that she was missing?"

Mom sighed. "I heard that she was notorious for sneaking out. The longest was three days long. Her parents didn't think she would pull a stunt like that here." She shook her head.

"So far they think she snuck out in the middle of the night to meet a guy across the lake," Dad interjected. It wasn't my imagination that both of my parents looked at me. I stared down at my plate. Chicken was my favorite meat, but right now it didn't look appealing at all. (A/N: Okay, so for the past two months all I've wanted was chicken lips. It's getting out of hand to be honest.)

"Anyway," Mom continued. "A lot of people are freaked out and are leaving." 

I looked up suspecting where this was going. I clenched my jaw to keep from saying anything I knew that I'd regret later. I found that I didn't want to leave. At first, I thought this trip was going to suck ass and be a complete waste of my time, but I was actually liking it here. It wasn't just the fact that Marco was here either. The people that ran the resort were really nice, and so were the other people visiting. I loved being on the lake--I hadn't been able to swim because of my hatred for pools for years, and the Mississippi wasn't something I'd even think about swimming in. The weather was even perfect. It was always windy and kept the humidity away. I liked the cabin we had too, even though I had to be in the same room as Eren at night.

"We haven't decided if we want to leave yet, but we'd like to ask you guys your opinions on the matter."

I looked up again.  _ Say what?  _ I knew that my parents were usually fair about things, but I hadn't expected them to stick to that rule when a girl was freaking dead.

Mikasa was the first to speak up. "It's probably stupid," she began slowly, "but I want to stay here the rest of our time. You already paid, right?”

"Mikasa, you don't have to worry about--"

She waved her hands in the air. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just saying that you should get your money's worth. And we don't know if it's a serial killer or not. She also snuck out in the middle of the night. It's not like any of us are stupid enough to do that."

The last statement had a sharp edge, and she briefly met my eyes. Was I the scapegoat tonight or something? I bit on the inside of my lip to keep from saying something stupid.

They looked at me next. Dad raised his eyebrow when I failed to answer within five seconds. "Well?"

I shrugged and tried to look as nonchalant as possible. It wasn't like I could let them know that I actually cared. "I'd rather stay here."

"That's it?" he asked. "No explanation?"

I reached up and tugged on my earlobe, a nervous tick I thought I'd finally gotten rid of after years of doing it in elementary and middle school.  _ I guess my dad brings out the worst in me, _ I thought and hated myself for it. "I like it here. It's too nice to leave just yet," I said, knowing how stupid I sounded. 

Mom looked satisfied, and Eren was just staring at his plate quietly. Connie was still digging into his peas. Mikasa rolled her eyes, and Dad looked disappointed.

I felt a sudden rush of anger surge through my chest. Jesus Christ, what the hell'd they  _ want _ me to do? Repeat what Mikasa said? I may not be the fucking valedictorian of my class, but I sure as hell wasn't an idiot, and being treated like Connie was getting  _ really _ old.

I clenched my fists under the table and my jaw hurt from just how tight I was biting. I took deep breaths in as quietly as I could. The last thing I needed was to be reprimanded for having emotions. 

I barely heard Eren tell them that he wanted to stay because he wasn't a pansy, and Connie wasn't quite old enough to comprehend fully what was happening. He just babbled something about ice cream, earning a big grin from Mom. And when that happened, something in me snapped.

I got up and pushed my chair in deliberately before dumping what was left of my dinner in the trash and putting my plate in the sink. I could feel the eyes of my family watch me as I moved. I had broken the unspoken rule. It was just an agreement, I guess, that you had to wait until everybody was mostly done before you got up. It was only about ten minutes into the meal.

"Jean, what are you doing?" my mother asked gently.

I didn't answer her, just started putting my shoes on.

"Jean boy?" She sounded concerned now. "It's almost dark--you shouldn't go outside."

I shook my head as I looked up at the ceiling and laughed darkly. "Why do you guys care if I go out, anyway?"

She seemed confused. "We're your parents. Of course we care if you're outside at night. Especially if it's it's a different state with a murderer on the loose."

"Mommy, what's a murderer?" Connie asked.

She shushed him. "Not now, baby." To me, she said, "We love you and don't want anything to happen to you."

I closed my eyes briefly. I wanted to hurt them the way that they hurt me. It had been a while since I'd felt like this--mostly because I always found some way to be away from them--and it didn't hurt any less than it did before. 

"Really?" I asked, looking at her. "Because you do a wonderful job of showing it."

She seemed taken aback and hurt.

"Hey," Dad said quietly but forcefully. "That isn't necessary."

I swallowed the thickness in my throat and shook my head. "If that isn't then what is? Making me feel stupid? Making me feel like an outsider in my own house and even on a fucking family vacation?" I blinked several times to hold back tears. A sharp pain sliced through my belly--my mental pain made physical.

His face grew dark, and I knew that I was in for it.

I opened the door and walked out, shutting it behind me. I was just off the porch when I heard the door open again. I started walking a lot faster. The grass was still wet and muddy from the rain, and the sky reflected the way I felt: downright foul.

"Get back inside," Dad's voice rang out. I ignored him and kept walking away, feeling tears threaten. I blinked several times to clear them. I wasn't gonna cry. Not for him.

"We aren't done talking. Get your ass back inside!"

That was when I started running. I heard him start running after me, and I ran faster. It didn't take very long for me to lose him.

I finally stopped running when I was sure that I'd left him behind. I looked around to find that I was on the path on the other side of the lodge in front of the actual A-frames. I crouched and buried my hands in my hair still fighting back tears.

_ Not over them. Not over them. Not over them. _

It became a mantra in my head. Over and over. 

_ Not over them. Not over them. Not over them. Not over them.  _

Time seemed to lose all meaning. I barely felt it when it started to rain again. I didn't know that I was even moving until I was running again. I didn't know where I was going until I finally stopped and looked up. I realized I was at cabin one. Marco's cabin. I didn't know why I came here, but I didn't question myself. 

I ran up to the porch, and Marco opened the door before I could knock. My brain registered that he must've seen me through the window. He took one look at my shivering and wet form before he gathered me in a tight hug. "It's okay," he murmured in my ear. And no matter how much I repeated the mantra in my head, it didn't work. I started crying for the first time in five years.


	18. Chapter 16

I didn't know how long we stood in the doorway. I didn't care. The moment I let it all come rushing out, I grabbed onto him and held on like he was the thing anchoring me to the ground. I didn't care that his brother and uncle were watching me from the inside. I didn't care that I was shivering from the cold. But I did  _ care _ .

Marco pulled away just enough to lead me inside. I was back to feeling mostly numb again. "I'm gonna get you a towel," he said, looking into to my eyes to make sure I heard him. I just swallowed and nodded.

Petra entered the room. "What's with all the--" She finally saw me standing in the doorway. "Oh, honey." 

Marco appeared again and threw the towel over my head, starting to rub my hair dry. I didn't protest.

"Marco, what happened?" Her voice was muffled by the towel.

"I don't know," he replied. The towel was removed, and he snagged my hand to drag me into the bathroom. Petra trailed behind, biting her thumbnail. 

He pushed me down onto the closed toilet seat. "Mom, can you get something for him to wear?" he asked as he turned around.

She nodded and left. Marco turned back to me and held my hands in his own. His face was imploring and gentle and also kinda sad, and something about that made more tears leak out of my eyes. He reached up and brushed them away, but that only made more come out. It was like all the loneliness and anger and  _ shit _ was bottled up and decided to come out  _ right this second. _

Petra appeared behind Marco, and he took the clothes from her. "You can leave your wet clothes in here. I'll wash them for you," she said to me. I nodded. She left with one last lingering look. 

Marco handed the clean clothes to me and said, "Put these on, and come in my room when you're done. It's two doors over. You can tell me what happened then if you want." He barely caressed my face, kissed the top of my head, and left.

I was more of a robot than a human as I got dressed. Arm out, arm out, head out. Fold the shirt. Arm in, arm in, head in, pull down. It was the same way with the pants they gave me to use.

I was silent as I left the bathroom and found the door Marco was referring to. It was open, and I walked in slowly. I may have been mostly numb, but my heart still jumped at the thought of being with Marco. In a bedroom. Alone.

I shut the door behind me. Marco looked up from the crossword puzzle book he was holding. He smiled softly and moved over to make room for me on the bed. "Hi."

I plopped down and pulled my legs up onto the bed. He was right next to me, so I let my head settle on his shoulder. He scooted closer to me. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?" he asked slowly.

Any headway I'd had on pushing my emotions back was gone. All the hurt, sadness, and loneliness rushed back to the surface.

My voice was gravely when I spoke. "I had a fight with my parents," I began, and it all came rushing out. All the anger I've felt at my parents for treating me like a child my whole life, how alone I've always felt around my peers at school, the way I always feel like I can't do anything to ever satisfy my family even though I didn't understand why I cared, the way my siblings seemed to hate me most of the time--all of it. It was like somebody had taken out the filter in my brain, and all of my thoughts and emotions just poured out of my mouth. 

Marco was a really good listener. He didn't say anything at all--just let me talk. His hand ran through my hair in a soothing way, and he didn't comment when I started crying again, staining his shirt with tears all over again. 

I felt good but also really stupid when I was finished. I certainly wasn't the only person feeling this kind of stuff, and I knew that there were other people that had it worse than me. Plus, I felt bad that I'd unloaded it all on Marco. We hadn't even known each other for four days, and I was already burdening him with my problems. 

As if sensing what I was feeling, he said, "Thanks for trusting me."

I made a soft, confused noise.

He tugged on some of my hair absentmindedly. "You seem like the type that doesn't like to, uh,  _ emote _ very much, so I know it means a lot when you do." He sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, it means a lot that you trust me." 

I swallowed the thickness in my throat that now had nothing to do with being frustrated with everything. When he kissed the top of my head, my heart melted, and more tears pricked at my eyes. God, what was with the waterworks today?

He noticed them and swiped them away gently. "No more tears," he said softly with a kind smile playing on his lips.

The sheer amount of kindness his was showing me caused more tears fall. I leaned forward and started kissing him all over, but it wasn't rushed or anything--it was full of thanks. I started with his forehead, then moved to his eyes, nose and cheeks. I planted the briefest kiss on his lips before I went to his neck and shoulder. 

_ Thank you for being there. Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring. Thank you for letting me lean on you. Thank you for being so nice. Thank you for not being mad at me for crying on you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. _

He took it all and didn't say a word in protest. I finally got to the back of his hand when he pulled away and gathered me into another hug. Now we were  _ both _ crying, me more than him. 

We pulled back and started laughing when we looked at each other. "We  _ are _ pathetic," he said.


	19. Chapter 17

There was a knock at the door before Petra stuck her head in. "I talked to your parents. You can stay here if you want." My insides twisted when she mentioned my parents, but my heart started beating faster when I was told I could stay. “I know what a fight with Levi is like, and it isn’t fun. I think you’ll both be fine after you cool off for a night.”

_ I doubt it’ll take just one night, _ I thought, but I said, “That’d be really nice--thank you.”

She smiled--it reminded me of Marco’s--and left, shutting the door behind her. Marco and I looked at each other. Without a word, he pulled down the comforter and gestured for me to get under. I did, too flustered and nervous to look at him. What was he going to do: sleep with me or on the floor or couch? 

I was really cold, so I would benefit from sleeping with him since he was probably really warm. But maybe he didn’t want to be near me for that long.  _ I _ usually didn’t want to be near me for that long. On one hand, we could cozy up next to each other and have a good night’s sleep, but on the other hand, it could be creepy and awkward and nobody would be sleeping tonight. 

If he slept on the floor, his back would probably start hurting, and I would feel really bad for taking his bed, or he might get cold and start resenting me. Or maybe he had a weird obsession with sleeping on the floor.

But he might end up sleeping on the couch. Not only would I still feel bad for taking his bed, but I would also feel awkward. What kind of person comes into his friend’s cabin on vacation, takes his bed after being really emotional, and makes him sleep on the couch?

When I dug myself out of my thoughts again, I found him leaning against the door, looking right at me. We both blushed, but he didn’t look away like he did every other time. I bit my lip. Was he expecting me to say something?

He finally cleared his throat. “So... I was thinking.”

“What were you thinking?”

“I really don’t wanna sleep on the floor.”

“Nuh uh,” I said in agreement with him.

“And that bed looks big enough to hold two people.”

“It does.”

“So I was wondering if you could scoot over?” At the end of the sentence, his eyes darted to the floor and his face turned a very dark shade of red. I figured that was the end of his little confident, flirting streak. 

I moved over closer to the wall. He seemed relieved as he turned off the light and crawled into bed next to me. We pulled the comforter up and just stared at the ceiling, neither of us knowing what to do now. I bit down on my lip and shifted around. Marco moved too. We repeated this several times. 

After the fourth time, I groaned really loudly and rolled over so my arm was draped over him. Neither one of us moved. His back was to me, and he  _ was _ warm. He seemed to notice just how cold I was because he grabbed my arm and hugged it. Warmth flooded into me. I sighed. He flipped over. A couple of minutes later, we were tangled up, our legs in a knot and my head to his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, and I noticed that it was nice and strong and steady, and it was the most perfect thing ever to fall asleep to.

* * *

Marco looked down at the sleeping form in his arms. Jean was in as much of a fetal position as he could get when their legs were woven together. His hands were clenched into light fists against his chest. His head was on Marco’s chest, above his heart.

He thought it was a bit cliche and wrong to say that a person looked completely worry free when they were asleep because even in sleep, Jean still seemed to be stewing a little bit. There was a crinkle between his eyebrows, and his lips were turned down the slightest bit at the edges.

Even though Jean seemed fine now, Marco was still worried. He’d seen Jean running in the rain, and he had run to the door to open it before the poor guy even had to knock. He seemed so worked up over something, and Marco just didn’t know what to do, so he’d gathered him up in his arms and just held on. 

Jean shuddered in his sleep and turned his fists outward to grab Marco’s shirt. Marco smiled down at him. He knew that it was wrong to be smiling when Jean was probably having a bad dream, but he couldn’t help it. Marco was being trusted with seeing him vulnerable, and he knew that that meant a lot to Jean.

Marco had never wanted to fight before, not even when...  _ he _ happened, but now, he wanted to fight for Jean. To fight away the things that were plaguing him. 

He curled around Jean's body protectively. Jean moved to accommodate. Now, they were mostly in the same position, but Marco was on his back, clutching Jean around his waist. Jean was now mostly on top of Marco with one arm around Marco's shoulder and the other hand hooked loosely around the back of his neck. Jean's head was still over his heart. 

Marco knew that his brother was going to come in the sleep in the other bed. He knew that Armin would notice. He didn't care. He knew that people would find out eventually, and he found that he didn't care. As long as he and Jean were okay, he could face anything.


	20. Chapter 18

I woke up first at the buttcrack of dawn. I wouldn’t have normally known this, but there was a window literally right above my head. The world was tinted blue and I could only see black silhouettes of trees.

You know how in books when people always mention how they didn’t know where they were when they woke up for a moment before it all comes rushing back to them? Yeah, that never happens to me. I, unfortunately, didn’t have a moment of ignorant bliss before I remembered all the shit that happened last night. I also, fortunately, remembered what happened  _ after _ that. My emotions were currently mixed. Why was being a hormonal teenager so hard?

I wanted to leave before anybody else woke up, but I figured that it was going to be difficult, what with the way Marco and I were positioned. Somehow we’d moved during the night so I was mostly on top of him with our legs intertwined, my head above his strongly beating heart, and me clutched to him with his arms around my waist. I had to say, it was pretty comfy. A guy could get used to this. 

I lifted my head and looked at Marco’s face. He was out cold. His mouth was hanging open, and he was even snoring softly. I could see most of his freckles in the morning light. It made me want to count them.

_ One, two, three... _

What time was it? I didn’t even know. I wasn’t very good at using the light either. I wasn’t exactly good with nature.

_... ten, eleven, twelve... _

Did my parents know that I was gone? Did they care? Most of me was sure that Mom did, but I wasn’t sure about Dad. I doubted Connie knew the difference between not seeing me all night and me being out of the house all night. Mikasa probably didn’t care either way, and I wasn’t sure about Eren.

_... twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight... _

How long was I welcome here? Marco’s family seemed really nice, and I was pretty sure that they wouldn’t be able to outright tell me to get out, but that didn’t mean I wanted to overstay my welcome. Shit, I’d just sleep on the dock if it led to that.

_... thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two... _

At thirty-seven, I gave up. “Jesus, Marco. You have a shit ton of freckles,” I muttered. He didn’t even twitch. Some hair was over his eyes, so I reached up and brushed it back off of his face. He murmured something unintelligible and shifted his head around. A soft smile worked its way onto my face.

I let myself look for only a few more moments before I pulled away slowly so as not to wake him up. I was really clumsy at getting up, especially since I had to crawl over him to get off the bed because of the wall. 

Getting out without being heard was surprisingly easy. These people slept like rocks. Bertholdt didn't give any indication that he'd heard me when I opened the bedroom door even though it creaked. The front door was easy to open, thank God. I slipped my shoes on--when did I take those off?--and slipped outside.

The sun had risen some more. Soft, pale colors were coming from behind the cabin. It was quite peaceful actually, and I'm not the sentimental type. I almost wanted to take a picture. Almost.

I reached into the pocket of my jeans to fish out my phone and was really confused when I didn't have any pockets. I looked down and realized that I was still wearing the pajama pants they'd given me.  _ And _ I'd left my phone at my own cabin. Wow, how stupid could I get?

I sighed. I guess I'd just have to give them back after I got my own clothes again, whether it be from Petra or the cabin. Not wanting to go back to my family, I walked down and sat on the edge of cabin one's dock. I rolled the bottoms of the pants up, took my shoes off, and stuck my feet in the water. It was nice and cold.

I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, letting the breeze from the lake flow over me.  _ What day is it? _ I wondered. We got here on a Saturday night, and I peeled Connie off Marco that day. On Sunday, Marco and his family came over for breakfast and Eren asked me what a dildo was. Monday, Eren stole my ice cream and lit his mouth on fire. That night I snuck out to meet Marco. Yesterday, I found out about the dead girl and had that shitty fight, so that made today Wednesday. If I remembered correctly, we were leaving on Saturday morning. I was  _ not _ looking forward to that car ride.

I stifled a yawn and scrubbed my hands through my hair. I really needed a shower. I could feel the oil, and it totally grossed me out, but I still wasn't up for going home. I debated jumping into the lake but decided against it. I didn’t think that the fish would appreciate it. 

“Is there any--”

I jumped five feet in the air. “God fucking dammit, Freckled Jesus!” I yelled, whirling around. He was grinning from ear to ear. A blanket was wrapped around his shoulders, and he was in a tee shirt that was slightly skewed and pajama pants that hung low on his hips. The combination left some skin exposed. He started laughing at me from my earlier outburst. I turned back around, hoping he didn’t see my blush.

The dock moved under his footsteps and, his hand came to rest on my shoulder. He was still laughing. “I’m sorry,” he gasped. 

“I’m sure,” I muttered. “How about a warning next time?” Was my face still red? It felt hot still.  _ Oh God, oh God, oh God... _

“I didn’t think that you would get scared,” he laughed. “I’ll make sure to give you a heads up next time.”

I turned my head to look up at him, and my eyes caught that tan skin. I hoped to God he didn’t see _ that _ .  _ Jesus Christ, what was wrong with me today? _ “Did I sense sarcasm in your voice? Because I think I did.”

He shrugged. “Maybe.” 

“It sure as fuck was.” I scooted over to the edge of the dock and patted the space beside me. He sat down and we settled into an already-familiar position: my arm around his waist, his head on my shoulder, and my head on top of his. The only difference was the fact that we were sharing the blanket. He was warm, and it chased away the morning chill that I hadn’t even noticed.

“What are you doing out here in the first place?” he asked. He wasn’t upset, just curious.

I shrugged. My fingers had found that God-forsaken strip of skin. “Dunno. I guess I felt bad for taking over your bed. And causing a scene.”

He burrowed into my side more. “You didn’t cause a scene. You kinda scared me when I saw you running up here, but I’m still glad that you came to me. And as for stealing my bed,” he put his hand over mine, the one that was rubbing his side in slow circles, “feel free to take it anytime you want to.”

I felt a flutter in my stomach, and I laced my fingers with his. He squeezed my hand.

I felt a sudden, unexpected rush of relief. Nothing was different between us, really. I didn’t feel awkward or distant, and apparently he didn’t either. If anything, I felt much closer. Normally if something like that had happened to me, I would’ve shut the other person out, hating that they’d seen my vulnerable. Now, however, it seemed like instead of building a wall to keep him out, it seemed that I had pulled him into my heart before building a wall to keep anybody  _ else _ from getting to  _ him _ .

As if sensing my thoughts, he said, “Did you know that when you fall asleep with somebody your body releases chemicals that make you more comfortable to be around them?”

“Hm.” That explained a lot. “So are you saying that I should run away from you? Are you going to murder me in my sleep?”

“Ew. I don’t think I’d be able to stomach that.”

We were both silent for a moment. “Did you hear about the girl in the house across the lake?”

He lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. “Hanna,” he said. “Her name was Hanna.” 

I nodded, and we returned to our previous position. He didn’t have to say anything else because somehow I knew. She wasn’t “the dead girl.” She was a  _ real _ girl with real emotions and memories and thoughts. He didn’t want to think of her as something other than a human, and I found that I didn’t want to either.

“I wonder how she got there. I mean, what do you think actually happened?”

He shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know.” 

“What if there was a way that we could find out what happened to her?”

He looked up at me again and furrowed his eyebrows. "Huh? We aren't detectives, Jean. We don't have any resources. And we're only here for three more full days counting today."

I ran my free hand through my hair. "I know, I know. But I just can't help but feel that something isn't right here." After I said it I realized that I  _ did _ have a feeling that something was wrong. I held Marco closer to me, hating the cold feeling I had in my stomach.


	21. Chapter 19

Marco sensed my unease and tugged on the edge of my shirt. “I can go with you if you want,” he said softly.

We were standing behind his cabin, looking at the cabin my family was in. Marco had agreed to help me with figuring out what happened with Hanna.

“I don’t think I’ll be very much help,” he’d said.

I’d kissed the top of his head. “Nonsense.”

After that, we’d gone inside his cabin again. Everybody was still asleep, and he’d told me that he and his whole family were really heavy sleepers. My clothes were still in a pile in the bathroom, but they were dry. I’d slipped them on. 

I hooked him around the neck and kissed his forehead. “No, I’ll be fine.”

He looked into my eyes. I knew that he could see the unease that I was doing a shitty job of hiding. I bit my lip and told myself that I could do this--I didn’t need him to hold my hand. And besides, I wouldn’t want him to be there if we started yelling at each other.

“I’m okay,” I said, and it wasn’t my imagination that my voice cracked.  _ Damn. _

He still looked concerned. In an attempt to convince him as much as myself, I pushed my lips onto his. His eyes fluttered shut just before mine did. We weren’t lip-locked for long, but it was certainly long enough for me to tug on his bottom lip and him to blush furiously. Turns out that I really like it when my hair gets pulled.

“I’m okay,” I repeated.

“You’re okay,” he echoed. “Just… tell me how it went, okay? And you know that you can stay over again.”

“I will, and thanks again for letting me crash.”

He smiled. “Of course.” 

I pulled away. “I should get this over with.”

“You should.” His eyebrows furrowed, and he pulled me into a tight hug before he finally left. I took another deep breath before I headed to the cabin. 

The God damned door was jammed. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I hissed. I was just about to push the door open when it swung open. I was met by a pair of seriously pissed off eyes. For some reason, it reminded me of something that I hadn’t thought of for a long time.

When I was eight, Mom let me hold the twins. Now looking back, I could’ve told myself that it was a shitty idea. Especially holding them both at the same time. I was sitting on the couch, thank God, so when Eren squirmed, and I panicked, he only fell to the couch. Even then, Mikasa seemed a bit pretentious, and she made a sound as if to tell Eren that he was stupid for moving and me that I was stupid for even trying to hold him. 

Mom had swooped in and picked both of them up right away. Dad was already in my face, reprimanding me for nearly dropping my brother on the floor. I was crying from how scary he looked, and Mom was trying to get him to calm down. When I think of his face now, I realize that there was more fear in his eyes than anger.

It was the same now. Everything about him read  _ PISSED _ from his tense shoulders to his tight fists, but he couldn't hide the fear in his eyes. Was that for me? Was he scared that I'd left the night before? I scoffed internally. Hell would have to freeze over before he was worried about  _ me _ .

He didn't say anything for a good five minutes. We just stared each other down. I noticed Mom in the doorway of hers and Dad's room. She looked like she wanted to run up to us and do  _ something _ , but either she didn't know what to do, or she knew that she would just be delaying the inevitable.

"Do come in," he said frostily, but there was an edge to it. It was that damned fear again.

He stepped to the side, and I walked in stiffly. He shut the door behind me, and we continued to stare. He was the one to break the silence. “What the hell?” 

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest. “My day’s been good so far--thanks for asking.”

His gaze darkened, and he took a deep breath to compose himself. A part of me was smug from being able to get beneath his skin. I didn’t want to think about the other part of me that was guilty for causing trouble. “Would you care to explain why you left last night?”

I tugged on my ear. Goddammit, not again. Fidgeting means you’re nervous, and I didn’t want him to know that he could get to me. “I don’t like to be treated like I’m being looked down on, like I’m a child.”

“And you think that throwing a temper tantrum and running outside in the rain helps your case at all?” he fired back. I thought I heard movement and whispers from upstairs. I ignored them. If they wanted to eavesdrop, I’d let them.

I shrugged. “I’ll admit that it wasn’t the smartest thing to do.”  _ Not that I regret it, _ I didn’t add. 

“You’re damn right!”

It was my own turn to take a breath. Both of us being upset would get us nowhere. 

I noticed movement on the couch.  _ Great. _ Connie was awake now because of Dad’s outburst. “Mommy...,” he groaned.

Mom was quick to pick him up. She took him into their bedroom and shut the door behind her. I could hear her trying to get him to sleep again.  _ Well, there went our referee, _ I thought. This was going to end really well.

“You wanted to be treated like an adult? Act like one.”

“What. The. Fuck?” I said in a low voice. “Act like one?  _ Act like one? _ I do act like an adult, Dad. Yeah, I have my bad moments, but that seems to be the only thing you pay attention to. I mean, do you even  _ see _ me? Do you have even the  _ slightest _ idea of who I am? As a person?”

“What the hell kind of question is that? Of course I know who you are.”

“Oh, really? Please enlighten me.”

He made to most determined and angry face I’d ever seen on a person. “You prefer to sit in the front seat of the car when we go long distances since you get carsick so easily. When you were a baby, your first word was shit because I swore way too much back then, even around you. You had an imaginary friend named Doug, and you used to play with him nonstop until you told us he went to live in the river. You’ve never been to a sleepover since the third grade--you said your friends were boring, and you stopped hanging out with them after that. I don’t think you’ve had anybody beyond an acquaintance since, excluding Marco.”

My head was spinning with all that he’d said, but he still wasn’t done.

“Your favorite color is black, and I don’t understand why you tell us that it’s green. You absolutely hate the color orange the way that I hate fingerprints on the window. You’ve been saving up for two years now to get a motorcycle. You’ve always gotten good grades in school--way better than I could’ve ever hoped for any of you kids. You hate swimming in pools but love lakes, and that’s one of the reasons we decided to come here. I know that you like Marco.”

I was sure that all the blood drained from my face.

“Not that it matters--you can like whoever you want to--but I still don’t understand what it is about him that made you open up. But even if I didn’t know any of that, I would know one thing: You are my son, and I love you.” I realized that he was now standing in front of me with his hand on my shoulder.

Neither one of us moved. I still couldn’t believe that he knew all that about me. I honestly thought that he stopped caring about me when the twins were born. And this certainly wasn’t the way I thought that I’d be coming out. 

Behind Dad, I saw the Eren and Mikasa run down the stairs. “Did you just say that Jean is gay?” she asked incredulously. Her eyes slid to me accusingly. I looked back at her like,  _ What the fuck do you want me to do, tell you no? _

Eren glared at her. “So what? You have a problem with that?”

She looked shocked. I was bewildered too, to tell you the truth. The angry dwarf sticking up for me? The one that made sure to tell on me every single chance he got? I blinked at him.  _ Maybe he’s growing up, _ I thought.

“It’s totally legal,” he continued. “And it isn’t like somebody is their sexuality. I highly doubt he’s going to start running around, painting everything rainbow colors, and telling everybody that they look fabulous.” He crinkled his nose.  _ Maybe not. _

Mikasa looked like she was about to say something but decided against it. She looked at Eren. He looked determined. Her eyes flitted over mine and Dad’s faces too. Dad seemed like he was taking our side. I’d never seen her look so small. Metaphorically, of course. “Sorry. I guess I was just surprised,” she mumbled.

I went around Dad, between the twins, and pulled them both to my sides. Mikasa seemed even more shocked than before, and Eren looked downright concerned. “It’s fine,” I said. “I can tell you that it was a total shock to me too.”

And now things were awkward. I was making physical contact, something I never did, Dad had expressed his feelings, something he never did, Eren stood up for me, something totally new to him, and Mikasa was taken by surprise, something that never happened to her. 

Mom burst out of the other room. She took one look at us and started crying, something that wasn’t that uncommon for her. Dad looked a bit helpless. “What are you crying for?”

She covered her mouth with her hands. “It’s just... my babies. They’re growing up.”

Dad looked at us then back at her. “Where the hell did you get  _ that _ notion?” 

“ _ They’re getting along. _ ”

Wow. Did we really fight so much that Mom cried when we weren’t at each other’s throats? That was actually kind of sad. 

Before I knew it, Mom had the three of us in a giant bear hug. “What the fu--”

She smacked me in the head. “Watch your mouth.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I felt something grab my leg. I didn’t have to look down to know that it was Connie. Mom reached her arm out behind her towards Dad. He rolled his eyes and let himself be pulled into her embrace. 

I was the tallest out of all of us, and as I was looking down, I realized that maybe my family didn’t hate me as much as I thought they did. 


	22. Chapter 20

If Mom hadn't been there, things would've been really awkward when we pulled apart. As it was, she made the younger siblings go upstairs, and I stayed downstairs. I was kinda worried about what would happen now. Was I still gonna get in trouble for leaving last night? For arguing this early in the morning?

None of the scenarios running through my head were anything like what actually happened. Dad threw himself down on the couch and stuffed some pillows under his head. Connie peeked at us from the second floor and scuttled down the stairs to lay with Dad. 

He didn't protest. Connie curled up on his chest and fell asleep instantaneously. Even though the majority of us in our family were light sleepers, we fell asleep practically on command.

Dad cracked an eye open in my direction. "You wanna join too?" I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or sarcastic.

I was about to make a smartass reply when Mom interjected. "No, we're going for a walk. Get some sleep--you need it."

Before he could reply, she grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside. It was a good thing I still had my shoes on. "Is he still having problems sleeping?"

It wasn't exactly new information. For as long as I can remember, Dad's been an insomniac. He usually sleeps one or two hours a night on average. I wasn't surprised by his ability to stay awake every single day--give me some credit; I  _ am _ a high schooler after all.

"He didn't sleep at all last night." I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "He... was too worried. Thought you'd come back in the middle of the night."

I bit my lip and looked down. Now I felt like shit.  _ Make the insomniac stay awake all night on fucking purpose, why don't ya? _

She patted me on the shoulder. "It's fine now. Everything is fine."

"Why was I summoned here again?”

"Gosh, Jean boy, you make it sound like you're a demon I've just summoned."

I shrugged. She wasn't wrong.

She bumped me with her shoulder. "I just thought that it would be nice to have a conversation with my oldest ba--I mean son," she corrected herself.

"You can still call me your baby and whatever, I just don't like being treated like I have the IQ of one."

She smiled. "Okay, baby."

We had passed the mini ten-hole putt-putt course and were almost to the play sets. One of them had two swings on them. I kicked off my shoes before we got to the sandy part, and Mom followed suit. We both sat on a swing.

"Marco, huh?" 

I stared straight ahead and cleared my throat. "Yeah.”

"He seems very nice."

I made an agreeable noise. "He is. Very much so. Too nice, actually."

"How so?"

I sighed. "He doesn't like to say no to anybody, and I think that it'll get him into some trouble one of these days."

"Ah. He's one of those. Is that the reason why you like him?"

Part of me was rearing at the thought of sharing any personal thoughts and feelings, but the other part of me really did want to try to get along. "Yeah, but that's not it," I said finally.

"What else? Tell me more about him."

I bit my lip. "He's got a ton of freckles that I can't count, and his eyes have this innocent look to them, you know? Like most people become cold and hard as they grow up, and I know that I'm getting like that too, but he isn't the type of person to let harshness get to him. He's really optimistic. 

"He's the total opposite of me. He's really... calm. And sweet. And kind. He blushes a lot and smiles even more, and he doesn't cuss at all or get mad. He's Freckled Jesus, Mom."

I finally looked at her. She was looking at me weirdly with shining eyes and a trembling lower lip.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing," she said quickly. "Anything else?"

I looked forward again, knowing that if I saw her face while I was talking, I wouldn't be able to keep going. 

"He's a fighter. He had that stroke when he was just a kid, and he is glad about it. He says that it's a part of what makes him _him_ , and I totally agree with him. He even has a bad history when it comes to relationships, so he's pretty insecure in that department, but he still jumped in and decided to give me a chance. I even ran away from him because I was scared, but he ran after me. He almost got hit by a car in the process, but that just made his effort more galiant.

"I've mentioned this already, but he has the best personality in the world. He laughs and smiles constantly. He's upbeat and happy. When I was upset last night, he met me halfway up to his cabin. He cares a lot and is mild tempered. It's like somebody rewired his brain to be a ray of fucking sunshine at all times.

"But I think the best thing is that out of all the people he could've chosen the start over again with, he chose me even though I'm not like him at all." I looked down at my feet, feeling bashful from having said so much.

I felt Mom's hand smooth my hair. "It sounds like you two compliment each other perfectly."

I nodded.

After a couple seconds of quiet, she said, "Bring him over tonight. I wanna get to know him more in person."

I looked back at her. "Are you  _ nuts _ ?"

She laughed. "Oh, come on. I won't  _ embarrass _ you. Besides, I don't have the naked baby pictures of you with me."

_ Thank God for the little miracles. _

"Okay," I said reluctantly. "I'll ask, but I don't know if he'll agree."

"Didn't you say that he can't tell anybody no?" She winked at me.

Why did I tell her that?


	23. Chapter 21

Marco smiled. "Of course."

I looked at him. "No, Marco. Jesus, you're supposed to say  _ no _ ."

He seemed confused. "What? Why?"

I groaned and let my head fall back. We were on the way to the lodge. He said he wanted to do something, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. Let me just say that he wasn't ticklish. At all. It was awkward for both of us. 

"Because they're embarrassing." 

He laughed at me. "They aren't  _ that _ bad. I've already met them before."

"Right, so you don't have to do it again." Our arms brushed together as we walked. It wasn't like sparks flew or some shit like that, but it was nice.

"What are you so worried about? Nothing's gonna happen."

I leaned over and kissed the side of his neck. He jumped up and whirled around in surprise. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face. I moved ahead to hold the door open for him with a flourish. He smiled and bowed to me before going in. Inside, he went to the side of the desk and pulled down two putters and two golf balls. 

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I suck at mini golf, just so you know."

"I suck too." His face was serious. "We can suck together." I started grinning. He looked confused for the second time this morning. He still had a baby face the second time around too. "What? Was it something I said?"

"Yeah. You said that we could suck together."

It took him a moment, but his face went blank and dubious to full on, hardcore blushing in .3 seconds. " _ Jean! _ I didn't... That's not... Th-that wasn't what I meant!"

"Uh huh. Oh, sure. I know what you meant. Good old 69." I winked seductively at him for effect. Somehow he managed to blush even more furiously. 

"Now I  _ am _ gonna go to your cabin tonight for making fun of me." He started to mock pout. It made him look like he had a baby face. Again.

I tapped his nose. "Fine." I grabbed his hand and started tugging him outside. "Come on. Loser buys the winner an ice cream cone." I winked at him again, but this time, it was in a teasing way.

He smiled at me, but something was off about it. "Deal." 

"You okay?"

He tilted his head. "Fine. Why?"

I squished his cheeks with my fingers. He had a major baby face again. God, what with him and managing to look so adorable? His lips were pursed. He reached up and wrapped his hands around my palms, but didn’t pull my hands down. "Your eye is acting up again," I said. It wasn't a question.

He shrugged, trying to be nonchalant, but he still looked like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry." His words came out awkwardly from the way his face was squished.

I bit my lip, but let it--and my hands--drop. When we got to the street, I pushed him ahead of me. He turned around to look at me with a question in his eyes. "We are  _ not _ having a repeat of earlier this week," I told him.

He looked down and laughed sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry about that..."

I stood on his right side and grabbed his hand once we were across the street, so he could see his surroundings on his other side. "You can tell me if you're having any issues, you know. I may not be able to help very much, but I'll listen and do what I can."

He squeezed my hand. "I know, I just don't like to make you worry, that's all."

I squeezed back. "I’m not gonna tell you some lie like, ‘I’ll worry more if you don’t tell me,’ because we both know that I’m not gonna know if you don’t tell me. But I would definitely prefer it if you told me, so I could help you.”

He seemed to think about it for a moment before he opened his hand and pushed his fingers between mine. "Okay. I'll make sure to remember that."

It didn't take long to get to the course. There were ten holes, and they were arranged so that the beginnings formed a circle with picnic benches inside. The holes weren't numbered, so we just picked one to start with. 

I really did suck at mini golf, but I tried to suck even more. I knew that I'd feel bad if he had to pay for my cone. He had trouble with his vision most of the time, so I made sure to keep an eye on him--no pun intended.

We had a really fun time. We both cracked jokes at how bad we were, and we were so bad that it took us over a half hour to get through just ten holes. Professional golf was definitely not in my future. 

I clapped Marco on the back when we finished the last hole. "What kind of ice cream do you want?" His score was 42. Mine was 57.

His eyes were wider than normal. "You don't have to do that. I can get my own."

I raised an eyebrow. " _ I am buying you an ice cream, _ " I said firmly. "We made a deal, and you have to follow through."

He smiled. "Aren’t I supposed to tell you to follow through?"

"It should be, but you'd never say it."

"Yeah, I know." He smiled for the millionth time today. I found that it was still as interesting and wonderful as the first time he smiled at me, but now, it was familiar.

We started heading back to the lodge. That was also becoming familiar. It had only been four or five days, but I quickly grew accustomed to the nice Minnesota weather and lake swimming. I sighed internally. I was really going to miss this place when we had to leave. The reception may have been shitty, and I may have been getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, but it really was a nice resort.

"Do you really think we have any chance of finding out what happened to Hanna?" Marco asked, shaking me from my thoughts. 

I sighed. "I have no idea. I hope we do, and if we don't, I hope the authorities do." I shook my head. I couldn’t imagine coming here and getting  _ murdered _ .  _ Totally not the way I would want to spend my summer, _ I thought, then felt bad because she was  _ fucking dead _ .

He made a noise in agreement. “Do you think this person will try to come after anybody else?” Worry laced his voice. 

I bit my lip. “I don’t think so,” I began slowly. “They said that she snuck out in the middle of the lake and went to the other side of the lake.” My mouth started to dry just thinking about how something like that could’ve happened to us the other night. “We know that she was a girl that stayed at this resort. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure I have a Y chromosome.”

I looked over at Marco to find him staring at something with the strangest look on his face: jaw slack, raised eyebrows, wide eyes. He was pale, and it made his freckles stand out. I looked in the direction he was staring. All I saw were a couple bushes that were rustling in the breeze. Feeling a knot in my stomach from the way he was acting, I grabbed his hand. It was clammy. 

“Marco?” 

He didn’t respond.

I raised my free hand to his face and brushed the backs of my fingers against his cheek. “Hey, Marco. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

He blinked several times and looked at me. “Hm?”

I furrowed my eyebrows in concern. “You were spacing out.”

“Oh. Sorry, I just thought I saw something.” He smiled, but it didn’t seem quite... right. It felt like it was forced or like it was hiding something. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not into sharing my whole life story with a person I’ve known for less than a week--we all have secrets--but I could tell that something was wrong. I was torn between wanting to pry and wanting to let him tell me when he was ready, if he was ever going to be ready.

In the end, I let it go. If it was something that he wanted to tell me, he hopefully would, but until then, I was going to let him be.

* * *

I didn’t know it at the time, but I should’ve asked him about it. I should’ve made him tell me.


	24. Chapter 22

Thank God Marco was back to normal by the time we got to the lodge. The whole thing freaked me out, but if he was okay with it, then I was too. 

I nudged his shoulder the best I could from my barstool. “How is it?” I asked. He was nursing a Mango Dream flavored ice cream cone. 

When we got inside the lodge, he’d ordered that, and I’d ordered a shake with marshmallow and hot chocolate mix in it--a little bit of winter in the middle of summer because why not? It was all fine until it came time to pay for it. He’d pulled a couple bills out of his pocket and slapped them down right as I was telling the girl behind the counter to put it on my tab. She’d looked between the both of us helplessly, unsure of what exactly she should’ve been doing. Freckles and I’d had a staredown in the midst of her confusion.

“I lost. I pay,” I’d said.

He’d set his jaw. “I want to pay for my own.”

“We made a deal.” I’d narrowed my eyes.

“I had my fingers crossed,” he shot back.

“Well, that was a dick move.”

“I’m paying for my own ice cream.”

“It’s only a dollar.”

“So why won’t you let me do it myself?”

We went back and forth for well over ten minutes. Talk about stubborn. It was intense too. He  _ really _ wanted to pay for his own God damned ice cream. I was about to give in when I finally broke him. 

So here we were, me with a triumphant grin, him with a weary posture and an ice cream cone.

“It’s good,” he replied. “Wanna try it?” 

I shrugged. “Sure.”

He stuck it out, almost hitting me in the face in the process. We both laughed, and he blushed. I stuck my tongue out for him to run his ice cream down. He did. I closed my mouth and swallowed. “That’s pretty good,” I noted.

“Mm hm,” he said brightly. 

I rolled my eyes affectionately at his super happy tone. Right then, another song came on the radio. One I knew really well. "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off." Sure, it was an 80s song, but I actually liked 80s pop.

My eyes widened and I gasped quietly. Marco looked over. "What? What's wrong?"

I grabbed his shoulder. "I love this song."

"What song--"

"Not a word," I interrupted by placing my finger on his mouth as I was singing along with Jermaine Stewart, "from your lips. You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip."

"Jean, wha--"

"A quick hit, that's your game. But I'm not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain."

He stared at me as I sang and danced in my chair with a weird look on his face that screamed,  _ Oh, God. Stop. Who even are you? I don't know this person at all. _

"So come on baby won't you show some class? Why you want to move so fast? We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time. Oh, no. We could dance and party all night and drink some cherry wine. Uh huh. We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time. Oh, no. We could dance and party all night and drink some cherry wine. Uh huh. Na na na na na na. Na na. Na na na na na na. Na na. Na na na na na na. Na na. Na na na na na na. Na na!" I belted the chorus, grateful that no other people staying at the resort were in the lodge to hear me. 

"Come on, Freckles! Sing with me!"

"Nope."

"What? Why?"

"No," he said firmly, but he was laughing.

"Please?"

"Nuh uh. No freaking way. You're nuts. I can't believe you like this song."

"A man wants to be approached cool and romantically," I sang. "I've got needs just like you. Give me conversations, good vibrations through and through.

" _ Please _ ," I begged.

He sighed and started to sing along with me the best he could. By the end, he had the chorus down.

"Yes!" I yelled when it ended. I held up my hand for a high five. He just stared at my hand wearily. "Come on, man, don't leave me hangin'."

He continued to stare. "I'm not high fiving to that."

"Aw, why not?"

"This is a very low point in my life."

I just laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"Okay then, Freckles. What kind of music do you listen to?"

He lifted his head to give me his attention again and shrugged. "I'm not picky. I listen to anything, but I really like songs that have some sort of emotion in it. What about you? Obviously, you like 80s stuff." He smiled.

I grinned. "Duh. Well, I listen to really anything but country. I find myself listening to Alternative and Indie more. Old music is nice too. Anything that has good sound--as in it sounds... different from normal--or is about something somewhat meaningful."

"Wow, Jean. I didn't know you were so sentimental."

I kicked him in the ankle. "I'm not," I promised. "I'm very unsentimental."

He raised an eyebrow. "Okay, sure." He tapped my nose with his lips before he slid off the stool. I got up and followed him out the front door because I came to realize that I would always go after him.


	25. Chapter 23

"This is your last chance," I told Marco. "We can turn around right now and go do something else."

We were walking across the highway to get to my cabin. We mostly screwed around the rest of the day. Not literally, of course. He had to ask his mom if it was okay to have dinner. She'd given a very Marco-ish smile and said that it was fine. Marco and I also had to watch Connie and Sasha today.  _ That  _ was a fiasco. I swear those kids can not let me catch a break.

He smiled his signature smile. "Actually, we can't." He gestured as discreetly as possible to my father. He was hovering over a grill with a spatula. I was so glad he hadn't gone out and bought some sort of embarrassing apron just to piss me off. That was something he'd do. 

He looked up when he realized we were standing close by and gave a nod of acknowledgment. "Go on inside," he said more to Marco than me. I obviously already knew to go in.

Marco smiled, but I noticed the nervousness in his eyes. I reached out and hooked his pinky with my own before I realized what I was doing. He squeezed my finger with his own. Dad noticed the small movement. He raised an eyebrow in my direction but didn't say anything. I felt a blush creep up my face, and the urge to let go was strong, but I just held on tighter and lifted my chin fractionally. I wasn’t going to run, and I also was not going to let my inexperience with people, especially around my parents, hurt Marco's feelings.

Dad just went back to whatever he was cooking.

I silently released a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

Marco and I went inside before anything else could be exchanged between the three of us. Almost immediately Connie decided to attack his leg.  _ Jeez, was anything going to be easy tonight? _

I closed my eyes briefly. "God dammit, Connie. Really?" I asked him as I looked down. He looked back up and stuck his tongue out at me. I sighed. Why couldn’t I have had some better-behaved siblings?

"Oh my gosh," Mom said as she came in from the bedroom. "Connie, come on. I know you're hungry, but we're gonna be eating soon--I can't give you anything right now."

He just looked up at Marco. Marco looked down at him. They locked eyes. Marco blinked. A moment seemed to pass between them or something because Connie's grip started to seem more like a hug before he let go and went to sit on the couch with a coloring book.

I cleared my throat. That was kinda weird, but what was I supposed to do now? Introduce them? They already knew each other.

Marco stepped forward with his hand outstretched, always being nice. Mom seemed surprised but put her own hand in his, using it to pull him into a hug. I couldn't see his face, but I'd bet twenty bucks that he was shocked.

Mom pulled back and smiled at him. "Thank you for coming."

He was still a little dazed, but he managed to smile back sweetly. “Thank you for having me.” My stomach did a weird flop. I mentally told it to settle down. Now was  _ not _ the time to start acting like a lovestruck sucker!

I bit my lip. “What’s for dinner, Mom?” I asked to get some form of conversation moving, so we wouldn’t have to stand here and stare at each other awkwardly.

She shifted her attention from Marco to me. “Your father is making burgers and hot dogs. I'm making corn on the cob. We're also having peaches."

I narrowed my eyes. " _ You  _ are making the corn?"

Marco looked confused. Mom just waved her hands in the air. "Calm down, Jean boy. Your father wrote down specific instructions for me--it'll be fine."

"Yeah,  _ if _ you manage to actually follow them," I muttered just as Dad walked through the door.

He smacked the back of my head. "She'll be fine." He turned to shoot her a pointed look. " _ Won't _ you?"

She laughed. It wasn't very reassuring. 

"Um... we're just gonna..." I pointed up.

Mom and Dad exchanged a look. "That's fine," Mom said. "But can you help me with something real quick, Jean?"

I looked at them suspiciously but waved Marco up the stairs. “Okay, what?” I asked when I was sure that he was out of earshot. “I know it isn’t dinner because we all know I can’t cook for shit.” Actually, I could. Really well. I just never let them know for some reason. 

Dad raised an eyebrow at Mom almost mockingly before he went back outside. Mom gestured with her head for me to come closer. I did so and blew out a breath. I was getting a bit impatient and for a good reason. Leaving Marco upstairs where Eren and Mikasa possibly were was like throwing a baby with a cut on its arm into a tank of hungry sharks.

“Um... about you and Marco...”

I looked at her suspiciously, suspecting where this was going. “Yeah?”

“I’m fairly certain that you haven’t, but that doesn’t mean you won’t. Sometimes the temptation is just too much and things just kinda... happen.”

I squinted at her, refusing to comprehend what she’d just tried to tell me. “Mom, where are you headed with all this?” I reached up and tugged on my ear absently. I was sure Marco was being eaten alive already. Metaphorically, of course. Our family may have been a bunch of freaks, but I was, at least, three percent sure that none of us were cannibals. 

She popped a few of the knuckles on her left hand. Obviously, this was as hard for her to say as it was for me to hear. “Well, if you do happen to have some late-night fun with Marco, I’d just ask if you would be... protected.”

I closed my eyes and started screeching, but my mouth was closed, so they wouldn’t hear me from upstairs.

“I’m just... You... Just don’t do it, okay? You’re too young, and uh--oh God, what have I gotten myself into?”

“ _ That’s exactly what I’m wondering. _ ”

“Wow, this is more awkward out loud than it was in my head.”

I tilted my head up and asked the knots in the wooden ceiling,  _ Why me? _ I cleared my throat. “God, Mom. I doubt it’ll happen anytime soon, but would it make you feel better to know that I’ll go out and--I don’t know--buy some condoms or something?” I could feel my face and ears heat up as I said it, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Of course, I knew that she just wanted what was best for me, but couldn’t she just get me a box of rubbers with a note on it saying, “Just in case, though I’d rather you didn’t”?

She coughed awkwardly. “Um, yeah, that’d make me feel better.”

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. Very suddenly, my good old friend  sarcasm decided to rise to the surface as a sort of defense mechanism. “Right, well, I’ll go out and buy some right after breakfast tomorrow in case I decide to jump his bones tomorrow night.” I rolled my eyes automatically.

“Woah, there... calm down. I’m being serious. Don’t take things too fast.”

I laughed, but it sounded strained even to my own ears. “Oh, no. Wouldn’t want to pledge my undying love for him with my body ‘cause, you know, that’s bad. I mean, after all, if you’re happy and you know it, it’s a sin!” I ended up kind of singing the last part.

The whole time I was talking, I was tugging on my ear like crazy and looking everywhere but at her, but now, I looked at her and regretted what I’d said. She looked kind of hurt.  _ No, don’t be hurt--I was joking. Please, just laugh or something... _

When she didn’t, I bit my lip. “I-I was covering my discomfort by being a dick. I guess it’s my coping mechanism.” I looked down, feeling pretty bad about it. Honestly--why couldn’t I say something right for once?

She still seemed a bit upset, but she seemed to shake it off. She went to start making the corn, and I went upstairs, still feeling kind of bad and hoping that she understood how much I actually did appreciate her.


	26. Chapter 24

Marco was sitting on my bed looking at Eren when I got upstairs. He looked up as I reached the top of the stairs. There was a look on his face that screamed,  _ Help! _ Eren turned around to look at me too. I raised my eyebrows in question. 

“I was just telling Marco about what exactly happens to you when you get shot in the chest.”

“Uh...” My gaze flicked to Marco’s for a moment--the poor guy was pale and damn him for still looking cute as his freckles seemed to jump off his face in my direction--and back again to Eren. “Why... do you know that?”

He shrugged. “I have a lot of free time.” He didn’t offer any more of an explanation. I wasn’t sure if I was looking for more of one or if it was a good thing that he left it at that.

“That’s... great, I guess?”

Marco still looked very uncomfortable. “It was horrifying.” His eyes were a little wider than normal, and his bottom lip stuck out just the slightest bit. The whole look only served to make him look cuter than normal, and it took everything in me not to just stare at him. Correction: at his  _ lips _ . Jesus, how was it possible that something so mundane could be so hypnotizing?

Eren seemed vaguely offended.

“Uh, hey, Eren,” I said, managing to get something past my lips. “Can you go downstairs and not freak him out so much?”

He smirked. “Why so you can make out?” His green eyes glinted sharply with a mocking amusement. 

The blush was immediate and violent. It ripped up my neck and spread across my cheeks and nose, and it even made it to my ears. “No, you fucking perv. Get your skinny ass downstairs before I beat you!”

He doubled over and started cackling. “Jean wants to get some tongue action in before dinner!” he sang.

If it was possible, I blushed even more. I couldn’t make eye contact with Marco, too afraid that he might run away if I did. “Eren you douche canoe!” I lunged toward him.

He skirted around me and dashed down the stairs. I landed on the bed and got the wind knocked out of me with an impressive  _ oof! _

“Everybody knows you’re supposed to eat dessert  _ after _ dinner, Horseface!” he yelled before running outside. I could hear his manic laughter until he crossed the street.

It was strangely quiet with him gone. My face was still pressed into the rumpled blankets. I was very aware of the dip in the bed a foot or two from my head where Marco was perched on the bed. When the silence became unbearable, I groaned into the bed. “God what an asshole.”

“A-are you okay?” Marco asked tentatively.

I slowly lifted my head to see his hand partially outstretched as if he wanted to touch me somehow. I tilted my head as I looked at him. His face was still masked with a blush, but it was slowly fading to a pink color. His lips were parted just the slightest bit and he had a concerned look in his eyes. _ Hot damn, he is cute. _

After a few moments, his face flushed all over again. I couldn’t help the faint smile that crossed my lips. “Wh-what are you staring at?”

“You,” I said, crossing my arms and setting my head on them. 

He blushed even more. “Why on Earth would you want to do that?” He kept glancing away as if the whole thing made him uncomfortable, but each time he looked back like he just couldn’t help himself. As for me, I hadn’t looked away once.

“Because you’re adorable.”

He immediately started to deny this statement, and the more he did, the more flustered he became until he was a stuttering mess. My smile only grew wider. Eventually, he gave up and flopped back on the bed. I took the opportunity and crawled up to lay my head on his belly. He didn’t stop me. He just started running his fingers through my hair to the sound of my content hum.

“M’sorry,” I said after a few minutes. My eyes were now closed, and  _ damn _ he was good at this whole affection thing. It was all I could do to keep from bumping my head up to his palm like a needy cat.

“For what?”

“For Eren. He can be such an asshole.”

Marco half hummed, half laughed and tugged on my hair. My head moved up towards his head on its own accord until it hit his hand, and I couldn’t work up enough fucks to be embarrassed about it. “It’s alright. Besides, you saved me.”

I snorted. “Saved. You say that like I’m a good person.” I didn’t mean for it to come out as bitter as it did.

His fingers twined through my hair some more. “You aren’t a bad person. What makes you think that?”

“Well let’s see.” I lifted my hands in the air and started to tick the off as I went. “I’m an asshole. I’m sarcastic. I’m a sarcastic asshole. I can’t even handle my own problems without running to somebody for help or just running away from them completely. I--”

I was cut off very suddenly by the feel of Marco’s lips against mine. My eyes fluttered shut. Fuck, his lips were  _ so soft _ and so was his hair and his skin, and fuck, what was happening to me? My head wasn’t on him anymore. It was on the mattress. Marco had one arm on the other side of me, and his legs were by my head, and I was surprised that I could even realize this with how fuzzy he was making my head. 

“You aren’t a bad person,” he said again when he pulled back. My brain was so clouded that I could only nod in agreement with him. When I reached up to pull him back to me, he didn’t stop me. And just like that, I didn’t feel as shitty about myself.


	27. Chapter 25

I didn’t know how much time had passed when I was called downstairs by my mother. Marco and I didn’t stay lip-locked for long--much to my disappointment--but we talked and just enjoyed each other’s company. It was actually pretty nice. He did most of the talking at first since I was still new to this whole letting-people-know-my-thoughts thing, but once I was comfortable enough to really start talking, I found that I actually liked being able to tell somebody what I was thinking. It was like my thoughts had been sitting just below the surface, waiting for an opportunity to come out. And Marco was a terrific listener. He didn’t laugh at me when I told him some personal things, but he did laugh when I was being a smartass.

I may or may not have gotten butterflies swarming in my belly when I heard it. 

I still had my head cushioned on his stomach--though there really wasn’t much cushion if you know what I mean--when Mom yelled for us. I didn’t want to get up. It seemed Marco didn’t either since he just stayed where he was and ran a hand through my hair absentmindedly. We stayed like that for a while. It was so nice, just sitting in silence with him. It was so easy and not at all awkward.

A few moments later he laughed a little. I turned my head to look at him, a question in my eyes.

“You’re singing that song,” he said.

“What song? I’m not singing.”

“Well, you’re humming that one song from the lodge. The one about clothes?”

I blinked at him. I guess I  _ was _ humming. And that song of all the ones I knew? Though, knowing me, it wasn’t much of a stretch. I smiled at him and started to sing it to him quietly. I’m not much of a singer, but he was smiling and laughing and blushing, and it was the cutest thing ever.

“Jean? Marco?” I heard Mom say just as she reached the top of the stairs. I rolled over a little to see her. “What are you two doing?”

I shrugged. Marco was still blushing. She raised an eyebrow at us, and Marco’s blush darkened, and he tried to stutter something out. I couldn’t help but smile. “What are you saying?”

“I-I’m saying th-that we weren’t d-d-doing a-anything bad.”

“Okay,” Mom replied. “I... wasn’t implying that, but okay.” Now she looked a little suspicious. Marco flushed more.

I looked at Mom. “We really weren’t doing anything except talking. You could hear us, right?”

“Well, yeah, but I was trying not to eavesdrop.” Trying. Meaning she still heard some of what I said. I shook my head a little to clear that thought out. 

“You would’ve heard if we were doing anything sexual.”

Marco looked like a spotted tomato. I almost laughed at him. “Alright,” she said finally. “Dinner’s done.” 

I nodded. “We’ll be down in a minute. She went back downstairs with a pointed look. 

I turned back to Marco. He was blinking a lot and his mouth was opening and closing like that of a fish. I smiled and laughed a little. I couldn’t help but reach up and lightly pinch his hot cheeks. That only served to make him gape even more. I laughed again and leaned forward. I guess it’s kinda hard to keep your mouth open when you’re kissing somebody. Wait, scratch that. It’s really easy to keep your mouth open. 

Marco pulled away very suddenly when it was becoming more than just an innocent, gentle kiss. Our mouths made a  _ pop _ when he did. He let his forehead fall against mine. “W-we should g-g-get downst-stairs,” he said, pulling away when I would try to move forward and capture his lip again.

“Yeah, we should,” I said finally. 

It was all easier said than done. I really didn’t want to let him go. He was really warm and smelled like cinnamon and he was really soft--how did one simply get skin like that? Oh, God. He was a cinnamon roll. A cinnamon roll too pure for this world.

Marco had to actually push me off of him with a playful laugh because I wouldn’t get up. I looked at him with a mock upset face. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me from behind, leaving a small kiss on my shoulder. I couldn’t help but relax back against him.

“Hurry up.”

We both jumped and turned to see Mikasa at the top of the stairs. “Jesus, Kasa.”

She put her hands on her hips. “If you woulda just come downstairs this wouldn’t have happened.” And with that, she turned around and went back downstairs. 

Grumbling, I got up and nudged Marco towards the stairs. Together, we went down. Connie was already sitting at the table, loudly complaining about how long it was taking for dinner to get done. Eren was sitting on the couch with a manga, and Mikasa was helping Mom and Dad take the plates to the table. I started helping too and shooed Marco away when he tried to help.

“You’re the guest,” Mom told him.

He smiled a lot and stuttered a thank you before sitting down next to Connie. The two looked at each other for a moment. Connie was the first to break the awkwardly intense eye contact by starting to complain again. Mom was quick to start comforting him again. 

“Come eat,” I said to Eren. He glanced up and put his book down. 

“Yay!” Connie yelled. 

Mikasa sat down across the table from Connie, and Eren sat next to her across from Marco. Dad sat at one head of the table by Connie and Mikasa while Mom sat on the other end by Marco and Eren. I wedged myself in a chair between Mom and Marco. I wasn’t sure how Mom would act during dinner, especially since she got excited easily, and I didn’t want Marco to somehow feel uncomfortable. 

“So, Marco.” Everybody turned to look at Dad. He had his fingers laced and was leaning forward on the table, staring intently at him. Marco seemed to cower under his stare. I reached for his hand under the table, and he took it, squeezing it hard enough for me to feel the blood moving around in my fingers. “What have you been doing with my son?”

“Wh-wh-what?” 

The interrogation had begun.


	28. Chapter 26

Dinner sucked. Well, the food didn’t--how could food suck? It’s food, man. All the questions did, though. It was like, damn, give us a break! We just started dating. It wasn’t like I had taken him on the dock. I mean, I have taken him on the dock, but I haven’t  _ taken _ him on the dock. Oh my God, just nevermind.

They didn’t stop talking to him until his eye gave out. Being the nice person he is, he didn’t mention it, but I noticed and told them to knock it off. They did, thank God. That didn’t stop Dad from shooting me weird glances all through the meal. I ignored them and ate. My ankle somehow ended up around Marco’s. Neither of us bothered to move them.

“That was really good. Thank you,” he said. Eren and Mikasa had taken Connie outside. Mom, Dad, and I were clearing off the table while Marco was sitting rigidly on the couch.

Mom laughed. “No, thank  _ you _ for agreeing. I wasn’t sure if you would. It really was an excuse to ask you a bunch of things about your relationship since Jean isn’t much of a talker.”

Marco glanced at me, and I blushed. 

“He told me that you had a really hard time saying no.”

“Mom.”

“So that’s why we had to ask  _ you _ all the hard questions.”

“ _ Mom. _ ”

Marco looked at me again, and I flushed even more.  _ Sorry, _ I mouthed. He just gave me a weary smile that showed he wasn’t mad at me. I don’t know why I was so relieved.

Mom laughed. “Sorry!”

“No, you aren’t,” I mumbled under my breath, earning me a raised eyebrow from Dad. 

She laughed again. “You’re right--I’m not!”

I grumbled some more. She kept laughing at me. Dad ignored us and washed dishes while Mom dried. I could feel Marco watching us from the couch curiously. 

“Moooommmm,” Connie whined as he ran in the door. “I wanna swiiimmmmm...”

“Okay, okay. Come on.” He rushed back out the door. “I’ll be back soon,” she then said to Dad. He nodded. They stepped towards each other and pecked their lips together. I wondered if Marco and I could ever do that. So casually show affection in front of others without worrying what they thought. 

I sighed wistfully. Maybe someday.

“Jean? What’s wrong?” I turned around to look at Marco. It seemed like he was always adorable no matter what face he was making. 

I shook myself a little. “Nothing.” I smiled. “I’m fine. You wanna go swim too?”

He smiled back. “Yeah, but I don’t have my trunks. I’ll go get them.”

I shrugged. “Unless you wanna borrow my spare? They’re a bit too big for me.” I could feel Mom and Dad watching us, her from the doorway and him from the sink. 

Marco seemed not to notice tension. “That’d be great. Thank you.”

“Come on.” We both went up the stairs. I could hear Mom and Dad talking in hushed tones as we ascended. I pulled the trunks out when we got upstairs. I laid them on the bed. “I’ll let you change. I’ll be downstairs. Come down when you’re done.” I was about to do just that but then hesitated. 

He tilted his head, ever so perceptive. “What’s wrong? Really?”

I sighed. “Nothing. I just... Nevermind.” I shook my head. 

He stepped closer to me and took my hand. I looked into his pleading eyes. “Tell me, please?”

I sighed and slumped. “Just wish I could show my affection for you to everybody without them being... grossed out.”

“Grossed out?”

“Yeah. Homophobes.”

He swallowed and nodded. “I know. It can be hard. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve...” He shook his head and squeezed my hand. “I understand.”

I nodded and leaned towards him. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

I nodded again and buried my face in his neck. It was nice to just stand there and let him rub my back. He still smelled like a God damned cinnamon roll, and he was super warm and just... yeah.

A few moments later, he started to pull back. I let him even though I just wanted to reach out and hold him again. He smiled encouragingly. “Let me get changed, and we can go swim, okay?”

“Okay,” I said.

“Hey, look at me.”

I did.

“Maybe you could, um...” He blushed. “Maybe I could stay here? O-or you could stay with me? I-I-I mean i-if you’d like that. You don’t h-have to--”

I cut him off with a peck on the lips. “I’d love it. I’ll ask if you can stay.”

He blushed more. “O-okay.”

I kissed his forehead and grabbed my other pair of trunks. “Just meet me downstairs. Take your time.”

He smiled a little. “Okay. Th-thanks again.”

I smiled back and went downstairs. Mom was still in the doorway speaking with Dad. They both stopped talking when they saw me. Mom smiled a bit too much at me. I was immediately suspicious. “What?” I said warily.

“Nothing, nothing,” she said immediately. She waved her hand in front of her like it wasn’t a big deal.  Her smile now seemed more stressed.

I narrowed my eyes and looked at Dad. He was putting dishes away and wouldn’t look at me despite the obvious looks I was shooting him. Were they fighting? Did I do something wrong? I felt strangely hurt at that thought. I thought we’d had some meaningful heart-to-heart this morning. How could I fuck it up between then and now? 

I shook my head mentally. I was probably just overthinking things. 

I looked back to Mom. She let out a strained laugh. “Are you boys coming?” Her eyes darted outside for a moment to where Eren and Mikasa were keeping Connie busy. “I think Connie might run away if we make him wait too much longer.”

“Mm hm,” Marco said from behind me. The trunks, though too big on me, fit perfectly on him. He was smiling, per usual. It was a damn good thing he still had his tee shirt on. I might’ve jumped him right then and there if he hadn’t, and if he noticed the awkward tension in the room, he didn’t show it. 

I jumped ten feet in the air. “Jesus! Give me a warning next time, would you?”

“I-I’m not Jesus, but thank you. I’m flattered.” He smiled shyly and blushed a little as if he thought I was gonna call him stupid for making such a corny joke.

I rolled my eyes with what I hoped was affection. “Wow,” I chuckled. His ears turned red. I smacked his shoulder playfully. “Go on. Outside.”

He followed Mom out the door, and I followed after them. I could feel Dad giving me another one of those looks as I went out the door, but when I turned my head to look at him, he was pointedly ignoring me. I sighed and rolled my eyes, shaking my head. Whatever. I wasn’t sure what I did, but I wasn’t going to worry about it right now. 

“God, fricking finally,” Eren grumbled when he saw us. Mikasa shot him a look, and he crossed his arms, grumbling some more.

“Yay! We can go swim!”

Mom nodded at Connie. “Yes. Now get going.”

He grabbed Marco’s hand and pulled him. Marco looked back at me with a look that obviously said,  _ Oh my God. What do I do? _ I smiled encouragingly and nodded. He gulped and let Connie drag him.  Eren and Mikasa started racing.

“Don’t get in the lake until I get there!” Mom yelled after them. They waved over their shoulders. Mom sighed and shook her head, following after the four of them.

I sidled up next to Mom. “So, excuse my prying, but what was up between you and Dad just now?”

She shook her head again and smiled a little bit at me, though it was weary. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, and we walked in silence for another couple of moments. “C-cause I mean if it was something I did, I’m sorry.”

She let her smile falter for a moment. “I know. It’s okay.”

Her comment made an uneasy feeling settle in the pit of my stomach. “So it  _ was _ something I did.” I may not have had the best relationship with my family, but I was kind of a mama’s boy, and I didn’t like the thought of upsetting her. I know I’d done it a ton of times, but I was trying to start over and be... better. Emphasis on  _ trying.  _

“Oh, no no no, honey. You didn’t mean to.” Another sigh. “Your father just...”

I looked at her. “Just... what?”

She shook her head for a third time. “He just reads too much into things sometimes is all.”

“Oh.” More silence. “Well, um... I’m sorry. For whatever I said to upset you.” I looked down. For some reason, a small bubble of guilt and hurt was floating around in my belly.  _ What did I say? _

She stopped for a moment and spun me to face her, pulling me into a hug. “I know you are.” She started patting and rubbing my back as I reached around and hugged her back tight. “I know you are. It’s okay, honey.”

I nodded, feeling tears prick again. What the fuck was with all the crying today? Honestly.

She pulled back and smiled at me again. This time, it was more natural and genuine. We started walking, and I swear I saw Marco quickly turn back around, a big grin on his face. 

* * *

“I’m pegging you as a chick flick kinda guy,” I said once we were out past the dock, alone. 

“What? Why?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Mostly because I noticed you eavesdropping on my conversation with my mom.”

He blushed. “I-I wasn’t--”

“Uh huh. Sure.” I splashed him with water, and he giggled. He splashed back, and soon we were both going at it, trying to dunk each other and just having a good time. 

It was perfect.


	29. Chapter 27

The man watched the people in the resort from across the lake through a pair of binoculars. They were all laughing and having fun, kayaking, fishing, things like that. But none of them interested him very much. Only one group of people did. The one with the teenage blond, the freckled one, the young boy with the green eyes, the young girl with the black hair, the small child that looked like a tiny monk, and the lady. They all looked familiar. So familiar. Well, most of them did. He’d never seen the three youngest before. 

But the others… They looked familiar. Especially the one covered in all those freckles. But he couldn’t remember where he’d seen these people. He couldn’t really remember anything from before…

_ I have to have him, _ he decided. And he started formulating a plan to do just that.

* * *

We stayed in the water for a long time. Eren had taken Mikasa back, and Mom took Connie back shortly after. Before she left, I asked her if Marco could stay in our cabin for the night. She’d winked and said yes as long as we “didn’t engage in anything remotely sexual.” I’d blushed and ducked under the water as she laughed.

Now it was the end of the sunset, and we were sitting on the dock, watching it. I had my head on his shoulder, and his head was resting on mine. We were both individually wrapped in our respective towels that Mom had left for us. Thank God she’d thought ahead. 

Marco’s hand was laced with mine. It was really warm and soft. I scooted closer to feel the warmth he provided. He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I used the opportunity to scoot even closer. I sighed. “So warm,” I murmured.

“What was that?”

“N-nothing,” I replied, blushing like crazy.

He laughed and smiled, his freckles seeming to dance on his cheeks. “Okay. Sure.”

I smacked his chest playfully. “Hush it, Mister.”

He laughed again and kissed my head. We settled into another comfortable silence, the both of us watching the sun sink below the horizon. “This is probably the most romantic thing I’ve ever done,” I admitted. I wanted to take it back once I’d said it, feeling a bit embarrassed, but it was a bit late for that. 

“Then I’m going to have to change that.”

I pulled away some and looked at him to find him already looking right back at me. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes, loving the feeling of contentment that was washing over me. It wasn’t really new, but I hadn’t felt it in such a long time…

I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. His hand moved up and brushed lightly through my hair. I closed my eyes again and relaxed against him totally. I guess playing with my hair was my weakness because it was all I could do to keep from humming with content.

He tugged my hair in a way that made my head tilt back until we were face to face. Our lips met somewhere in the middle in a soft, gentle kiss. It didn’t last very long, and it wasn’t rushed, but I was just as breathless as if we’d been kissing passionately for a long time without a pause for air. 

“Come on,” I said as we pulled back. “It’s getting dark and cold.”

He nodded and stood, offering his hand out to me. I took it and let him pull me up. He kept his hold on my hand as we walked to his cabin for him to ask if he could stay, and I was glad it was dark enough that he couldn’t see me blush every time I realized that he was  _ still _ holding my hand. 

I heard a branch snap behind me. It made me jump.

“Are you okay, Jean?” Marco asked with amusement. The little shit was fucking grinning!

“I'm fine,” I replied haughtily. I didn't know why I got scared. There were squirrels and birds running and flying around everywhere all day every day.

He laughed,  and we started moving again. Every once in awhile, I would hear more branches cracking behind me. The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I felt like somebody was watching us. I moved closer to Marco. If he noticed the weird feeling too, he didn't give any outward signs. 

It normally would've taken five minutes to get to his cabin, but it took longer since we couldn't see very well.

“Do you um… want me to wait out here?” Truthfully, I wanted to go inside. I wasn't afraid of the dark or some shit like that, but I was freaked out. I knew I was being paranoid, but I still had a really bad feeling.

He just smiled and pulled me inside by my wrist.

Bertholdt smiled at me when we walked in. “Hi, Marco. Jean.”

I waved awkwardly. “Hey.”

“Hey, Bertot. Can I stay with Jean tonight?”

“Hm… yeah,” he said after a moment of debating. “I'm sure your mom won't mind.”

“Where'd she go?”

“She took Armin to get some stuff to eat for the last few days.”

“Oh okay.” Marco nudged my side. “Sit if you want to while I get some stuff. Bertot won't bite.”

Bertholdt raised an eyebrow. “I might…”

Marco shook his head with amusement. “He'll be nice.”

“Um okay…” I perched on the edge of the couch while he went to his bedroom. “It's a nice place you guys have here.”

Bertholdt--or Bertot, as Marco called him--laughed. “It's not ours.”

“Oh. Right.” Oh my fuck, Jean. Way to go. You just had to screw it up already. We're at a resort. Of _course_ it isn't their place. Oh my God.

“How was dinner?”

I looked back up at him a little too eagerly. “Awkward. So many questions…”

He laughed. “Yeah. That sounds like your parents. Always snooping”

I nodded.

We chatted somewhat awkwardly for another few moments when Marco came out. “Ready?” he asked.

I jumped up and nodded. 

He looked amused. “Okay. Let's go. Bye, Bertot.”

“Bye, Mutig. Have a good night.”

He smiled and we went outside.

“Mutig?” I asked.

“Uh yeah. He's fluent in German. I am too--took some classes in school. He helped me a lot. It was a pretty fun class. The teacher--” He stopped suddenly and looked at me. “I'm rambling, aren't I?” I just raised my eyebrows with amusement.  “I-it means brave.” He flushed a little.

“Hm. Fitting.”

“It is?” He looked at me with innocent, wide eyes. “Really?”

I nodded. “Really.”

His smile turned shy. “Thanks.”

Somehow my arm found its way to his waist. I kissed his cheek. “Just a fact.”

Just then I heard something crack behind me. Except it was different from the earlier. This one sounded… heavier. I turned around, and I could've sworn I saw something disappear behind one of the trees. I stopped walking. “Hello?”

“Jean, what's wrong?”

I kept squinting. “I saw you. Why are you following us?”

Marco touched my shoulder. “You're freaking me out,” he said quietly.

Frankly, I was getting freaked out too. Part of me wanted to check behind the tree just to see what was there, to prove that I wasn't crazy. But a bigger part of me was scared. What would I find? If somebody was following us, there had to be a reason. Could this person be violent?

I shook my head and turned back around. I smiled as convincingly as I could at him. “I thought I saw something. It was nothing. Let's go. My parents will want us home.”

He nodded and took my hand. “Okay.”

We kept walking until we got to the cabin, but I couldn't help throwing glances over my shoulder every once in awhile. I saw nothing each time, yet the uneasy feeling stayed with me.


	30. Chapter 28

Mom was sitting at the table reading a book and sipping a coffee when we walked in. “You two were out for a long time.” She looked over at us above the rims of her glasses. “You didn’t get into any trouble, did you?”

Marco looked at her seriously. “No, ma’am.”

I just shook my head. “No, Mom. We didn’t do anything.” She opened her mouth to say something else, but I cut her off. “And before you ask, no, we didn’t have sex.” She closed her mouth and grinned.  _ Uh huh. That’s what I thought. _

Next to me, Marco started blushing. “N-no! We wouldn’t. People could see us outside!” Mom and I looked at each other before we both busted out laughing. “Hey! I’m serious--that’d be weird.”

I nudged him with the back of my hand. “Go upstairs,” I laughed. He seemed to pout but headed towards the stairs anyway. Upstairs, Eren and Mikasa were fast asleep. It wasn’t until I looked at the alarm clock that I realized that it was almost quarter til eleven. Wow. We really did stay out pretty late. 

Marco stood awkwardly at the foot of my bed. I couldn’t help but smile at how uncomfortable he looked. “Did you bring pajamas?” He nodded. “Do you want to put them on?” He nodded again.

We stood there another couple moments before he finally shook himself. “Oh, right.” He set his bundle on the bed and pulled out a tee shirt and pajama pants. “I’ll be right back.”

I nodded, and he went down the stairs again. While he was down there, I changed into just a pair of shorts--hey, I got hot during the night, and I liked being able to keep the blankets over me. I pulled the blankets back and buried myself beneath them, pulling them up to my chin. 

A few moments later, Marco came up. He dropped his stuff in the corner and crawled across the bed to get up to the top. I pulled the blankets back again and let him in. Once he got settled down, I reached across him and turned the lamp off. 

It wasn’t as awkward getting comfortable as it was the night before, thankfully. We were both on our sides facing each other, limbs a tangled mess and bodies pressed close together. 

We talked in hushed tones about nothing in particular. It was nice. I still couldn’t get over how... relieved I felt to finally talk to somebody. I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner. I honest to God didn’t know that I could talk this much. I’m more surprised that he hadn’t told me to shut up already. 

It must’ve been almost midnight when we started falling asleep. The sound of one of the doors opening and voices kept me awake. They were quiet, but it was dead silent in the cabin except for the sound of breathing, so it was easy to hear them.

It was Mom and Dad. “What was your deal today?” she asked him.

“My deal? What are you talking about?”

I could imagine Mom raising an eyebrow and giving him a stern look. “You were being an ass.”

“Oh.”

I could tell Marco was listening even if he was pretending not to by the way he had turned his head, so his ear was turned towards them.

“ _ Oh _ is right. What was up?” I heard a sound like she was setting her book down.

“Nothing was wrong I--hey, don’t give me that look.” Pause. “Would you quit that, shitty glasses? It’s unnerving.” Another pause. “It isn’t my fault you got hurt! What else did you want me to do?”

_ Hurt? What is he-- _ It dawned on me then. He was talking about mine and Mom’s modified conversation in the kitchen about the birds and the bees. Was she still upset? I apologized, and I meant it. Did she not believe me? She said she believed me--said it was okay. Was... was she lying to me?

I heard the chair get pushed back. Walking or pacing. “I didn’t get hurt. What makes you think that?”

He grumbled for a few moments. “I could see your face from outside. You were obviously upset. And I could hear what you guys were saying, and I just... I got mad.”

“Hm.” I could tell she was nodding. “Maybe I was a bit upset. But it’s okay. He didn’t mean it. It’s his defense mechanism.” Her voice was gentle. “You know this, seeing as how he’s our son, and he has been for almost eighteen years.”

“I know that,” he replied. I could tell he was getting frustrated. “But you think he could be a bit more tactful or, at least, learn how to rein it in every once in awhile.”

I realized Marco was looking at me while he was listening, not even bothering to pretend to be asleep anymore.

“Levi, you know he’s done a really good job of ‘reining it in’, as you say. This is the first real outburst in a long time.” Her voice was still patient.

“Yeah, cause he’s always in his room ignoring us,” he muttered.

She went on as if he hadn’t even spoken. “And it was only because I freaked him out. It’s not a big deal.”

“Freaked him out?” He was getting upset again but still managed to keep his voice low. “I don’t care if he got freaked out--he hurt your feelings! You coddle him too much.”

“I don’t ‘coddle’ him at all. He has... a long history of bad emotions. You know that too. I don’t like stressing him out.”

I could see the wheels turning in Marco’s head, trying to figure out what Mom meant. Dread filled my abdomen, and I got goosebumps.  _ Don’t figure it out, please. Guys, don’t say it. Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it...  _

“He was depressed, Hanji.” I closed my eyes and felt my stomach drop as I let out a quiet breath.  _ He said it. He fucking said it. _ Yes, I had been depressed when I was younger, and it wasn’t something I liked to think about very much because of how painful it was. 

“He isn’t now,” he continued after a deliberate pause. “You need to quit treating him like a child. You can’t protect him when he goes to college. He needs to grow up and learn to control his emotions  _ and _ his mouth.”

“Oh, Jean...,” Marco breathed. I refused to open my eyes. I didn’t want to see them fill with pity. With sadness. With sympathy. I didn’t want it, and I sure as shit didn’t need it. Not now, not ever.

“Levi, that’s  _ enough _ ,” she said sharply but still quietly. “I don’t know what crawled up your ass and died, but I don’t like it.”

“What the hell? Crawled up  _ my _ \--”

“Yes, what crawled up _ yours _ . You need to knock it off.” She sounded totally pissed now. “Did anything you say this morning mean something to you? Cause I’m starting to think it didn’t. Jean is trying, Levi. He’s  _ trying. _ On the way to the lake tonight he apologized for saying what he did. If you’d been there, you would know that he obviously meant it. He was upset too. Don’t think I didn’t notice those looks you were throwing him all evening. You hurt his feelings too.”

He scoffed. “Feelings.”

“He has emotions too, you know. As you so elegantly put it earlier, he had depression, and getting glares from his own father over something small does  _ not _ help. Despite what you say and what he thinks, he isn’t Superman. He’s still human. He can still get hurt--he’s  _ fragile _ .”

“I’m not fragile,” I whispered, feeling tears prick at my still-closed eyes. “I-I’m over it. I’m not...” I hated the way the words twisted in my gut. I fucking  _ hated _ how each syllable felt like a dagger against my skin, leaving permanent scars all over me.

“Just because you aren’t close to him--”

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked harshly.

“It must have a  _ lot _ to do with everything. You have a great relationship with our other kids, and that’s terrific. I wouldn’t change that. But not so much with our oldest, and it seems like you don’t even want to.”

I felt Marco take my hand in his, but I didn’t respond. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to move again. God knows I didn’t want to. 

“I do. He doesn’t seem to want one back.”

There was a frosty pause. “Have you been paying attention at all?” she asked, deadly quiet. “He has been reaching out to you for  _ years _ , Levi! More so after he got better. It doesn’t seem like it now because he isn’t--he’s stopped trying. He gave up on you.

“This trip... he’s trying again, and you are failing.  _ Again _ . Don’t fail him again. If you do, there will be no third time’s a charm. He’ll be done. For good. And so will I. So I suggest that you get your  _ shit _ together and be the father he deserves.”

There was a long pause and a click, and I realized she must’ve gone into the bedroom. “Oh, God,” he groaned. “I...” He sighed. I heard a  _ poof! _ like he’d flopped onto the couch. “I’m sorry, Hanji,” he said quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

And I think that was what threw me over the edge. He might’ve been sorry, but he wasn’t sorry that he’d hurt me. That he said so many things behind my back. He was sorry that he might lose Mom, and that hurt even more. I knew I sounded selfish, but this wasn’t about him losing her. This was about him losing me, and I guess I never really thought about it, but all Mom said was true. I wouldn’t keep doing this. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. It would rip me to shreds mentally and emotionally.

I’d never been one to cry loudly, and that held true even now. Tears spilled down my cheeks, and I started shaking. I curled up into a ball, numb yet in pain at the same time. I couldn’t feel Marco trying to comfort me and hold me. Yet I still didn’t make a sound.

Until I did.

It was a small sound. A pain-filled, heart-shattering cry. But it was enough.

“Kids?”

I bit my lip to keep from making any more noise. He didn’t need to hear it. He didn’t get to know that I was in pain. He probably didn’t even fucking care. All he cared about was my siblings and my mom. He didn’t love me. He didn’t even like me. This morning was a big load of bullshit. I was so God damned stupid for thinking that he loved me. He lived with me, for God’s sake. Of course he would know that I got good grades and wanted a motorcycle.

I heard the stairs creak some. I realized Marco was rubbing my back, trying in vain to get me to calm down. “Shh shh shh...,” he was saying. “Calm down. It probably isn’t as bad as you think it is.”

I saw Dad’s head show up at the top, and I almost screamed at him to get the fuck out of my life--yes, I knew that was impossible, but I still wanted to say it--but I managed to “rein it in”.

He looked at Eren and Mikasa first--of course. Once he saw that they were sleeping peacefully, he looked over to my bed. He seemed confused for a split second before remembering that there was an extra person in the cabin with us. 

Marco looked like he was caught between a rock and a hard place, and I didn’t blame him. 

It was dark enough up here that you couldn’t see things in detail, but I guess I looked terrible because he said, “Jean, are you alright?”

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” I replied hoarsely. 

He stepped a little closer and furrowed his eyebrows. “You don’t look fine. Did you have a bad dream or something?”

I clenched my jaw. “No.”

“Then what’s--”

“Go away.”

“What? Why?” He managed to sound confused, but his eyes couldn’t hide the worry. He wasn’t stupid.

“You don’t care. Go away.”

Pause. “Did...? Were you...?”

“Yes,” I said, my voice devoid of emotion. “I heard every fucking word. I’m glad I mean so much to you. I’m  _ thrilled _ that you think so highly of me. Sorry for screwing your life up.”

“Jean, I--”

“Get out of here!” My voice was getting louder--loud enough to possibly wake Mikasa and Eren up--but I didn’t care. “Just get the hell away from me. I don’t wanna see you right now. I  _ knew _ I should’ve pretended to be sick and stayed home.”

“Don’t say that.”

“ _ Go _ !” I waved my hands about. “Get the fuck away from me!”

“Quit dropping the f-bomb.”

In the bed next to us, Eren started to move around. He rubbed his eyes. “What’s goin’ on?” he asked drowsily.

“Nothing,” Dad said. “Go back to sleep.”

“I don’t think you can tell me what I can and can’t do. It’s not like you  _ care _ ,” I told him bitterly. 

“Of course I care.”

“Go away!” I all but yelled.

We looked at each other for another couple moments before he nodded and went back downstairs. Before he left, he said, “Night. I love you, Jean.”

I couldn’t bring myself to even answer. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved that he left me alone or sad that he left me again.


	31. Chapter 29

I didn’t get calmed down. I fell asleep bawling my eyes out. Marco kept comforting me, and that helped. I leaned against him, let him be my steady sky while the ground beneath me seemed like it was crumbling. To my surprise, the twins crawled into bed with us. Eren saw me crying like a little bitch and started comforting me too. Mikasa came over also. She was awkward, but she rubbed my back and tried to help. They kept asking questions, and Marco answered them the best he could.

I couldn’t help but repeat everything that was said over and over in my head and condensed until it was like a broken record. 

_ Rein it in. _

_ Coddled. _

_ Depressed. _

_ Control emotions and mouth. _

_ Feelings. _

_ Fragile.  _

_ Trying.  _

_ Rein it in. _

_ Coddled. _

_ Depressed... _

I don’t know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, light was streaming in through the windows brightly, so I knew it was later in the morning. The twins were curled up by mine and Marco’s feet with their own pillows, talking amongst themselves quietly. My head ached, and my eyes were really dry. I rubbed my eyes and got all the dry, crusty stuff out of them and off my cheeks.

I looked up to find Marco still asleep. His arms were wrapped around me protectively, and I was tucked to his chest. He mumbled in his sleep and shifted his head around. 

I let my head drop to his chest.  _ Why _ did he have to be here when this happened? Why couldn’t my parents have waited until we got home to say all that shit? I mean seriously. Is it so much to ask to wait until I’m in my room and out of earshot to say all that?

“Are you okay?” I lifted my head and looked down towards my feet. Eren and Mikasa were looking back at me. It was Eren that spoke. He looked serious for once. 

I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”  _ No, _ I wanted to blurt out.  _ I’m not. Does it look like I’m okay? Cause I’m not. How does somebody recover from something like this? _

Mikasa pursed her lips a little like she wasn’t buying my act.

I felt movement around me, and Marco’s eyes started opening. If I was in a better mood, I would’ve admired how his eyes looked bigger, and he just looked cuter in general. He saw that I was awake, and his hold on me tightened, forcing my head back to his chest, not that I was complaining. “Jean. I am so s--”

“Don’t,” I said in a flat voice. “Just... don’t.”

There was a pause, and I could tell he was torn between wanting to do what I said and wanting to do what he’s been taught to do. In the end, I won out. He sighed. “Okay.” 

I felt some of the tension leave, and I pressed my forehead to his shoulder. Almost automatically he started rubbing my back in a comforting way. I wanted to tell him that I appreciated it, but I just couldn’t find the energy to make the words come out.

“Is anybody else here?” Eren asked nobody in particular.

I felt movement and looked up as Mikasa stood up and tugged on his wrist. “Come on. We’ll go check.”

“But why do I have to go too?” There was a pause as she raised her eyebrows at him. He finally took the hint and went downstairs with her. 

As soon as they left, Marco pulled me closer and started to rock me like a baby. I was suddenly even more appreciative that he knew to wait until we were alone. I held the front of his shirt in my hands and let him help me. He rested his chin on my head.

“I’m sorry,” I said after a while. 

“For what?” He was smoothing his palm over my hair like a mother would to her child. 

“You shouldn’t have had to hear that.”  _ I didn’t want you to hear that. _

“It’s fine.” He started patting my back too. 

I felt like a little child, and not in a bad way. I felt… safe. Warm. I still didn’t feel good--not by any means--but I felt better. A little bit. I scooted closer to him. He let me, and I could feel myself falling asleep. I was still drained from being so upset the night before. 

As if knowing what I was thinking, he said, “Sleep. I’ll wake you up if anybody comes up.”

I sniffed and nodded. Closing my eyes, I let myself drift off, though I didn’t even get to sleep when I heard the stairs groan. I stiffened in his arms, and he rubbed my back to try and get me to relax.

“Is everything okay?” Mom asked when she got to the top. She saw me curled up against Marco’s chest, and she rushed forward, pressing her hand to my forehead. It was cool and comforting. “What’s wrong? Do you feel okay? Are you feeling sick?” She smoothed my hair back off of my face and looked concerned

I shook my head. “I’m fine.”

Marco squeezed my hand as if to tell me that I should tell her what was bothering me instead of keeping it in. And I wanted to. I just… didn’t really know how to.  _ Hey, Mom, I heard how Dad was talking shit about me last night and now I can’t stand to look at him. How has your day been? _

“Something is bothering you,” she said. It wasn’t a question.

She always knew. Always knew what was going through your mind when she looked at you. It was like she could tell what you were thinking. It got on my nerves most of the time--no, it was just  _ unnerving _ . I swear to God, you couldn’t lie to that woman.

Normally I would’ve just waved it off, laughed about it. Normally I would’ve told her not to worry about me. I would’ve gone to my room and stewed about it until I fell asleep, never accepting the help she offered.

But this time… this time I was sick of pretending.

I felt tears spring to my eyes, and reached forward and wrapped my arms around her neck. I could tell she was surprised, but she rubbed my back and made soothing noises-- _ Shh, baby. Don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong. _

I didn’t realize I was actually crying--bawling, really--until I tried to talk. “I h-heard you guys. Last night wh-when you were talk-king.”

She was quiet but hugged me tighter. One of her hands moved up to run through my hair. I could tell she didn’t know what to say. 

My hands started shaking. I wasn’t sure if it was with anger, frustration, or sadness. Maybe it was all of them. “Wh-why did he say that?”

There was a pause before she spoke as if she were thinking over what she was saying before she said it. “There’s no excuse for saying what he did, and he knows that. He found me first thing this morning and apologized for everything he said.”

I cried harder. “He knows I heard. H-he heard me l-last night.”  _ Crying, _ I didn’t add. “He didn’t b-bother to do the s-same w-w-with me.” Actually, he might have, but I cut him off a lot last night. For all I know he did try, and I told him to get the fuck away from me. 

She kept patting my back and comforting me. “Honey, you’re gonna make yourself sick if you keep crying like this.” Her voice was gentle, and I realized that she sounded a little worried. I took a deep breath and made a conscious effort to calm down.

“I-I… should I go?” 

I turned around and looked at Marco sadly. He was leaving me too?

“I won’t if you don’t want me to.” He rubbed my side and kissed my head. I was kind of surprised. I didn’t think he would kiss me--even though it wasn’t anywhere near my lips--with anybody around. It made me feel a little less cold, and I calmed down some more. 

My voice was really small, and it was actually pretty pitiful. “Stay?”

He smiled gently and nodded.

I almost missed the thankful look that passed from my mom to him.

Mom pulled back and looked at me. She rubbed my shoulder. “I know it’s hard to believe it sometimes, but your father really does love you and care for you. He doesn’t know how to show it, and that frustrates him.”

I sniffed. “He seems to be able to show Connie, Eren, and Mikasa just fine.”

She sighed. “I know. You’re much different than your siblings, and not in a bad way. You and your father are so different and so similar, and he just doesn’t know how to feel about that.”

“He’s had seventeen years to figure it out…”

“Yes, he has. And there’s no reason why he hasn’t figured it out yet, but just give him some time. He messes up sometimes, and he has issues controlling his anger. You know this just as well as everybody else.” She held the side of my face in her hand. “Give him some more time, okay?”

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to run outside and scream at him for saying all those shitty things. But with my mom kneeling at the edge of the bed, looking at me with those calm, patient eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to do any of those things. I could only nod.

“Thank you,” she said before kissing my forehead. “It will get better. I promise.”

I closed my eyes. She’d never let me down before, and I had a feeling that she wasn’t about to now. She wasn’t a liar. And it did get better. But after we got home, things got a whole lot worse. 


	32. Chapter 30

We stayed in bed for another fifteen or twenty minutes while I gathered strength. Mom went downstairs with the promise of breakfast once she heard my growling stomach. She also told us not to worry because she wasn't using the stove or oven in any way, shape, or form. 

I was only half joking when I sighed with relief.

I sat on the couch next to Marco, Pop Tart in hand while he was grazing on some strawberries and fruit dip. Mom sat at the table with a bowl of cereal. Eren and Mikasa had gone outside to swim I assumed Dad and Connie were on the lake too.

“You wanna go water skiing later on?” Marco asked.

I broke off a piece of Pop Tart and offered it to him. He shook his head. I popped it in my mouth and chewed before swallowing. “Water skiing, huh? Never done it before.”

“You haven't?” He looked at me. “It's pretty fun once you get the hang of it.”

“Actually,” Mom chimed in, “you might not get to this morning. We were going to go to Lake Itasca.”

“Oh.” I looked back at Marco. “I'm sorry.”

He shrugged a little. “They have it tomorrow morning too. Maybe you can come then?”

I looked at Mom hopefully, and she gave us a small smile. “I'm sure it'll be okay if you do.”

I smiled some too. “Thanks.”

Her smiled turned softer, and she nodded.

Marco and I finished our breakfasts before heading outside to swim for a little bit before I had to go. He was in my other swim trunks again, and I had to say, he definitely put the original swimsuit model to shame. I could imagine Marco as a pool boy, to be honest. Skin a glorious dark shade, freckles dotting his skin, muscles highlighted by the sun…

“Jean, are you okay?”

I blinked several times and really looked at him again. “What? Yeah. I'm fine.”

Marco looked like he was hiding a grin. “Really? Cause you're drooling.”

“I fucking am not,” I protested but reached up and surreptitiously wiped at my mouth. Shit, he wasn't kidding.

He was grinning when I looked at him.

“Oh, shut up,” I told him, not without affection.

He laughed, and the sound brought a small smile to my face. He really was gorgeous. Especially when he smiled; when he laughed. He was his own little sun, and I was a planet being sucked into his orbit.

I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that yet.

“Hurry up, slowpoke,” he said as he pulled a kayak into the water. 

“Calm your tits. I'm coming.” I pulled my kayak into the water and discarded my life jacket onto the sand. I knew I should've been wearing it, but I knew how to swim. I was a big boy now. 

He looked up at me. “Come faster.”

I bit my lip to prevent a grin from engulfing my face. “That's what she said.”

He pointedly ignored me.

As I was pulling my kayak into the water I realized for the upteenth time how many rocks there were and gritted my teeth to keep from groaning. I could suck it up. Besides, the rocks were already thinning out from how far out we were, though that almost made it worse.

The two of us got on our respective kayaks and started paddling out to the middle of the lake. I let my head fall back and closed my eyes when we were taking a small break. Today really was a beautiful day. There were a shit ton of puffy clouds in the air, and birds sang and chirped. The water wasn’t choppy, but it had some movement to it. There was a light breeze that made the longer parts of my hair fly around.

My eyes opened when our kayaks bumped into each other. When I looked at Marco he smiled and gestured as if asking if I wanted to keep going, but he seemed a bit flustered: a slight blush dusting his freckled cheeks and avoiding eye contact. I looked at him curiously, and he blushed a little bit more before starting to paddle again.

I followed, and we went out a little further before stopping again. He rested his paddle across the front of his kayak, and I followed suit. I shifted around to try and get some blood to my butt and sat up straighter to fix a twinge in my back. The two of us let our legs dangle off the sides into the water.

A small part of me wanted to pull back. Who knew what was in that water? I remembered a few pictures I’d seen on the walls in the lobby. One picture had the lake drawn out with the depth charted out. Another one had all the types of fish in the water carefully drawn out, and let me tell you, some of those sons a bitches had teeth like you wouldn’t believe. I figured the big fish with teeth lived out closer to the middle of the lake, and we were pretty far out. Just imagining those jaws grabbing onto my ankle...

I shook my head. I was being dumb. It wasn’t like they were going to come up from all the way down there. And out of all the things, I highly doubted that it would want to eat  _ me _ . But I guess it still scared me a little, and that was okay. It wasn’t like I would die from it if I actually did get hurt. It would certainly be a pain in the ass, but I would get through it. It might take me a while to actually put my feet back in the water, but I was sure I would be able to do it. 

And maybe I wasn’t really thinking about the fish anymore. Maybe I was thinking about my relationship with Dad. It hurt, but it wasn’t the end of me. Someday I might be able to put my feet back in the water, so to speak. That day certainly wasn’t going to be today. But for all I knew, it could be tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month. 

Maybe I wasn’t even thinking about Dad. Maybe I was thinking about life itself. Life hurts, but every single day I end up jumping right back in. 

I wasn’t sure exactly what I was thinking, but one thing was for sure. The fish weren’t the most dangerous thing in the waters. The most dangerous thing was looking at me with a bright smile and a spray of freckles covering him all over because I knew that out of the all the things that could possibly chew me up and spit me out, he would be the one I’d want to do it, and I’d happily let him do it over again and again.


	33. Chapter 31

We couldn’t stay out for too much longer, but it was nice while we did. We chatted and pointedly ignored all that was said last night. I may or may not have splashed water on his face, and he may or may not have been so surprised that he fell off his kayak. I may or may not have snorted and fallen off too from laughing so hard. I  _ can _ tell you for sure that after I reined in my maybe-laughter we met somewhere in the middle for a kiss. 

It took a little for me to get up onto the kayak again because of balance issues, but I finally got it done. I felt clumsy next to Marco who swung right up on with ease. It was childish, but I stuck my tongue out at him when he started chuckling at me again. He didn’t seem to mind--the little shit just laughed more. 

We finally got back to the shore and pulled our kayaks out of the water, and I leaned towards him. “Can we... I want to...” My voice was low, and I stuttered, I’m sure. 

“Yes,” was all he said, and the look on his face let me know that he knew what I was asking. He looked around nonchalantly, and I swallowed thickly. “Outside my cabin? On the side?”

I nodded, and we started walking there. A small swarm of butterflies flew around in my belly. I didn’t know that I really wanted to kiss him again until now. I remembered the feeling of his hands in my hair, the firmness of his back beneath my fingertips. 

But other feelings swarmed me too. What if somebody saw us? Could we get kicked out of the resort? I didn’t think the owners were homophobic, but one couldn’t be too sure. But even worse, what if one of our parents caught us? Was Marco out with his family? He didn’t actually say he was, and I didn’t want to be that one mistake that outed him. 

I didn’t have much more time to think before I felt a wall against my back and a body pressed against me. Lips searched mine out and pressed. I didn’t realize my eyes were closed until I opened them after the second or third kiss. I blinked at Marco in surprise when he’d pulled back a little. He blushed furiously. Sure he was bigger than me in the muscle, height, and probably brain department, but I hadn’t pegged him for the type to get really eager. I guess hormones knew no boundaries. 

“I.. That was...,” I began. My lips opened and closed a few more times. “R-really nice,” I settled on. 

He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but I pushed my head forward, lips effectively shutting him up. My hand automatically reached up to thread in his hair, and he cupped my jaw. I tilted my head slightly to one side while he did the same to the other side, allowing us to deepen the kiss. He leaned forward some more, pressing me against the cabin, and I think I whimpered from the wonderful feel of it. 

Both of my arms wrapped around his neck, and he reached down to lift my legs up. I pulled back with surprise, and our lips made a popping noise. I was going to ask what he was doing, but I couldn’t even begin to form the words before his lips were on mine again, devouring and greedy. I couldn’t help but make a pathetic little noise when he pressed his hips against mine, effectively trapping me against the house, not that I was complaining.

I pulled his hair, hard, forcing his head back and exposing his neck, and he let out a choked moan. I used the opportunity to leave open-mouthed kisses down his neck to his shoulder. I couldn’t help biting, and I wanted to bite as hard as I could, but the still-sane part of me reminded me that it was still summer, and he was going to be without a shirt most of the time. 

Somehow our lips found each other again, and we were back to kissing like it was our last chance. 

“What are you doing?”

We pulled apart really fast, and Marco almost dropped me from how surprised he was. Simultaneously we turned to see Connie standing  _ right fucking there _ , watching us with the innocence only a six-year-old has. 

“Why are you kissing each other like that? I thought you were friends. Marco, aren’t you Jean’s brother too?”

“Uh...” We looked at each other. “What are you talking about?” I asked. 

“Mommy and Daddy said that you were really good friends, so that means you’re brothers, and I’ve only seen adults doing that.”

“Y-yeah, we are. We are really good friends. Like brothers, but more.”

“So do I have to kiss Eren like that?” He tilted his head.

I held a hand out to him paired with what I was sure was a panicked look. “No, no, no! Don’t ever kiss Eren like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because...” My gaze drifted to Marco’s. He looked about as helpless and freaked out as I felt. I looked back at Connie. “Because some people are close enough to kiss like that. People like me and Marco. Like Mom and Dad. But other people should never do that. Like you and Eren.”

“Why?”

“Because you aren’t close enough.”

“Oh.”

“Right. So go find Mom or Dad, yeah?”

He nodded and left.

I let my head fall back against the house, and Marco slowly let my feet touch the ground again. “Oh God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, and his face was really red. “It’s okay. I know  you didn’t do it.”

I reached out and hugged him, head on his shoulder, arms around his waist. He hugged me back and squeezed. We stayed like that for awhile, just enjoying each other’s company before he pulled back, looking regretful. “Your parents are probably looking for you.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I’ll see you later?”

He smiled. “Of course.”

I couldn’t help but smile back as I made my way back to my cabin, tossing lingering looks over my shoulder. I bit my lip when he waved, and I prepared to face whatever got thrown my way.


	34. Chapter 32

When I got back to the cabin, Dad was sitting outside on the stairs with his forearms on his knees and his head hanging down. I hesitated across the street, debating whether or not I should turn back around and pretend that I lost track of time, but he looked up and saw me before I could actually turn around. 

We just stayed like that, me across the street, him looking at me from where he was perched on the stairs. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Who was he waiting for? The twins? Connie? Mom? Were they inside waiting for me to come home and change or something?

A cool breeze blew by, and I shivered a little bit. I didn’t think ahead enough to bring a towel, and I was being an idiot by standing in the shade. I crossed the road slowly, and Dad never took his eyes off me. I saw when I got closer that he looked worse than normal. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced, and he looked like he hadn’t bothered to shower yet today. Strands of his hair hung in front of his eyes, and he did little to flick it back.

“Uh... Hi?” I said when I got close enough.

He cleared his throat. “Hi.”

After neither of us said anything for a good two minutes, I stepped up onto the porch, not bothering wanting to go around him on the stairs. 

“Jean, wait,” he began. I paused and looked at him, not sure if I was ready to do this. I didn’t know if I wanted to put my feet in the water, so to speak. “I uh... I just wanted to say that I...” He looked like he was obviously struggling.

He failed to say anything else after another couple moments, so I started going into the cabin, shaking my head a little. I could do this later. It didn’t have to be right now. I wasn’t sure I was ready.

I felt a hand on my arm, and I automatically flinched away. When I turned around, Dad was standing there with his arm outstretched, looking like he was a little hurt and a lot struggling. “What?” I asked. “What do you want?”

He pulled his arm back and rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to say sorry. For... saying all that shit. It was uncalled for and most of it was not true or exaggerated.” He looked down. “I was being irrational and stupid.”

“Uh yeah, you were.”

He looked up at me again. 

“You were being a serious dick. And this,” I waved between us, “isn’t gonna fix anything.”

“I know. God, I know, and I’m so sorry. I’ve been a shitty parent, and I don’t know how to make up for years of that, but I want to try. I really do.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I have a feeling you’re still gonna fuck up again.”

“I probably will, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try at all.”

I paused for a moment, looking at him. I could tell he was dead serious. And even though I wasn’t ready, he sure as shit was. “Okay,” I finally said.

“Okay? That’s it?”

“Yeah. Okay. We aren’t good, but if you’re willing to try and not be an asshole about it, who am I to stop you?”

He closed his eyes and seemed to relax. I figured that now was the time when we should start hugging, but I wasn’t much of a hugger--never had been--and neither was he, so we opted for going inside instead. 

Mom was sitting on the couch talking with Connie. They both looked at us when we walked in. Mom raised an eyebrow. “So.”

I leaned against the counter of the tiny kitchen. “So… what?” I asked. 

“So I heard from a little birdie--”

“But I’m not a birdie, Mommy,” Connie said.

“--that you were kissing Marco like Mommy and Daddy.”

“Uh.” I shifted around and cleared my throat. 

Dad sat down next to her on the couch and leaned back. Mom leaned back and tucked herself to his side, though I still didn’t know how they could do that after all these years seeing as how Dad’s head was barely higher than her shoulder when they were standing up. “I’m staying out of this,” he mumbled.

“Yeah… Is there something wrong with that?”

She pushed a few stray hairs from her face and stuck them behind her ear. “Only when one of your siblings catches you.”

I scratched the back of my neck and opened the fridge to pull out a water bottle. I wasn’t really thirsty--okay, maybe I was, just not for water...--but it was better than standing there and fidgeting under her gaze. I screwed the cap off and took a drink. “It’s not like I asked him to find us.” I shrugged. “I was a bit… preoccupied.”

She laughed a little. “Obviously. Just be more careful. That isn’t something this one,” she rested her palm on Connie’s head, “needs to see.”

I nodded. “Alright.” As an afterthought, I mumbled, “Says the person Connie caught first.”

Dad raised an eyebrow, and Mom blushed. “Th-that’s irrelevant,” she grumbled.

“Uh huh. Sure.” I took another drink and headed towards the stairs. 

“We’re leaving in a half an hour if you want to take a shower,” Dad said when I reached the top.

“Okay,” I replied before moving to my bed and grabbing the clothes I had in the suitcase beside it. I was absolutely dying for a shower. I was sure I still had morning breath, and  _ oh God _ I kissed Marco like that!

I went to the bathroom, my face red even though it was a bit late to be embarrassed now. I wondered why he hadn’t said anything, but then I remembered that it was  _ Marco _ \--he wouldn’t have pointed it out unless I asked him, and even then he would’ve tried to sugar-coat it. What a freckled doofus. 

It didn’t take long for me to finish my shower, and the twins were back when I walked into the living room. They were both entertaining themselves with various pieces of technology, and Connie was chilling out on the floor with a coloring book. I stepped over him on my way to the stairs and went upstairs to put my dirty clothes into the bag I brought just for that purpose. 

I stretched and went back downstairs. Fifteen minutes later we were all in the car on the way to Lake Itasca. 

* * *

I held up my hand to shield my eyes from the sun. It was still a really nice day even through the breeze had picked up some. The water to Lake George reflected the sky perfectly. It turned out that Lake Itasca wasn’t the actual head of the Mississippi River--it was really Lake George. I had no idea why they called it Lake Itasca State Park instead of Lake George State Park. That was like having your partner take all the credit for the project you put together--complete bullshit.

“Mommy, I wanna swim,” Connie piped up from somewhere behind me. When I turned around, I saw him taking his shirt off while Mom was desperately trying to get him to keep it on. I chuckled and turned back to the water. 

The place was swarming with people. Jaded parents taking pictures while wearing tired smiles. Screaming kids splashing in the river. The river was so small compared to how it was back home. And so  _ clear _ . At home, there was literal shit floating around in the murky, muddy water. You do  _ not _ wanna swim there--that shit’s  _ nasty. _ The only thing separating Lake George and the not-so-mighty Mississippi was a trail of large rocks that everybody seemed dead-set on walking across. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to either. 

I saw Mikasa toe off her shoes and walk the whole ten or fifteen feet from our side to the other, her glossy black hair swishing around in the air. It wasn’t too long before Eren splashed in after her, but he was less graceful. “Ouch!” he yelled, wincing. “What’s with all these fu--”

“Hey!” Mom scolded. “Not in my house.”

I looked at her. “Mom, we’re in public.”

She waved her hand. “He gets my point.”

Eren grumbled. “Not my fault these hurt.”

I rolled my eyes and kicked my own flip flops off before wading in too. It wasn’t long until I hit the rocks and hissed in pain too. “Holy shit,” I muttered under my breath. the rocks were worse than the ones in the lake at the resort!

I carefully picked my way to the other side (A/N: Oh God. I just thought of Adele...) while muttering curses every time I hit a particularly sharp rock. I had no idea how Mikasa had done it without even making a face. She was hardcore I swear to God. 

Connie had finally won the fight with Mom, running up and sliding into the water on his belly. Mom proceeded to hound him to get out. He ignored her and kept swimming. I chuckled. What a loser. 

Dad was the only one actually behaving. He was looking around, admiring the scenery. I still wasn’t quite ready to talk to him, so I kept to myself. I walked along the edge of the river, staring into the water and watching the minnows dart around people. It was actually quite relaxing, bar the people talking incessantly. 

I felt a bump on the back and turned my head to see who it was. It was a girl. She held a hand to her mouth while the other was stretched out towards me. There was a slight blush on her face. Or sunburn. I wasn’t sure. “I am so sorry,” she said.

I shrugged and smiled a little. “It’s cool. Not like I can’t swim or anything.”

She relaxed some. “Oh. Good.” She blinked a couple times, and actually looked at me. I turned back around, hoping she would leave me alone, but no. “What’s your name?”

“I’m not supposed to talk to strangers,” I replied.

“What are you, like, twelve?”

I turned around to look at her. She had her hands on her hips. “Excuse me?”

She puffed her cheeks out as she blew out a breath. “What is your name? I like knowing the names of attractive strangers.”

Oh.  _ Oh. _

I chuckled a little, and she pursed her lips. “Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not, I’m not. But so what if I’m attractive? This isn’t a romance novel. I’m not gonna dump whoever I’m dating to get with you.”

She blushed furiously.  _ Bingo _ . “I wasn’t thinking that.”

“Oh, yes, you were, sweetheart. I’d advise just turning the hell around and pretending we never met.”

“Oh, yeah? And why’s that?”

I raised an eyebrow and leaned in close. I heard her breath hitch.  _ Oh, for the love of God.  _ “I don’t like kissing girls.”

“What do you mean you don’t...?” She trailed off as realization filled her face. “Oh.”

“ _ Oh _ is right. Sucks to suck, I guess.”

“B-but you wouldn’t even... think about it?”

I squinted at her.  _ Is she being serious? _ “No. I’m not into chicks. I’m into dicks. Nothing is going to change that. Not even you. And I certainly wouldn’t dump my boyfriend over a chick that almost pushed my into the Mississippi.” Okay, so  _ maybe  _ I was being harsh, but I was already sick of this conversation. 

“O-okay.” She looked down and shrunk into herself. 

I patted her shoulder. “Don’t take it personally. Just remember that asking a gay to swing for the opposite team is a dick move. Be lucky it was me and not somebody that gets easily pissed off.” I snorted at the irony of what I’d said.

“Yeah... Okay. I’m sorry.”

“S’fine. Go enjoy your family or whatever.”

She nodded and left, but not before throwing a lingering glance over her shoulder in my direction. 

I sighed. Jean Ackerman. Social Justice Advocate since 2015. 


	35. Chapter 33

Mom got Connie out of the river, and we left right after that. She said it was because she forgot sunscreen and didn’t want us all to get burned, but we all knew it was really because she didn’t want to have to fish Connie out again. I didn’t blame her. I got exhausted just watching her. Not surprisingly, he fell asleep on the way home along with Eren and Mikasa. 

I sat in one of the middle seats with my elbow on the seat rest and my chin in my palm. The trees flew by the window, and I had to stop focusing on them, so I wouldn’t get carsick. For the better part of forty-five minutes, everything was a blur of brown and green in various tints and shades. 

It was quiet in the car except for the sound of soft breaths, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Mom was scrolling through Facebook on her phone and paused every once in awhile to tell Dad about something she saw or read. He kept his eyes on the road most of the time but would glance over when she wanted to show him a picture or two. 

I was close to nodding off myself when the landscape started to look familiar, and the lake was visible through the trees. I sat up more and stretched, shoulders and back stiff from being hunched over. Mom looked up and put her phone away--because she lost reception, not because she realized that we were here already--and turned around to look at us. She smiled when she saw the three terrors asleep. When her gaze fell on me, she winked and turned back around.

Dad pulled up beside the cabin, and I reached back and picked Connie up. He was out like a light. He didn’t even twitch when I hit my head climbing out of the car even with me muttering curse words a sailor would be proud of. 

“Thank you,” Mom said gratefully. 

I nodded. “Yeah, it’s not a big deal,” I replied, taking Connie inside. I kicked a pillow off the couch and set him down before covering him with a blanket. “You’re a lot of trouble, you know that?” I murmured. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t answer.

I straightened and turned around to see Dad standing there looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I blushed a little.  _ Wow, Jean. Way to look nuts. _ I ducked my head and brushed past him to go out the door. He chuckled but didn’t stop me. I waved to Mom before I crossed the street and headed to the lodge, hoping to find somebody--okay, not somebody, just Marco--to do something with. 

He wasn’t in the lodge to my disappointment, so I ordered ice cream in a dish and went outside. I took my time as I walked down the dock. More poofy clouds covered up the sun just enough, so I didn’t have to squint. It was perfect, actually.

I settled on the bench and leaned back. Solitary time was nice, and I didn’t realize just how much I missed it. This whole being around the family for, like, five days straight was totally foreign to me. I didn’t hate it necessarily, but I still did like being alone. It gave me time to think about everything and nothing. 

I let my head fall back, and I closed my eyes. I could totally go for a nap, but the shaking of the dock as random people walked on it was bound to make me sick. I lifted my head again and started on my ice cream. I watched people swim and paddle by in various stages of concentration, laughter, and conversation. I guess I wasn’t quite as alone as I thought.

I closed my eyes again and was just starting to fall asleep when something suddenly jabbed me in the back. I must’ve jumped ten feet in the air. I heard laughing behind me, I whipped around to see what it was. Down in the water was Marco, grinning up at me, obviously amused.

“Jesus, Marco.”

He laughed. “What?”

“Don’t scare me like that.” I ran a hand through my hair. “God dammit.”

He planted his hands on the dock and pulled himself up. “Did I scare you?”

“Pfft. What? No. You didn’t scare me. That’s impossible. You didn’t…” I trailed off as he raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t taking my load of bullshit. I blushed and looked back at the water. “Okay, yeah, you did. Fine.”

He laughed again and turned around, leaning back on the warm wood and cushioning his head on his arms. I thanked whatever deity was watching us right now. Marco’s whole torso was wet, and the sun chose  _ that moment _ to come out from behind the clouds. Sunlight caressed all the muscles in his chest and abdomen. And holy  _ shit _ was it glorious. I couldn’t stop my eyes from tracing every single line. Even the light trail of hair below his navel.

“Hey, Jean?”

My eyes trailed over his collarbones. “Yeah?”

“My eyes are up here.”

My gaze flicked up to his, and I knew I was blushing furiously. He was blushing too, but he was grinning. He knew he’d caught me. God, I was such a fucking tool. 

“I-I know that! Jesus, you think I’m checking you out or something?” I looked out on the water and squinted at the glare of the sun off the waves. I could hear him laughing softly. “Pfft. Never.”  _ I’m not imagining running my hands up and down your chest. Nope. Nor am I thinking of how your hipbones would feel against my thumbs. Uh uh. Not me… _

He giggled-- _ fucking giggled _ \--as if he knew what I was thinking. I looked back down at him. “Jean…,” he said, dragging my name out, and he playfully smacked my ankle. “You aren’t very subtle. You were almost drooling.”

“Was not!”

“Yeah, huh!”

I held my ice cream bowl over his chest and started to tip it as if I were going to drip it on him. I almost did too until he laughed, “No, no! You weren’t checking me out at all.” He smiled innocently with amusement.

“Damn straight,” I mumbled as I drank what was left of my ice cream. “And don’t you forget it.”

He bit his lip around a smile. “Oh, I won’t forget.” I squinted at him. “‘Specially ‘cause I won’t let you.”

I sighed.  _ Why, self. Why have you forsaken me? _

“And since I know you’ll do it again.” 

I looked down at him and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you think so?” I asked, amusement in my tone. 

“Y-yeah.” He was blushing. “Cause you made it obvious that you liked looking, y’know? And um...” He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, now very flustered. “And I-I wouldn’t mind it necessarily. J-just not in public ‘cause people will wonder why you’re drooling.” He laughed nervously and pulled his knees up more, smiling sheepishly at me.

I just laughed. “So what you’re saying is when we’re alone I can look all I want?”

He hid his blushing face in his knees. “Maybe.” I could still see his red ears, and they weren’t like that from the sun, that’s for sure. 

I reached down and ruffled his hair. “Will do, Freckles. Will do.”

He swatted my hand away. “Heeeyyyy... You’re messing up my hair,” he whined. His fingers worked to try to put it back to the way it was, but nothing was working. Mostly since it was wet. 

I snorted ungracefully. “As if. It was the lake.” I raised my eyebrows and grinned down at him. “I could always mess it up more.  _ Much _ more.”

Somehow he blushed more. “Jean, nooo.”

“Jean, yes.”

“You’re a dork.” He smacked my leg again. I kicked him back lightly. “A... a horse-faced dork.” He tilted his head up, and smiled shyly, but there was a teasing glint in his eyes.

Both my eyebrows shot up. “Did you just...?”

He tilted his chin up more. “Yes.”

“Oh, no you didn’t!” I laughed, standing up. He scrambled to his feet, and ran away, laughing like a maniac while I chased him down the dock. I didn’t catch him, obviously, even when he slowed down to let me catch up. Our little game of cat and mouse ended when I was doubled over in the middle of the baseball field, gasping for air. I tackled him when he got close enough to me and covered his face with kisses, one for each freckle despite my heaving lungs. The sound of his giggles and squeals made it worth the near-death experience. 


	36. Chapter 34

We finally got up out of the grass and made our way back to the lake. We didn’t hold hands, but we walked close enough together that our arms brushed against each other most of the time, causing goosebumps to rise on my arms and shoulders. It was so worth it. 

Marco bumped his shoulder with mine. “I can’t believe tomorrow is the last day,” he wondered aloud.

“Mm,” I agreed. “Lot has happened.” I bumped his shoulder back. 

I turned my head to see him smiling down at me. “Do you think we still would’ve met? Like, if we hadn’t met here?”

I chewed on my lip thoughtfully. “I’d like to think so, but the world isn’t like that.”

He hummed contemplatively. “I like to think we would’ve,” he said, snagging my pinky with his fingertips. “I think I was meant to meet the pale, sarcastic, troubled Jean.”

“Gee, thanks,” I muttered.

He laughed lightly and squeezed my finger. “Oh, come on. You know I wouldn’t change any of those things about you. You wouldn’t be Jean Ackerman if you weren’t sarcastically cynical.” He swung our arms between us. “Or pasty white. No, paper white. No, no, no--neon white!”

“What?” I asked in disbelief, the amusement obvious in my tone. “What the hell kind of color is that?”

“Neon white! It’s the whitest white ever!’

I snorted. “Rude. I thought boyfriends were supposed to be nice.”

He looked at me shyly with a blush painting his cheeks. “I like it when you say that,” he murmured quietly.

“Say what?” I inquired, raising an eyebrow.

He kicked his shoes off, and I did the same. The setting sun made his blush look darker than it actually was. “S-say that. You know…  _ that _ .”

I chuckled. “You’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

He looked at me through his eyelashes.  _ He’s beautiful, _ I thought, but it wasn’t that he was just beautiful in the way he looked. Yeah, he had the body of a Greek god. And yes, his face was fucking adorable with all those freckles and that button nose and that God damned  _ smile _ , but he was more than that. He was beautiful for the way he thought, the way he was. He always seemed to see  _ me.  _ It was like I didn’t even have to bother with putting up a facade because he saw right through me to the parts that I was too scared to see myself. Instead of tearing down my walls by force, he seemed to have found a hidden door and waited patiently on the other side of it until I was ready to open it on my own terms. He was the human embodiment of patience. He was sweet and kind and understanding and even sassy when he wanted to be--the perfectly unique combination of these characteristics that made him  _ him _ .

“I like it when you call me that,” he mumbled.

“What, rude? Cause you are. The rudest. Rude, crude, and with attitude.”

He smiled softly. “No. The other thing.”

“The other…” I trailed off, wracking my brain for what I’d said. What  _ did _ I say? Fuck, I could barely remember my name half the time. How was I supposed to remember what I’d said when I wasn’t quite paying attention. Finally, something jumped out at me. “Ohh…”

“Yeah.” He glanced down sheepishly at the water. He looked so cute then. 

_ You’re beautiful. _

“Boyfriend,” I murmured quietly.

He looked back up, and the corner of his mouth tipped up. “Yeah, that,” he replied just as quietly. He snagged his bottom lip between his teeth.

I grabbed one of his hand in both of mine. “Marco, you’re my boyfriend.” I nodded for some reason. “You’re my boyfriend, and you’re beautiful.” I brushed my thumb over his cheek. “So beautiful.”

He blushed more. “B-beautiful my butt.”

“Oh, don’t worry. That’s beautiful too,” I assured him with a grin.

“Jean!” he groaned, but he was grinning like an idiot. “M’not beautiful. That’s… that’s crazy! Do you have sun poisoning or something? It looks like this week is the most sun you’ve gotten in three years.”

“Asshole,” I grumbled, jabbing him in the belly, but he wasn’t wrong. “It’s totally true. It might be crazy, but have you ever seen yourself? You’ve got to be the most beautiful thing ever. Your  _ soul _ is beautiful.”

At that, he promptly turned beat red and denied it up and down, swearing that he wasn’t anything special, just Marco. I wasn’t having any of it. I felt that it was my personal duty to make sure he knew just how wonderful he was. We went further into the lake, going back and forth about the topic of his gloriousness. I won, for the record.

We stayed out as long as we dared, kissing under the dock, splashing each other, enjoying our time in the sun. We even helped Connie and Sasha build a sandcastle--it was rather shitty, mind you. The day ended with more ice cream in the lodge while we listened to Armin and Eren tell us about their day with Mikasa interjecting every once in awhile.

The three of them raced ahead to our cabin while Marco and I took our time following them. His fingers were laced with mine. I’d always wanted to be independent and in control, bigger, but I found myself loving how Marco’s hands were bigger than mine. I couldn’t say that our palms fit together perfectly, but it was pretty damn close. 

Fireflies danced around in the grass, and we paused to watch them for a moment. Everything seemed peaceful like there was no rush.

“Come on, Marco!” Armin yelled from the stairs of the cabin, his hands waving wildly in the air. “Mom wants us home.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he called back, amusement obvious in his voice.

He stayed with me until we reached my front door. I felt like a teenage girl being dropped off after a date. It was weird, but I didn’t hate it. I closed my eyes as he dropped a soft kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he murmured against my hair.

I nodded and let his hand go. “Tomorrow.”

He pulled back and held my jaw for a moment, looking straight into my eyes. The corner of my mouth twitched up, and he smiled back before leaving with Armin. I watched them leave. A content feeling curled up in the pit of my stomach, and for the first time, I wondered if I was falling for him. 


	37. Chapter 35

I tucked my arms behind my head as I got settled in bed and stared up at the knots in the ceiling. Questions swirled in my mind. Was I really falling for Marco? I’ve only known him for a grand total of five days, but in that time, he’s shown me how to open up more, even if it’s only to my own thoughts, and that certainly wasn’t something to overlook.

Did love happen this fast?  _ Could _ it? I didn’t believe in love at first sight, and I didn’t know about true love or soul mates or all that jazz. All I really knew was that even if I wasn’t in love with Marco, if he wasn’t in love with me, if we ended up breaking up a week from now, I knew that he was special to me. He was a small oasis that I had every selfish intention of keeping in my desert. 

Of course I could live without him--if I couldn’t, that’d be a good example of an unhealthy relationship; being addicted to somebody is always bad--but he was just now showing me how to see the colors in life when I just assumed everything was black and white. No, I didn’t need him, but I wanted him so badly. I wanted to show him the old tree at my elementary school that I’d etched my name into. I wanted to take him to the Mississippi River during the sunset to watch the colors give his hair a coppery glow. I wanted to be there for him during his first day of school and hold his hand when he got nervous--or just be there to watch him flourish.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I guess love was just like every single other complex emotion: confusing. Should I tell him? Would he think I was crazy for saying something like that this early in our relationship? What if he didn’t feel the same way? Would he feel pressured to say it back if I told him?

“Quit it,” Eren mumbled from his bed. “You’re making too much noise.”

My pillow was squished to my face, and I realized that I must’ve been tossing and turning as much as my thoughts. “Sorry.” I rolled to my side and got comfy.

He grunted.

I let my eyes close. I could deal with my problems as they came. After all, he was going to be living down the street from me.

* * *

The man watched as the boy with the freckles kissed the other paler one on the forehead and followed the blond to their cabin. The pale one watched them leave. He had a soft, adoring look on his face. The one with the freckles bit his lip while he followed the blond as if he knew what the pale one was doing.

The man still wanted the freckled one. He knew he’d be wonderful to play with. He would’ve bet his left lung that the boy was a screamer. Oh, yes. How wonderful it would be when he could do what he wanted with this new little pawn. 

He couldn’t have the boy here, though. No, he’d already caused enough commotion with the other three. He couldn’t risk being caught, not when he wanted to desperately to know why this kid was so familiar. 

_ Soon, _ he assured himself.

* * *

I sat on the dock and swung my legs, my feet skimming the water and throwing ripples in all directions. Marco bumped my shoulder with his, trying unsuccessfully to hide a grin. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.

I wrinkled my nose and rubbed between my eyes. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“You went down pretty hard...”

“Yeah, yeah. You don’t have to remind me.” I flopped back and closed my eyes. The air was peacefully quiet again now that everybody had had a chance to water ski. Marco convinced me to do it too. Being the gloriously toned god he is, he managed to get up and make it look easy, making it all the way around the lake before gracefully sliding into the water when he returned. I got three tries, and each time I ended up with a nose-full of lake water. 

He laid down next to me and turned his head in my direction. Our fingers brushed. I turned my own head and looked at him with pursed lips. We stared at each other before he  _ had _ to wink, and I became a fucking mess. He snorted loudly at my blushing, stuttering self. 

“Jesus, Marco--you’re gonna make my heart fail before we even get home!”

His grin was innocent enough, but I could tell he was pleased with himself. “Good.” I made a face, and he kissed my nose. “Home,” he murmured, reaching his index finger out to snag mine. 

_ I love you, Marco. Jesus Christ, I love you so much. _

“Will you come visit me?”

“That’s a stupid question,” I grumbled. “How could I not?”

His smile made my heart swell. “Really? Jean, you’re the best.” His finger squeezed mine lightly.

_ Dear God, don’t say shit like that. _ “Of course I am.” I hoped my grin hid my obviously mushy insides. “Don’t you forget it, or I’ll beat your ass. I hoped to everything that was holy that his blush was a figment of my imagination. Why did I have to mention ass-beatings?  _ Way to sound kinky, Jean. _

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied finally. It was quiet for another couple moments. “What’s it like there? I don’t remember much from when I lived there.”

I chewed on my lip in thought. “Well it’s kind of a small town, but it isn’t quaint by any means. There’s two elementary schools, one middle school, and one high school. At one end of town, there’s a park. There’s another one by the river and one in the center of town.”

“The river?”

“Oh, right. The Mississippi.” He nodded, and I continued. “There are various restaurants all over--I’ll show you the really good ones. Um... It gets really hot and muggy in the summer, and there're mayflies all over.” I made a face. “Annoying as hell, I’m telling you. The winters are generally cold, but I suppose you’d be okay with it since you came from the land of the cheeseheads.”

He laughed. “I’m not really into football.”

I chuckled too. “People in town are. The home games are on Friday nights. The marching band plays and the dance team performs. I’m there mostly for that and to walk around with... acquaintances.” I shrugged. “I can’t tell the difference between a quarterback and a wide receiver.”

We talked easily and hung out the rest of the day. That night, both of our families went down to the edge of the lake and roasted marshmallows with the fire pit the Rals rented. I have to say, watching Eren burn his tongue because he was too impatient to blow on it and wait thirty seconds was damn amusing. Connie managed to somehow eat more than six--I lost count after that--before he passed out from the sugar overload. Bertholdt smeared melted chocolate all over Armin’s nose, much to Petra’s chagrin. Marco did the same to me, and I guess my bewildered look was enough to make him laugh hard enough to fall backward into the sand. I wrinkled my nose at him and called him a dork. Mom couldn’t help but laugh too, and I begrudgingly let her take a picture. Even Dad smiled. I decided that if anybody could get an award for the most perfectly roasted marshmallows, it was Mikasa. They were the perfect golden color all over, and they looked amazing.

Eventually, Bertholdt smothered the fire with sand, and Petra nudged Armin towards the cabin. Dad picked up Connie and headed back to our cabin while Eren and Mikasa said goodbye to Armin. I pecked Marco on the cheek and promised to visit him in the morning before I left. He smiled and told me he’d be waiting.

I turned to head back to the cabin to see that Mom waited for me. We walked in silence, but it wasn’t the awkward  _ oh fuck, what do I say? _ silence.

“Did you like it here?” she asked before we crossed the street. 

I nodded. “Yeah. The weather was really nice all the damn time, and the lake was fun.”

“I’d say water skiing wasn’t your forte.”

“We don’t talk about that!” I exclaimed, feeling my face flush again. I could still feel the water in my nose. 

She laughed. “Okay, okay, Jean boy. I got it on video, by the way.”

I groaned. “Fuck.”

“Hey.” She flicked my arm. “Language.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled meekly.

She stopped me when we got on the porch by placing her hand on my upper arm. “I’m glad you had fun.” She smiled softly. “And I’m glad you found somebody that makes you happy. Even if you end up just as friends.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

She kissed my head and went inside. I sat on the edge of the porch and looked at the sky. I’d overheard that the northern lights would be visible tonight. The workers in the lodge were telling us all that today, so I figured I would stay out to see it.

Twenty minutes later, I was nodding off despite how hard the wood was against my back. The only thing that kept me from falling totally asleep was Eren opening the door. I tilted my head to look at him. “What are you doing?” he asked.

I sat up. “Northern lights are visible tonight. I wanted to see them.”

“Oh. Can I...?”

I patted the space beside me. “Yeah, go ahead.”

He shut the door behind me and settled down next to me. We both laid down again. Neither of us spoke, but we’d never been ones for words. Usually, we ended up fighting about something when we tried to talk to each other, so neither one of us dared disturb the peace.

“Look!” Eren elbowed me and pointed up at the sky. There was a faint green glow that seemed to pulse. “Is that it?”

I sat up and squinted. “I think so.”

“It isn’t very impressive.”

“No,” I agreed. “But that’s to be expected. We’re in Minnesota, not Northern Canada.”

He shrugged and looked up at the lights. They seemed to be shifting from green to pink and back. They really weren’t that impressive--you’d have to be looking for them to know that they were there. They were cool nevertheless. 

We stayed out and watched them until we physically couldn’t keep our eyes open. Inside, we went to our respective beds and passed out immediately. 


	38. Epilogue

I yawned and stared out the window, trying to keep myself from nodding off. We were in the car going home. We'd been eating pavement for about three hours now, and the gentle bouncing of the car was putting me to sleep. I was waiting for a reply from Marco, though, so I couldn’t go to sleep.

I was woken up at 9 that morning, and I just barely had enough time to take a shower before I was being kicked out of the bathroom by Mikasa. I’d had a few minutes of free time, so I went outside to find Marco one last time like I promised. He was helping Bertholdt load their car, but he stopped to greet me with that God damned warm smile of his. We didn’t get to say much since they were leaving in a few minutes, but I can tell you that I was a blushing mess by the end.

My phone vibrated in my hand.  _ No! A bump made me ruin my picture!!! D: _

I almost laughed out loud. He’d told me he was coloring in one of Armin’s coloring books.  _ Can’t you do another one? _

_ I guess, but this was supposed to be for you. (; _

Cue the major blushing.  _ I’ll still take the picture. _

_ Even if it’s ruined? _

I smiled at my phone.  _ Your face is ruined but I still love how it looks ;) _

_ Ha ha very funny. Not. How rude. (: _

_ Not rude if it’s true, _ I replied.  _ No, but for real. I’ll still take it. I’ll even hang it up on my wall if you want me to. _

_ :D !!! _

I snorted.  _ Just don’t fuck it up even more. _

_ D: !!! _

_ You’re a loser. _

_ But I’m your loser. (; (: _

I yawned and knew I was about to lose my uphill battle with falling asleep.  _ That you are, Freckles. That you are.  _  I cradled my phone in my hand, but I fell asleep before I could get a reply.

* * *

Somehow I managed to sleep through all the bathroom and food breaks by some miracle from above. That is, until Mom shook me awake when we were two hours from home. We were at our last stop before the home stretch, and I was starving. I bought a package of mini donuts and a cup of coffee before settling into my seat again. Once we were back on the road, I checked my phone. I had several texts from Marco ranging from right after I fell asleep until twenty minutes ago.

_ :D _

_ Jean, Jean, Jean!!! I found out we’ve had most of our things moved down to our new home. We’re just going home to get some final things, and then we’re coming!!! _

_ I can’t wait to be able to see you whenever I want. _

_ You’ll give me a tour, right? I’d really love that. _

_ Nuuu! Your picture! It dropped down the seat!! _

_ We got it. It’s okay. _

_ I’m so tired. _

_ And bored. _

_ Save meeeeeeeeeeee _

_ Did you fall asleep on me??? _

_ We just got home. How long is it until you guys get home? _

_ Oh gosh, I just realized I’m blowing your phone up. I’m sorry. D: _

Normally, I would’ve been exasperated. I’ve never had a single person send me twelve texts within almost as many hours. Wait, I’ve been asleep for almost twelve hours? Damn. That must’ve been a new nap time record for me. 

_ It’s okay. :)  _ I texted back.  _ We’re about two hours out. _

I looked out the window. The stars were starting to come out on one side of the van, and the sun was still setting on the other side. It was quite beautiful if I was being perfectly honest. 

_ That’s a long time. Yay! You’re alive!!! (; _

_ Yeah, sorry. I fell asleep, _ I replied.

_ For over eleven hours??? _

_ Excuse you, but I was going for the gold. I am not about that half-assed, pussy life. _

_ Jean! Language! ;P I am a child _

_ You are. _ I realized I was smiling.

Talking to him made the ride home much faster. I didn’t even realize we were in the city limits until Dad turned the van by the church we lived by. I was hit with a kind of sad feeling. The summer was about half over already. This was my last year of high school before I could do what I wanted, whatever the hell that was supposed to be. 

“Kids, we’re home,” Mom called out, turning around. Mikasa stirred and poked Eren. Connie was already awake and playing with Mom’s phone. I sat up straighter and unbuckled. Dad pulled the van up to the curb, and I jumped out immediately, stretching. Somebody popped the trunk, and I grabbed my bag. I set it on the curb and helped the kids get theirs out. Mom shooed me away when I tried to help her. I just laughed and skirted out of her reach.

As soon as the door was unlocked, Connie ran inside to the back and let Erwin in. “Hey, buddy!” I exclaimed when I saw him. His tail was going a mile a minute, and he looked like he was smiling. I rubbed him behind the ears.

“Erwin!” Connie jumped onto his back. “Onward!”

I sighed and watched the leave, but I didn’t say anything. I’d leave that to my parents. I simply picked my bag up and carried it upstairs. It was good to be home, that was for sure. I didn’t realize how much I missed my bed until now. I flopped down on it.

My phone buzzed with another text requesting to video chat with me, and I smiled. It really was good to be home.

* * *

The man made sure to stay a safe distance away from the car he was tailing as they headed home. Now that he knew the two adults the boy with the freckles was related to, he knew who the kid was. With this newfound knowledge, he realized that he would stop at nothing--absolutely nothing--to see his son in person again.


End file.
